Grand Old Academy: A Satirical Dating Sim (demo liveblog)

This is pure gold

Pitch it to the BBC, I will happily pay my licence fee for this content

 

Oh my god his theme is super hopeful and kinda goofy. It literally sounds like watching a puppy trying to climb stairs. How. How did they manage this.

We say it's kinda too early to tell yet. His face 'melted into an expression of concern'

We say everyone has been welcoming so far. He says he has something for us.

Is he giving us candy.

idk if we should accept mysterious pocket candy.


I don't know what I expected

 

Jeb.
Jeb.
Jeb. Please. Please Jeb.

"Yes."

 

Is there. Actually a basis on Jeb Bush carrying around a pocket full of turtle figurines. Like, was that a thing.

 

Maybe turtles are his favourite animal and someone made fun of that after he shared it in an interview?

 

I fully believe this man would tweet an apology to his mother after dropping out of the presidential race.

I mean. Yes. But.

oh my god it's legit.
oh my god.

 

omg, I thought i remembered something about him and turtles but OMG

 

I. See.

You know what, I actually would treasure the gift of a pocket turtle.
In an alt universe, this guy is the GOP nominee and he put a turtle on the podium at each debate.

omg he's adorable

 

... What. That's genuinely kind of cute, wtf.

 

We return to the dorm. I have to go get a drink and try and wipe the perplexed but amused expression off my face.

 

This is genuinely hilarious and kind of adorable omg.
If they do the inevitable Dem High spinoff can they then go on to do United Nations International COllege or somethign because *please*

 

I don't...I can't....I....

 

I did not succeed in getting that expression off my face. It's stuck that way now forever.

She asks how we are, what we did, and then asks if we met anyone interesting.



Okay he ran into you.

And he gave us a pocket turtle, which I've named Gary, and will treasure always.

God Meg, listen x3

You live here now Gary.

New mission: Acquire an army of pocket turtles.

 

You can ease up on the hard sell, Megyn. He gave me a pocket turtle. I'm already on his side. She says she's glad he made it to the next round of the debates.




#Same

We're all sorry, America.

 

To distract from the deep feelings of bitterness I am experiencing rn, I direct everyone to appreciate the Paul Ryan pinup on her wardrobe again.


OH MY GOD AMERICA NO

 

I have no words

Good luck extracting your foot from your mouth.

We've now got a very plaintive, sad piano theme. It is filled with sorrow and regret, with the taste of tarnished hopes and dreams.



Do you need to go pet Gary for a second? It's okay. He can be our turtle.

 

I'm feeling very legit sympathy for this lady rn. Or at least, this version of this lady???
She thanks us for listening, and we focus on homework for the rest of the day. America is nervous about classes, but Meg BELIEVES IN HER.

Meg is apparently not a morning person until she showers, at which point she transforms into her normal peppy self. She tells America to go eat breakfast. America had not factored in time for breakfast.
We are now running to get breakfast.
Maybe she'll run to class with toast in her mouth. Most of the good stuff is gone already.

I WAS KIDDING

 

that's actually adorable, how am I supposed to deal with this

 

We ask for directions a few times once we get to Beltway hall.

At least you finished eating your toast first.

He apparently has an abundance of dough, so I'm sure if you're still hungry he can help out.

No.
No?
@Beldaran I THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDDING
Everybody stares at us until America is told to introduce herself.



SHOW ME MR. REAGAN. STOP HAVING HIM BE HIDDEN.

 

Peggy takes attendance.
School stuff that I kinda glaze over also happens. Mr. Reagan congratulates Lindsey on a strong performance at the debate.

Rude.

We didn't get to see Mr. Reagan. Maybe his art isn't done yet. I am bereft. Also very tired, and this just happened

And I can't deal with that sentence right now. So I'm going to try an sleep, and will resume later.