shitposting rave 3: Dawn of the third rave

I'm not yelling at you I'm yelling at the glacial force of history.

 

...okay.

For the record some people do naturally have weapon alts it just got... fragged up. Like pretty much everything else.

 

Yeah, I wasn't saying people with weapon alts were bad. Just... ehn. Like everything I hear about functionalism, it seems fucked up how that must have applied to them?

 

Yeah pretty much. It's not like everyone who used gunformers was a complete aft we weren't really... we got taught they were just like any other weapon with an advanced targeting system and I don't think I even want to know what kind of fragged-up conditioning they got besides the inhibitor units. What the people in charge were thinking...

...well. Most of the original dudes are dead by now and we all know MTOs are an awful idea anyway. Doesn't matter.

 

Wait, you... they weren't-

I can't have this conversation.

 

great okay now we're both hideously uncomfortable this is the best possible outcome

ugh

yeah let's talk about something else

 

Two guns for the price of one!

Aw frag, nevermind. Zero guns for the price of none!

 

Curious. All currently known species of Genies are organic and chordates. The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy species of Genies I am included within(Phoneus sapiens dunamis chamaeleonidae in collagial nomenclature) is no exception to this matter.

Well, to be fair, my species is the only one I know capable of this level of intelligence. The following species were made to not be able to think for themselves, so as to avoid the same disaster as in the past.

 

How about two guns for the price of none?

 

That's slavery, sib. You gotta pay me or I won't shoot. Talking's free though.

Thought you were dead, sib. How's life?

 

Awwww and here I thought that was stealing. (I kid, I kid! I probably shouldn't try to hire you anyway, I'm still a horrible shot.)

"Thought you were dead" like you weren't the one to run off to the enemy! Life... uh. I mean. I'm still alive and the war's over? So I think on average life is good. Filled with entirely too much mud and root-mode travel at the moment, but... [He shrugs.] How've you been, besides "not dead" and... uh. Whatever, uh, whatever happened to your... [He gestures vaguely at his own face.]

 

Oh this?

[Scope gestures to his head, which looks more like a gun scope or video camera than a human head like most transformers have. He's only got two claws on each hand.]

Haha yeah they let you live but they cut off your face. Fragging wild, sib. Makes people wild uncomfy. Great for getting outta trouble when you drop shit on 'em. It's whatevs. You playing in the mud for funsies now?

 

Uh. [Empurata is not whatevs but that is probably not a conversation for public anyway.]

...not... really? Out here on orders, we're technically still military even if the 'Cons're disbanded now. And exploring is pretty fun with no time limit or enemy action ongoing! Just... ugh. Mud. Organics. I am so glad I can adjust my sensory inputs now.

 

Defect sib, it's fun. You can party like it's 1999. (That's an Earth thing don't think about it too hard.) You been to Earth? Me neither.

[He does jazz hands.]

How d'you get all that dirt outta your joints? Fragging sucks.

 

Nah, no Earth for me, that was for special soldiers not slaggers who can't aim to save their lives. And now it's kinda off-limits sooo... And no, I'm not defecting! I already gave up my badge, I'm not going back to war! If I wanted that I could've just left with Soundwave and the rest of his hold-out followers!

...anyway.

Sucks is right. Now we're back on solid metal we're kind of hoping it'll dry some and just flake off, I swear no one on this planet has ever heard of solvents and I really don't trust the water... If it doesn't work, I guess we'll have to try and dig it out. Ugh. Doesn't get in the way of transforming yet, at least.

 

Hahahahahahahaha. [He finger-guns.]

Dirty Paradox all shut down on a mudball by his lonesome. Meanwhile, I am livin' it up on this piece of slag spaceship. I got a whole washrack and everything. Ever tell you I was a Wrecker, sib? Provisionally. Not anymore 'cause they're all dead probably but I got this sweet ride out of it. And obviously I didn't tell you 'cause I'm telling you now, but that's deets what don't matter.

...I might be stuck floating in space with no engine. It's whatevs.

 

Rude, I'm not on my lonesome, I got hitched while you were off playing with your new buddies. I'm down here with two ridiculous buff Seekers!

...dude. As soon as I get off this mudball I'm finding you, we can figure out how to rig a tractor beam or get you over on our shuttle or something. You're not allowed to starve or get shot or whatever before then, okay?

 

Our ship seems to have a tendency to add crew - I'll pencil you in, if you'd like, for the next adventure.

 

Yes please rescue my bro if you run across him first

 

What. What. Sib. What.

You got hitched without me there? I'm so fragging hurt. I can't believe you sid this to me. I fragged a squid while you were getting married like whaaaaaaat.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.