that one really weird thing on your mind that is making you laugh your ass off

All day i was singing this quietly at work:

Christmas is coming, the Rook is getting fat
Won't you please put a dollar in the old goth's hat
If you haven't got a dollar, a half-dollar will do
If you haven't got a half-dollar, seebs thank you!

 

everything about this video right now but somehow above all things the narrator's delivery of DRUNKEN! SUNKEN! HIS LIFE HAS GONE KERPLUNKEN! is absolutely wrecking me

 

Make a stair out of dicks and defy the authorities

 

Is that an official intro


2, i clicked the thumbnail expecting it to be about shrimp mcdonalds

 

nah, someone just took clips of pawn stars and put it to anime music. its done really well imo

 

Sexy

 

jeff is the funniest name

 

ambush

 

ok listen i dont even read homestuck i have zero context or know what on earth it is, but the word kringlefucker and the shitty tree jpg that follows is the funniest fucking thing help

 

I took down our huge 7 foot tall christmas tree because the kitten kept tearing it up and put one of the outside trees in its place and the outside tree is only like 3 feet and im just fucking enjoying the shit out of the reactions of each of my family members when they do a double take.

 

Was reminded today of the time the computer shop I used to work at had a massage parlor of the "happy ending" variety move in next door.

Spoiler: cut for long version

So this was a mom n' pop computer repair place in roughly the middle of a strip center. And it wasn't the fanciest part of town, but it certainly wasn't the seediest part of town either, definitely not the part of town you'd expect legal adult entertainment to set up shop in, much less illegal adult entertainment.

Anyway, one day a new tenant moved into the space next door to ours. Hey, new neighbors, maybe we could do their computer things! Except... the guy who I guessed was the owner didn't really seem to want to talk to us. About anything. He said something about having massage therapists in there and that was it. Well. Okay. Whatever.

The first thing that made us start going "?¿?" about this place: they put in floor-to-ceiling curtains that completely covered the storefront windows and door. Also they had no signage whatsoever. No open sign, no hours of operation on the door, no nothin'.

Now when I say this was a mom n' pop outfit I worked for, I mean that literally--a husband and wife owned it. And the husband (who actually did the running of the place at the time; some years later he handed it over to the wife at which point everything went directly to shit but that's another story for another time) was the first to start making noises about there possibly being something shady going on next door. Because here it was, a month after they'd moved in, and there was still no signage or anything, and those curtains stayed closed 24/7, and the owner was still being cagey and weird at us.

To which the wife rolled her eyes and made "sure honey whatever" noises.

Until one day when the wife was out back taking trash out or something, and she came in with this ...look on her face.

"They're moving a bed in next door," she said. A what?

A bed. Okay. Well. It's not unheard of for small business owners to put a little futon or day bed or some shit in their private office, right? Sometimes you work late, you don't want to make the drive home.

No, Wife said, this was a queen-size bed. With a headboard and shit. An actual goddamn bed.

Um.

So. Time passed. Still no signage. Still floor-to-ceiling curtains that never opened. And now the office manager was noticing that while customers--dudes, every one of them--were coming to the place (during 9-to-fucking-5 BUSINESS HOURS, I might add)... none of them ever parked in front of the place. No, they would bury their car in the 99 Cents Only's parking lot and walk all the way down to the place.

Um.

At this point, Husband said "OK, that's it, there is DEFINITELY some shady shit going on in that place, I'm calling the property owner." Which he did. And got roundly chewed out by the property owner because that was a LEGITIMATE BUSINESS and Husband had NO RIGHT to disparage that LEGITIMATE BUSINESS like this and he wouldn't hear any more of it.

Welp.

Time passed. Still no signage. Still floor-to-ceiling curtains that never opened. Still dudes parking way the fuck down at the other end of the strip center and walking to the place. One day, we heard loud music coming from next door. Like, REALLY loud. "I'm going to go ask them to turn it down," one of the other techs said, and he did so.

A few minutes later he came back in with the same weird look on his face Wife had come in with when she caught the place moving a bed in. "So there's like... one girl working there, I guess?" he said. "She was... vacuuming. And she's like... in a, uh... nightgown."

A nightgown as in... a long shirt, we asked? No, a nightgown as in "very short thing you could read a newspaper through in places."

UM.

Husband picked up the phone, called the property owner, went "no, look, I'm not kidding, one of my techs just went next door to ask them to turn their music down and there's a chick in lingerie vacuuming in there, there is shady shit going on in your building, you need to check it out" and again got roundly chewed out by the property owner and told in no uncertain terms to leave the Reputable Massage Therapist alone or there would be Consequences. (later I would come to wonder if Property Owner maybe was on the client list, but never mind that)

Okay. Look. In retrospect, I realize now that between the five or six of us at that shop who had been observing the weird shit going on next door for several months at that point, we had more than enough anecdata to call the cops and say "yes hello cops police, we have no tangible proof but we're like 80% sure they're selling ass next door, can y'all maybe come take a look?" I don't know why we didn't. Maybe it was just that none of us ever managed to fully process the very strong possibility that we were, in fact, servicing computers just a few yards from a business that was servicing boners and we just kind of spent the day going about our business and trying not to think about it too much.

And then one afternoon the cops police came. I didn't call them. I'm pretty sure none of us did. But the cops police came. Five or six cruisers' worth of them, right in front of the place. Oh shits. A raid. It was a raid. They were raiding the place. The place was being raided. Raiding was being done upon the place. This was happening. This was actually happening. Holy shit. Holy shit.

So here we were, watching through our storefront window as several girls in lingerie and handcuffs were gently placed in the backs of cruisers, and that guy who never really wanted to talk to us showed up and he got cuffed and placed in the cruiser, and then from the back I hear "Oh, he's not in? Really? Well, take a message for him! This is [Husband] and you tell that son of a bitch I told him so! HE'LL KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!"

There was no violence, everyone who went went quietly, so that was good. After a while the cops police left and things settled down. Later I went out to smoke and ran into one of the ladies from the travel agency a few doors down. She had actually been out smoking one while the place was getting raided, and at least two dudes parked in the 99 Cents Only's parking lot, started to walk that way, saw the place getting raided, and just sort of... turned around, got back in their cars, and bailed.

A couple days later the property owner came by looking like a sad puppy and he and Husband had words about the incident, and that was the last we heard of it from him.

And that's the story of the time I worked next door to a house of ill repute.

 

I love your story

 

Omg

I would watch this

 

a series of quotes from my fave league streamer that make me laugh every day:
"get JABAITED"
"ooooooooOOOHHH IT'S THE KID CARRYING THIS GAME" [instantly dies] "that didn't happen no one saw that"
"i'll 1v1 faker i'll 1v5 skt i'll iv9 this entire game" [dies again] "noOOOoo... maybe i won't"
[dives into the enemy team & dies] "why did i do that i'm a boosted animal i'm A BOOSTED FUCKING ANIMAL" [bangs hands on table]

 

watch-in-vagina sex

 

tfw you wanted tickling but u got ticking instead

 

I looked over at your icon when it said "TFW" and saw an avocado with sick shades staring back at me and briefly lost my shit.