sorry i don't make the rules: ridiculous/lighthearted headcanons

Probably the Jack Sparrow ones too.

 

Luckily, if they watched them in release order (likely, because that means more Legolas first), by the time they got to Battle of Five Armies Ford was probably too tired to be appalled at how little resemblance it bore to the source material and he could assume he'd nodded off and dreamed parts of it.

 

One would hope so, otherwise he'd have kept stopping the show to bitch at length. Also, this will never happen on screen in WT because Ford likes Tolkien a lot more than I do and I wouldn't know!

 

His rant when Faramir showed up in Two Towers was bad enough. It's better for everyone if he thinks the framing of how Bard shoots down Smaug was his own sleepy imagination.

 

I'll take your word for it?

I never finished reading Fellowship.

 

tl;dr movie!Faramir is essentially a completely different character in personality, motivation, and competence level from book!Faramir because Peter Jackson didn't like him, and it's a source of enormous amounts of fanrage among book purists. (Like me. Do not get me started on one of my rants about how severely PJ Did Not Get the Stewards. I can whine about it for ages.)

 

It's OK I believe you!

I'm sure Ford cares about it 8000% more than I do.

 

Yeah, Ford DEFINITELY strikes me as someone who was way into the Tolkien legendarium. And probably remembers the names and histories of all those Silm elves who I can never keep straight. :::PPP

 

Let's face it, Ford could probably have written a dissertation IN Quenya. Not on it. In it.

I on the other hand grew up surrounded by people who liked Tolkien so very much more than I did that ... sigh. I have a bad attitude about it because the kids I grew up with were kin before it was called that.

 

Extremely dumb FE14 headcanon, courtesy of clearing Birthright Chapter 18. In the scene after defeating the protag's little brother in battle, they have this exchange:

It is now my headcanon that no, protag didn't actually know that. They have spent years training with their older brother genuinely believing that he is a paladin with a defense stat of 1, and thought the "win" they got on him in the first level tutorial fight was actually legit. I don't care how absurd a concept this is, it's hilarious and you will pry it from my cold dead hands.

 

Early on in Fate/Stay Night there are a bunch of random Bad Things going on around town, most of which are foreshadowing events later. However, there's one, the murder of a family of four, which I couldn't connect to anything and neither @keltena nor @KarrinBlue knew the deal with for sure either when I asked them. Since it's mentioned that it was done with a sword, you can figure out who probably did it by process of elimination- this douchebag:

Spoiler: Big image

As such, I have decided the only logical conclusion is that the family were a Fashion Police hit squad sent by the local yakuza boss to take him down for that coat.

 

Frisk from Undertale would actually quite happily eat dog biscuits.
On a no-heal run, they ignore Papyrus's dog biscuits because they don't think monster food is safe for humans to eat.
On a run where they did heal, they ate to heal up during the Papyrus fight, and ignore the dog biscuits because they just ate.
This is a kid who will pay actual money for trash to eat when fresh food is cheaper and there are people willing to feed them for free.
Of course they'll eat dog biscuits happily.

 

I mean, I was the kind of kid who ate horse feed pellets and actually kinda liked them, so it's not that far-fetched.

 

To be fair, there's also dog monsters living in the Underground. I feel like when the local dogs are also people, dog food is going to be a lot better than what non-sapient dogs would be eating.

 

Heck, Frisk probably has favourite brands of things like pet food. They slip them into the cart when Toriel goes shopping.
Toriel: "Who has put cat food into the trolley? We do not even own a cat."
Frisk: "It's better than the tuna meant for humans, that stuff's too salty!"
Toriel: *resigned sigh*

 

Sollux has programmed more than a few video games, distributed as freeware on the troll internet. Not all of these video games were SFW.

 

Frisk has a very keen sense of smell, but a surprisingly weak sense of taste.

Undyne can't taste sweet (like a cat!), and so considers bananas a perfect spaghetti sauce thickener. After all, they hardly have any taste at all!
EDIT: This is part of why Papyrus's spaghetti is so terrible. It would help if banana was not a major ingredient.

Boss monster babies are tiny. Like kittens! Also, usually, boss monsters have more than one child, in a litter. Those facts are related! Boss monster litters can get big-the biggest ever recorded was 14. The parents freaked out and got most of those children adopted, because they did not sign up for 14 tiny babies they signed up for no more than 5 somewhat less tiny babies.

Speaking of boss monsters-they have relatively short legs, and can comfortably go about on all fours. The adult Dreemurrs mainly use this to give small children rides, but back when Asriel was alive he tended to stay on all fours until at least breakfast-even getting out of bed face- and arms-first. Chara tried to mimic him once and fell out of bed. EDIT: they bruised their chin and bit their tongue when they fell out of bed.

Post-game, Chara sticks around, narrating. They take to naming various inanimate objects, which, due to Frisk deciding to join in, quickly becomes a family in-joke. Chara's names are either mundane things like James, or absurdly long things like Fluffleaf Silverwood Magnus Bellweaver the Seventeenth. Frisk just names everything after food. Everything. When Toriel tried to make a Christmas cake, Frisk named it Lemon Bar. (Chara named it Lightningtree Saychaiton Scintillating Bob.)

 

Dipper got rich in WT by recoding Angry Birds and a couple of other games so they would run in Dimension 52 on the local hardware and operating systems, which he primarily did so that Mabel and Paz could try to beat each other at them. He uploaded them to an app store for shiggles and has yet to discover how much money he's made.

 

Valiska Pines IS a cat and is very impressed that Undyne can eat that spaghetti. It made her ill.

 

Several months after the Pacifist Ending, Chara reveals themself to Toriel. There is a lot of awkward and hugs, and then Chara slowly reveals themself to more and more people as they get better and better at doing things like picking things up and making themself visible.

This is followed by, a few weeks later, Chara starting a let's play series with a running gag of Chara having no idea what they're doing and cheerfully commenting on it.
They also made terrible puns, had mods on most of their games, and gave various in-game things absurd names.