Making this thread in collaboration with @chaoticArbiter As the title says, ask some folks with a cluster B PD or traits of them anything about cluster B personality disorders! We're here to answer and to try our best to help without judgement, as long as you guys offer the same. :D According to the DSM-V, the Cluster B PDs are: Borderline Personality Disorder Narcissistic Personality Disorder Histrionic Personality Disorder Antisocial Personality Disorder You can also ask questions about other PD's, such as Dependent and Avoidant if you'd like, depends on who's answering! I know I personally have DPD and AVPD (avoidant) traits.
relevant, I think is it cool if I also link things about cluster B PDs to this thread from time to time? like I did just now, basically
so i was thinking more about bpd and what is a sense of self? because i realized i don't.. really know? a quick google search says it's like "i am a florist" or "i am the best at soccer" but that feels... inadequete. how would you describe the not-having a sense of self? (basically i can't tell if i have one or not? idk)
For me, it's like...I don't know who I am as a person. I don't really know my own personality traits outside of what people tell me. And my identity fluctuates a lot--I don't feel like a real person, I just feel really one-dimensional and I have no clue what my identity actually is outside of a few VERY basic things.
I did a thread a long while back about the problem of "I can look in a mirror and know I'm looking at Me but have no idea wtf I'm looking at". I've got ideas and aspirations and things I want to do, but when I try to describe myself it sounds completely fake, like I'm designing a character. Can't tell what things I want to do are real or what would just fit with whatever character I'm building. I used to try and pick ways to speak or hold myself when around people to test out different Selves and none of them managed to stick for long, nor did a single one feel genuine. Spouse tells me things from his point of view sometimes, and it just.. sounds very Not Me at all. If something feels real like I can cling to it one day, it might not be there the next day and everything is just a vague "Meh" feeling that I try to avoid thinking too deeply on, because I've got no clue and it's distressing. Vague concepts I can squint and sort myself into, though, and that's kind of comforting? It's not Really Me but it's Me Enough to cling to today.
Is there a test somewhere where I could see if I do have one of these and try to figure myself out better? Because I feel like I've gotta have some sort of PD because of how I relate to my identity, but I have no idea what it could be.
I'd advise against doing tests, because several cluster B disorders tend to be ego-syntonic rather than ego-dystonic. When I was diagnosed, I railed against it. By definition, having narcissistic features meant I'd think there was nothing wrong with me. It took years of therapy for me to accept the remote possibility that I had a disorder. You're welcome to do all the Internet tick-box tests if you find them useful, but if the disorder stands between your perception of yourself and the way you actually are, you'll just end up giving yourself the results you want to see, for better or for worse. Them's unfortunately the breaks with personality disorders.
Hmm... I'm definitely not in that category. I want there to be something wrong with me because I want to find out what I am because I have no idea. I also want to feel special lol. I want to put a name to whatever I have and fit in a neat pattern. "Autistic" covered part of it, but not enough.
Good news: you're probably not a narcissist, and likely not antisocial either. I'm in the opposite camp. You know, the "there's nothing wrong with me ever and fuck you for implying otherwise" camp. :-) Tick-box tests don't really have the nuance one-on-one therapy can give you. For example, when I was a little delinquent, everyone thought I had ADHD because I was easily bored and hyperactive. Turns out, while I fit the criteria for ADHD, I was actually packing conduct disorder. Use them as a starting point if you must, but be aware that if you go hunting for deer, you'll only find deer.
I know that all too well. Sadly, my therapist isn't too good at figuring out my problems :/ but she's great at helping me work through the ones we do know I have.
That's always helpful. I had a string of useless shrinks until I got one that saw through my bullshit. I think she must have been a drill sergeant in a past life.
Throwing in my own personal experience as well, for me I always underplay the bits of me that seem to be... me. I feel like I'm nothing and what I am is just a product of everybody else. I'm not interested in computers because I want to be, I'm interested in computers because my dad raised me to be. I'm not actually pushover, I'm a pushover because my dad is. I'm not actually a good leader, I'm a good leader because my friend was. Stuff like that. I myself have either no personality or very little of a personality and that can change rapidly and suddenly depending on who I'm around and what I'm picking up from them. Like @ASPD Anon said, I too would advice against online tests as a basis for self diagnosis, but they can be useful in some regard if you're looking to seek an official diagnosis. I linked some down below, but I'd also recommend checking out the diagnostic criteria for yourself (also linked below) and coming up with very specific examples where you've shown the symptoms you check, if your memory serves you well. It all helps in the long run if you ever seek official "your brain is fucked, m8" validation. :P This is how I got my official diagnosis, so depending on who you're speaking to, they're very open to your own opinions. I'd also recommend checking out some cluster C personality disorders if you're really looking for more in-depth answers. A cluster C is sometimes co-morbid with cluster B or they explain symptoms you check in cluster B better. The cluster C's are Avoidant, Dependent, and Obsessive-Compulsive. Spoiler Tests - BPD NPD (Unlikely given what you've said, but here it is anyway) An all-inclusive one to tell percentages of multiple PD's I'm not sure about the accuracy of these tests, but the best ones tend to be the ones that don't say "yeah you have it" and instead the ones that say "theres a chance, speak to a professional about your results", so if any of the ones I linked don't say something along the lines of that, find a new test. There's a ton of them out there, and I'm not sure how to feel about that LOL. As for diagnostic checklists, shitborderlinesdo has a huge page full of them, all from the DSM-V. These are the checklists a diagnoser (wtf is the technical term. brain.) would give you to rule out some things quickly and easily before going more in-depth. Borderline Narcissistic Histrionic Antisocial
I've been taking those tests, pretty much for fun, and I don't think the psymed ones are really accurate. They say I definitely (which is kind of a red flag itself) have HPD and might have ASPD, even though I have, at most, possible traits of either.
