Let's Go Steal a Dungeon (MotBM IC/Campaign Log)

Alabaster chuckles something to themself under their breath about "works asking for an opinion of themselves" usually being slightly less literal, then gives the tiger a good look over.
"The basic concept of a tiger of moving stone is not bad -- not groundbreaking or exceptional, but hardly overdone or trite. The craftsmanship you have is exquisite, I can see your muscles moving under your skin and your skin shifting as you move. Very good anatomy and a very good grasp of the material -- lapis lazuli, is it? In any case, good choice -- granite would have been too stiff, artistically, and marble would easy to make cliche or overly plain in the pursuit of simplicity. Speaking of which, you are a model of artistic restraint -- no superfluous ideas, no wasted strokes, as it were, no gilded lilies, but also not overly plain or lacking artistic follow-through. I'm quite impressed, in all."

 

"I'm sorry." The tiger's voice is still polite, but its eyes narrow. "A what of moving stone, did you say?"

 

"What you are is amazing," Liron enthused. "What are you made out of? Off the top of my head, I can think of sodalite, larimar, benitoite, opalized fluorite, dumortierite, turquoise, cordierite, labradorite, or any number of copper-based stones that would give you your color. A copper-based stone seems particularly likely, considering its affinity for air and movement-based magic, but opal holds most kinds of magic better than just about any other kind of stone. I wouldn't put my money on fluorite, though. It holds magic well, but never for long, though it does make for some very pretty fires when it stops holding the energy."

 

"Lapis lazuli, actually," the tiger says halfway through Liron's monologue, its eyes still fixed on Alabaster. "Repeat what you said, please."

 

Alabaster considers their options briefly.
"Tiber, like the river; a poetic reference to flowing movement."

 

"I AM A LION, YOU HORRIBLE PURBLIND DOGFUCKER."

It doesn't look like the tiger's buying it. Stone claws scrape the floor as it lunges.

Roll initiative

 

"Forgive our ignorance, Alabaster meant no harm! It would be a shame for us to fight, and risk marring your beauty," Sarnai exclaims, dashing forward to drop a supportive hand on the paladin's shoulder.

"But make no mistake, of We must, we will." Not the most stirring of speeches, but the reminder of people having their back should help.

"Though I must admit, I'm not sure what the mane difference is between a lion and a tiger. Lions travel in groups...? Tigers have stripes...?"

Spoiler: Mechanics

Init 14

Movement: moving adjacent to Alabaster, probably the square to their left unless it's pounced into by Lapis the Liger.
Action: casting Heroism on Alabaster
Please enjoy 3 temp hp each of Sarnai's turns and immunity to being frightened while she maintains concentration.
Bonus action: Bardic Inspiration die for Alabaster
Fake free action: talk talk talk talk

Eta added the bonus action because the paladin deserves buffage

 

Lyriae has been hovering on the periphery of the group, realizing that it's best to allow people who know about artsy shit to answer questions about art. But her companions' exploits thus far have not left her with a favorable impression of their decision-making skills, so she's already on edge when the tiger grows angry, and by the time it lunges at Alabaster she's ready to push off and run. She darts forward and to her left, laying the groundwork for a later flanking maneuver, and begins an arcane chant under her breath. When she skids to a stop, she's done with the preparatory gestures, and her voice rises to a shout for the incantation's final syllables. She lines up her shot, swings her left arm toward the tiger, and fires two bright green bolts of energy from her outstretched palm.

Spoiler: actions

Lyriae moves diagonally to D3 and uses her action to cast eldritch blast. She aims both beams toward the tiger; the first beam is 14 to hit and does 3 force damage on impact, and the second beam is 22 to hit and does 10 force damage on impact.

 

The tiger, poised to lunge for Alabaster, staggers as a bolt of arcane force slams into its flank with a cracking noise. It whirls and charges for Lyriae, snarling. The rogue evades its wild snapping and flailing neatly, but one heavy claw nicks her arm.

@esotericPrognosticator take 5 slashing damage.

Stella, seeing this, rushes to Lyriae's side, drawing axe and sword. One blow bounces off the creature's stone hide, and the other two, though solidly placed, don't seem to have the impact they would on a creature of flesh -- but chips of lapis still fly.



Everyone can act.

 

"Do you really think puns will help, Sarnai?" Liron asks as they consider their options. They quickly discard the idea of attempting to dispel the magic animating the creature, as the spell's strength was likely no match for that of the construct's enchantments. Ever mindful of their limits, Liron settles on their preferred fallback option, and moves to the side a bit to get a clear shot at the stone cat.

Spoiler: "Kalten Sie!" They cry, because if puns are the order of the day, Liron is at least going to make theirs interesting

Liron casts ray of frost, w 16+5=21 to hit and lapis!cat takes 10 cold damage, making the wild-ass assumption that it hits

 

Alabaster steps back, clamps a hand over their wounds, and recites a sacred incantation:

Spoiler: godfuckingshitdamnouchfuckerfuckingbloodstayinthegoddamnbodypleaseandthankyoow

Alabaster retreats to D8 and lays on hands on themself for 10 hp
hp: 15/17
lay on hands pool: 15/25

 

"They help morale," Sarnai sniffs, perhaps only meaning her own. She readies her axe and shield, keeping between injured Alabaster and the enraged statue. "Surely lions aren't so fragile as to attack the moment they don't like what they hear? I thought you a piece of art, but you're just a piece of work."

Spoiler: Mechanics

Action: Vicious Mockery cantrip.
Lapis must pass a DC14 Wis saving throw or take 6 psychic damage and have disadvantage on the next attack roll it makes before the end of its next turn.

eta guess who forgot sarnai uses a battleaxe because she couldn't afford a sword

 

Lyriae doesn't allow herself to make a noise when the tiger claws her, but her mouth thins almost to a flat line as she twists away from it and backs up, and when she comes to a standstill again she spits to the side before she dips a hand into her spellcasting component pouch. Pulling out a twig so charred by lightning it leaves black dust on her fingers, she crushes it between her palms and extends her hands before her with her fingers laced tightly together. She begins the harsh low words of the incantation, and blue-white sparks begin to crawl out from between her fingers, quickly growing into tiny arcs of electricity. When she stops chanting, her hands are wreathed in lightning, which stretches into a brilliant arc as she pulls her hands apart. Fixing her gaze on the tiger, Lyriae lets it crackle there for a moment, then snarls one last arcane word. The lightning flares even brighter as it lances out toward the tiger, although some of it remains pooled in her blackened palms.

Spoiler: actions

Lyriae uses her Cunning Action feat to Disengage with her bonus action, then moves back to F1 and casts witch bolt with 18 to hit. it deals 10 lightning damage if it lands, and as long as she maintains concentration she can use her action on subsequent turns to automatically do 1d12 additional lightning damage.

 

The tiger lunges for Sarnai, howling its outrage at her insult -- but this leaves its flank open for Lyriae's arc of lightning. Battered and discolored by magical energies, it croaks out "Van... dals..." before stuttering to a halt. The enchantment vanishes in mid-stumble; the lifeless statue topples over and immediately cracks into several large pieces.

 

"'Vandals," Sarnai echoes. "Vandals?!" She lowers her arms with a huff, almost more insulted by the accusation than the grievous injuries. "If the art would just stop attacking us, there'd be no cause at all to sling words like that around!"

 

Lyriae pouts, disappointed that her impressive light show is no longer useful, and lets the lightning ground itself and dissipate. Reflexively, she dusts off her hands, although the spell has consumed the last traces of charcoal. "'Vandals' my ass," she snorts, pulling off her gauntlet to examine the cut on her arm. "What's so special about a talking statue, anyway? Nobody goes around calling golems 'art,' do they? Fucker," she adds, ripping off a piece of her sleeve with her teeth and tying it one-handed over the wound, which has bled enough to considerably diminish her capacity for artistic appreciation.

 

Alabaster sighs deeply and gives the broken pieces a cursory once-over for something salvageable.
"It really was an exquisite piece of work."

 

Even heavily damaged and devoid of its animating spirit, the sculpture remains beautiful, and that much lapis lazuli is worth a lot on its own.

 

"But I wanted to study it more!" Liron whines, then sighs. "I had so many questions, and I didn't even get to take notes while it was talking."

 

After a moment or two of regret for the destruction of art (and maybe life), as they patch themselves back together and gather their things (and maybe a few pieces of the recently deceased)...

Sarnai stretches her spine, braces herself with a deep breath, and arranges her expression with the same care she's arranged her gear. First a smile that she relaxes until it feels like she can hold it a while, very carefully not crinkling her eyes; the goal is to look relieved to be alive, but grieving the necessity of their actions. Just in case the lion had friends who'll take offense at their self-defense.

Once she's ready, and the others seem bandaged up and finished pilfering, she pushes into the doorway and starts forward.