shitposting rave 4: (almost) anything goes

Spoiler: disturbing content

My CO made me eat nothing but organic people on earth!!! I'm glad I'm not stationed there anymore!!!

 

Spoiler: more disturbing content

Wow that's gross. I had to project garbage data at a prisoner over comms once until he clawed his own optics out I don't even remember which one of us started sparking first.

 

Well hey actual honesty out of Sarcasm Prime! I'm honored :D [His wings perk up, but he makes an effort to suppress the first-impulse fluttering. Dammit he just said he wasn't gonna flirt with Scanner, but how else is he supposed to lighten the mood???]

[Not at all, apparently.] Dude are you okay D:

 

Treasure the moment, birdy. It doesn't happen too often.
[He gives a tired grin.]

 

Spoiler: it continues

COs make you do gross things. I'm glad I didn't have your job, I hate seeing people spark.

Spoiler: more disturbing content

Oh yeah I'm fine!!! I get to eat chocolate now instead!!! I understand why, we had to get rid of the evidence and we were short on fuel and I can eat organic stuff!!! It was just gross at the time...

 

Spoiler: anddddd more (vague CW for emetophobia???)

I think people sparking is less bad than people purging to be honest. Half processed fuel smells so awful. Especially if they restrain the prisoner by tying him up onto you so you don't have to project hard enough to floor the whole fragging base. Scraping congealed purge outta joints is a slagging nightmare.

 

I mean I hear chocolate's great and your ability's pretty sweet but like dude. Dude. I know orders are orders but...

...somehow I keep forgetting how fragged up the war got :(

 

Spoiler: disturbing, emetophobia

That's fair... Organics purged too, but it was so little we could avoid it, mostly... Still, I'm glad I wasn't an Autobot, that doesn't sound fun at all!!!

-spider shrug-
It happened, now it's not happening!!! Why do you think I like our captains and Minister Flux so much???

 

Primus no, The 'bots at least apologized mosta the time they put me through slag, even though no one meant any of it. I don't even wanna imagine what the fragging Cons would've done with my ability-
Uh. No offense, I guess.

 

None taken!!! I'm a spider, do you think I was making any of the decisions???
-he laughs, only a little bit bitterly-

 

Dude that's fragged though. Spiders are slagging awesome, having more arms or legs would be fragging hella.
I'm a fragging radar array, at least you can move in altmode. All my altmode gives me is the ability to do this-
[He throws a leg up, neatly sticking it behind his head like it's no big deal at all. Those joints are definitely more open and flexible than they would be on any other kind of alt-class' root mode without mods.]

 

No, a spider is my root, the bipedal mode is my alt!!! Being a spider is nice, but when I walk on two legs half my eyes and half my limbs disappear!!! That's why I ran into you that one time... Sorry about that by the way!!!

 

I mean that's fair not gonna lie I think the captains have been great so far too but like...

Spoiler: venture stop victimblaming

...at least I straight-up asked for everything that got done to me? Your situation sounds like four million times worse.

[He looks away, wings pulling up and in. Uncomfortable birb.]

[He is also pointedly Not Looking at Scanner being flexible. He agreed not to flirt, not flirting means not getting involved at all, right?]

 

...Primus frag you guys. At least my COs just left us for dead without backup a few times.

 

[Scanner laughs]
It's okay dude! That's gotta suck bearings.
I only go into altmode if I need to block out all other sensory input except the radar thing so... I'm not in alt often.

Spoiler: Scanner stop threatening violence out of the blue

Gross, mech, that's still coercion and if ya tell me who I'll make him puke up his brain module.
[He says this very blankly]

 

Spoiler: gif

 

Cat's luck :P

I mean if you have a time machine I'm not gonna stop you but he was Senatorial Enforcement I'm like 98% sure he died before the war even made it off-planet. [He's still not looking at Scanner of the risque joint-popping.]

Hey doc sup got any horror stories to add to the campfire circle?

 

It wasn't fun but it was necessary, honestly!!! And you can not like something you asked for, it happens to me all the time!!! Some things sound fun but aren't, or have to happen but aren't what you want...

That's a waste of resources!!! Especially of a very good nurse!!!

I'd bet!!! I still don't want your job at all!!!

 

[Scanner finally shows mercy and stands like a normal mech again, armor plating pulled in tightly]
Ah so he died before they built my dysfunctional aft. And I got all fired up.
[He shakes his head.]

 

Did not have a CO to report to given nature of missions. Greatly dismayed to realize how many of the crew were hurt this way.