shitposting rave 4: (almost) anything goes

Well, it doesn't have to be a wolf mask, but Varric thought it would make me seem charming and devil-may-care. Which is as much a losing game as keeping Fen'Harel's eyes off me, I think.

.. Anyway, if the wolf makes himself known here I'll eat the bloody thing. I don't think I quite believe in him.

 

thats kinda hot!

 

AHAHA.

YOU THINK I'M GOING TO FALL FOR ANOTHER BOY LIKE YOU? YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WITH RUFIOH. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAST PERSON TO FUCK ME OVER.

IF WE FUCK. I WILL PROBABLY JUST END UP CHOPPING YOUR BULGE OFF. USING ANCIENT EAST BEFORAN TECHNIQUE™.

 

... I'll eat the mask, not Fen'Harel. Clarity is a virtue.

 

baby. darling. svweetheart. vwhy vwould i evwer vwant to fuck you ovwer on purpose? thats not, you knowv. actual fucking vwith bulges in nooks.

i got evwerything to lose. it already hurts so much, vwhy vwould i deliberately put myself in more pain just to get in your crazypants? i vwould nevwer evwer do that, you knowv me.

 

-giggles- I was wondering.

 

YES. AND YOU KNOW ME. YOU KNOW I KIND OF THINK YOU'RE FUCKING DISGUSTING. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I. OR ANYONE. TRUST YOU?

ALSO I NEVER ASKED FOR YOU TO GET INTO MY CRAZYPANTS. OR ANY PANTS. EXCEPT YOUR OWN.

(I AM SUGGESTING MASTURBATION. USE YOUR TEARS AS LUBE.)

 

If I'm perfectly honest, I'd just as likely be too busy lamenting the last shreds of sense in the world to eat either.

 

(amethyst stops being a rat. there is discussion of The Sex. she must investigate.)

ay cornus what r u doin with damara there

also damara i borrodwe some of ur weed jsyk

 

There is no sense in this place. It's a land beyond sense.

-the raven decides to get in on the holiday spirit and dreams up a mask for Rayi. It's a silver corvid mask, of course. Yes, the bird summoned something. Rayi seems unaffected.-

 

nowv, damara, thats not such a nice thing to say to a guy vwhos just getting out of an abusivwe relationship. im a survwivwor of abuse and textual assault and assumed rape and thats not something you just say to someone like me. kankri vwould probably tell me to tell you im #9ffended by this or something but im just going to point out that i vwouldnt need to use anything as lube if it vwasnt just me.

 

YEAH COOL STORY BRO.

ALSO I'M PRETTY SURE YOU NEED LUBE ANYWAY. OR WOULD. IF YOU COULD EVEN FIT YOUR TINY DICK IN ANYTHING.

(ALSO AMETHYST. YOU HAVE LIKE FIVE HUNDRED WEED PLANTS IN YOUR ROOM. YOU DO NOT NEED MINE.)

 

[Even without hands, Onyx is taking notes on Beforan courtship rituals. How could she not, when this Cronus is being so helpfully forward? A tablet floats to one side of her head, carefully not obstructing her view of the argument.]

 

The Admiral Is Not My Mother Though, Merwolfmom Is.

 

(A skeleton in a very loose and dingy looking Santa Costume shuffles in, dragging a big bag of presents behind him.]
* ho ho ho.

 

* Golly, will you look at that, it's Santa!
* Hey, Santa!
* What am I getting this year? ;P

 

[Helios pops in wearing... not a whole lot other than a mask and some very carefully tied silks and gold chains. The mask is helpfully of a halla, the horns tipped in real gold.]

Oh, I didn't realize that vintage was so... potent. Dorian is going to laugh at me, I just know it.

[He doesn't sound too upset by this.]

 

* a lump of coal is traditional.
* i'd give you bone meal
* but...

 

[Unicron sits in a corner of the rave, a santa hat on one of his horns, unbeknownst to him]

 

-Giving off the appearance of a lounging, and drunk, cat Dorian's wearing little more than a black g-string with gold and red sparkles on it to make it look like flames. His mask is that of a snake done half in white and gold and half in black and red.-

I have Arrived. -Poses-

Oh look it's Helios, hello darling.