shitposting rave 4: (almost) anything goes

*sighs* Sometimes I have trouble believing that I actually have boyfriends now. And a sorta girlfriend/friend-with-benefits. I really don't know how any of them decided I was worth loving.

 

Sloane nodded. "Yeah, I get that. Not that I have a boyfriend. Or a friend with benefits." She sighed. "But....I know that feeling. Like, especially considering my history. Just. How."

 

Yeah. How.

They've all tried to explain it to me, but... I still don't really get it, honestly. Especially since, well, Sunshine thinks I'm better than Tainell, his ex, Pennarion's really hot Imperator, and... yeah... I just really don't get why Sunshine chose me when he had had him.

 

Sloane laughed. "I mean, at least you've asked. The day I ask Alex that question is probably the day hell freezes over. She'd get all sappy on me. I'm not exactly great with feelings. Product of a difficult childhood and such."

 

Yeah. Though I think that was only 'cause he picked up on how... bad... I was feeling, after I met Tainell.

 

"Aaah. Well, Alex has never....I mean, she was kind of a social outcast. I guess she still is, it's just now we're social outcasts together. So with any luck, there will never be any circumstances that lead to her picking up on how I feel. I will keep my emotions to myself, and then someday I'll die." Sloane paused, and sighed. "....I am the epitome of mental health."

 

*sighs* ... well, me and Sunshine were already together and we already knew how we felt about each other when I met Tainell. That asking had already happened. But... I was insecure anyway and he noticed that and tried to reassure me. And that was sweet of him. *laughs* It just... didn't entirely work.

Yeah, just, to clarify, you know... explain the chronology of my own situation to you a bit better. In case you'd gotten the wrong idea about it.

 

"Mmmm." Sloane sighed. "I mean. Alex knows how I feel about her. I know how she feels about me. But....let's just say people aren't okay with the gay, and no one really gets to keep a secret for long at Hogwarts, and uh....I like my head attached to me where it ought to be. I also prefer Alex being alive. But even if we were together, it's not like I'd have to worry anyway. Alex has no prior partners for me to be insecure about! Although I would probably be insecure about everyone ever if we were dating." She snorted. "I'm not exactly great with the concept of 'sharing' in any capacity."

 

*sighs* Oh. Voldemort's Europe. Right.

 

"Yyyyyyyyup. Such a...charming place to live." She grimaced. "But maybe there's an afterlife I can spend with Alex! You know, assuming I deserve to share an afterlife with her. Which I don't. I don't even deserve an afterlife. But I'd totally take it."

 

Maybe she'll show up in here someday. This isn't the afterlife, but... it isn't Voldemort's Europe either and it doesn't seem to have any rules or patterns around who it admits.

 

"I can only dream," Sloane said wearily. "Then you could all witness the dysfunction that is me in a relationship with anyone I care about! Anyway....honestly, I'd take this as an afterlife. Rather be here than there. I don't suppose there's any way to will people from my dimension here, is there?"

 

I dunno, honestly. I don't think anyone else has ever tried it.

But it sounds like it should work. After all, more versions of Cronus Ampora tend to appear when people remark upon how many there already are, an Asshole Sapient Plant appeared when Ford was like, "no one here is a sapient plant," and talking about Bill Cipher is risky 'cause it sometimes summons him into here.

 

".....Cronus Amp--you know what, I'm not even gonna ask, sounds like a douche name anyway. I suppose it's worth a shot at some point. But not right now, god, I am way too deep in the self-loathing and emotions rabbit hole to want Alex here now." Sloane sighed and rubbed her temples. "....I don't suppose headache medication's a thing here. Actually, speaking of, do I have to like, eat and sleep and whatnot here? Or do I not need that stuff here?"

 

You're completely right about that. He is a douche.

And no, you don't need to eat and sleep and whatnot here. And you can get headache medicine and other stuff here just by wishing strongly enough for it to exist.

 

"I am an excellent snap judge of character, it seems. And fantastic! Petty mortal problems will no longer trouble me. ....except headaches, I guess." Sloane paused. "Can you get hurt here? Or like, die?"

 

im not abused and i dont knowv vwhat hogvwarts is.

 

*sighs* Yeah, you can get hurt. You can avoid it most of the time by willing hard enough not to get hurt, but sometimes that doesn't work.

And dying, yeah, you can die but it's not permanent here.

That's 'cause I wasn't talking about you.

*to sloane* He's a Cronus, by the way. I might've summoned him by accident by explaining Cronii to you. Sorry.

 

Mi? -there is a new person! Must inspect-

 

"Huh. Nice. I mean, about the non-permanent death part. The still-getting-hurt part is....less nice." Sloane paused. "....do magic powers and such work here? Like, can I still do spells? And. Oh. That's a Cronus. Well. All right then."

Sloane blinked and looked around. "Uh. What....is that?"