WTF Brain Autocorrect? - the majestic sea pancake and other substitutions

Today I referred to velcro as "The square zipper"

 

My parents have one of those hand-cranked cheese graters and whenever I see one in the wild I confuse whoever is with me by referring to it as the "cheese polisher" (because if the cheese isn't positioned correctly it will in fact polish instead of grate it)

 

See, I've always called that "the round-n'-round cheese thing" :P

 

I forgot what the compost bucket was called for a moment and said "the vegetable recycling"

 

that's glorious and I am stealing it

 

"Potholder" and "oven mitt" escape me so often that brain has re-labelled these things permanently as "pinchy cloth"

 

I regularly call them hot pads, which confuses the hell out of my poor housemate who uses an actual heating pad for her stomach problems. but they are pads you need when a thing is hot, damnit!

 

They've always been hot pads to me - it's all I can remember my parents ever calling them

 

'

lmao the thing is, mine actually call them potholders...

 

attempted to combine "lmao the twins" and "lmao fuck" while watching the new ff14 patch, accidentally "lmao the fucks"

 

BREAD CAGE

 

"Slashy slashy box tool" complete with cutting motions, is my version of this.

[Edit:] Okay, there are more, but i can't

"You load the oven, i'll put the food in the dishwasher."

 

I suck at remembering words for food utensils other than spoons, forks and knives so I end up saying "I'm looking for...
-food serving implement.
-food shovel.
-food lifter.
-[inarticulate hand gestures]
-scooper.
-rolly cutty guy. (pizza cutter)

 

@increasinglyCoherent just asked me for a cup of coffee with some 'special juice' because she'd forgotten what to call the salted caramel flavour cream liqueur... :P

 

I could not remember the word synonym, and wound up googling "tragedy symptom".

 

GOOD SONG, but yeah i do this stuff all the time
for a while i mentally pronounced ka-na-ya as kan-yan-a
my brain thinks of the phrase "raise my flag, don my clothes" in radioactive as "raise my flag, stop my clothes" and i can't get it to stop

 

Talking to a teacher today, I meant to say "the accounts office, to hand in my check". Instead I said "the office room building place check".

 

My favourite is when I forgot what tyres were called, so I just said 'car shoes' instead.

 

Vaguely-related thing: was looking at Icelandic weather website, used the chrome translate thingy, eventually determined that what was being translated into "hoof jewelry" was probably? tire chains :P So now I call shoes/boots/most non-sock things that go on your feet "hoof jewelry"

 

My favorite is "god door to door salesman" for Jehovah's witnesses from one of my friends