yessssssssssssssssss i love the martian SO MUCH. mark watney and doug eiffel, bffs for life. i want this fanfic pls
Spoiler: s3e31 sécurité i like how my mac can do that. ANYWAY WHERE WERE WE IN GASLIGHTING SPACE. what ship are we even on the other ship. uss urania. okay. intercept vector. and they can't reach the uss hephaestus i guess. who are these new voices? I'M STILL SO FUCKED UP WITH THE AUTHENTICATION CODE BEING VULCAN oh my god. they made contact. that was minkowski. the other comms officer is jacobi. just as sarcastic as eiffel! i ship it already. OH BOY THE GUNS. MINKOWSKI ALWAYS THINKS SHE CAN SOLVE EVERYTHING WITH GUNS. ALSO THEY MADE IT TWO YEARS. warren kepler. who the fuck is SI-5. i don't like not knowing the initials. and i also don't like how much kepler sounds like cutter. colonel kepler. (almost said kernel. fuck voice communication.) "a new recruit?" "not exactly." "... charmed." mx-500 class adjutant program "hera." aww! "on behalf of goddard futuristics--" yup. fuck these people. "look!" SHE NOTICED HER HUSUBANDO. OH MY GOD. "so... yeah. not dead. woo?" "are you okay?" loveless is like stuttering she was so worried okay powwow with kepler, jacobi, eiffel, minkowski, and loveless. THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY THIS COULD GO WRONG!!!!! C: i bet this new ship is really shiny. like, insultingly shiny, compared to the hephaestus. oh my god. so they did actually get the sos. "mr. cutter spent a whole week trying to open communications." "best guess? there's a problem with the pulse link receptor, or the radioactive soup is putting out too much interference." "other member" who? who. who? who. yeah, what's hilbert's problem with who's in the ship? yeah, i agree. strategic intelligence. they do black ops. WELP. OKAY. THAT'S. REALLY SCARY. "aside from cutter, kepler is the most dangerous man you will ever meet." "dr. alana maxwell." MAXIE. i'm gonna call her maxie. "don't worry about it. it's very complicated, you wouldn't get it." really? i think hera's kind of scared by an AI specialist. "rescue mission? who said anything about a rescue mission?" yup. it's not. "leaving? lieutenant, who exactly is doing this leaving?" yup. they trapped them there. FUCK KEPLER ALREADY FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU i'm convinced goddard wants to kill their astronauts. also, who is goddard? phase 2 of the hephaestus mission. "you're going to love the new hephaestus." what about hera? "command doesn't give a shit about any of us." "and?" "you gotta break a couple 'a eggs to make that omelet? who cares?" THAT'S NOT ETHICAL YOU SHITBAGS "but you sonsabitches might actually have found the ginormous picture!" wow. these goddard people are really fucking abusive. like... really fucking abusive. "he designs ballistic missiles? and close quarters explosives." "hera would not have a choice!" "don't make us do something we don't want to." ABUSIVE. THIS IS ACTUALLY MAKING ME REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. LIKE REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. "maybe some toothpaste!" yeah. black ops designed how these missions are supposed to go, including the psychological torture. season 3 is going to be really difficult to listen to. i might not be able to do more than one episode a day if they keep being like this. OH MY GOD SHE HUGGED HIM "if kepler is here, it's because cutter's taking a personal interest in this station." recovery squadron? wow. "he was in charge of my debriefing. he's also the one that" lied to him. maxwell hacked her. son of a bitch. this show is making me personally uncomfortable now. like, to the point of maybe not being able to continue. the show is really cool? but i can't deal with this behavior.
yyyeah, kepler's complete awfulness gets less foregrounded but not any less awful. i def wouldn't blame you if you had to tap out.
i'm just gonna... say no for tonight, and maybe only listen to one episode a day from here on out. because i am not about that life of making myself uncomfortable just because i have to finish a thing.
kepler's awfulness isn't the focus of every episode, if that helps any? and everyone is pretty damn vocal (not in front of him) about how awful he is. it's certainly not shown to be an a-okay way of being. the scripts should be up soon if you want to read instead of listen, too. but yes, friend, if it's making you uncomfy tap out. no podcast is worth your mental health.
oh, i wrote a drabble the other night, because I could. not formatted how i'd like yet, but here: Spoiler: Eiffel <3 Hera, post Hilbert-mauling "Knight to F5." "Queen to F5. Check." A beat. "Please take your next move." "...sigh. Hera... God. You're not there. I gotta stop thinking like you're there. It just makes it not ... It's not getting any better." "Please make your next move." "Yeah, yeah. ... Pawn to F3." "Queen to F3. Checkmate. Game over. Would you like to play again?" "...no. I want Hera back." A beat. "I miss you. I miss your sarcastic quips, your willingness to put up with my dumb self, your ... you. I even miss the way your voice glitched, it made you feel more...human. Somehow. That's a little weird, but... I dunno. I felt a little less...small...when that happened. "And I feel really bad about that because I know you hated it! You hated not being able to say words! But man, Hera, welcome to being a human! I wish I could get my words out with half the ...chutzpah that you did! God, you...you were amazing. You were so amazing. I wanna cave Hilbert's skull in for what he did to you. "I want ... I wanted to tell you so many things. I ... I wanted to talk to you about everything. About ... About how I actually think it's really sweet that Minkowski sends birthday messages to her husband. About how I'm pretty sure that random picture in Hilbert's lab is actually his family. About how I'm still messed up about that doubled Wednesday. "...About Earth. I wanted to talk to you about Earth. I wanted to ask what you thought the weirdest pizza toppings would be. What makes a good metal band name? How many scoops could you theoretically balance on an ice cream cone? "I wanted to talk to you about ...stuff. Stuff like...what is beauty, what's art, do you even have a concept of art? How does that work for an AI? How do you feel? What do you feel? Do you like us? Do you like me? "...do AIs ever get...bodies? Is that a thing we do? Could I ever look at...you? Do you get to choose what you look like? Would it be weird running a body instead of a space station? Would you get bored? Could we hang out? Would you be able to eat pizza and ice cream and swing on a swing set and sit on a couch and...? Would you... would I... "...what's the point. You're gone. Hilbert killed you. Minkowski and I don't know how to fix you and there's no frickin' way I'm letting Hilbert anywhere near you again. No way, no how. "...can you give an AI a funeral? Are you even dead? Is that a thing for AIs? Or are you just...there, but not thinking? You still sound like you. Sort of. That's the worst part, too. You still sound like...like you're just playing a game. Pulling my leg. You're gonna go glitchy again any second, and say "hey Dougie boy just yankin' your chain! I was here all along!" "But you don't. So. I guess... I guess that's it. I miss you, Hera. I wish you weren't gone. I... "I miss you."
oh no now i want to write Eiffel trying to have these conversations when she's back and oh fuck after Memoria and he probably wouldn't dare to have some of them until even after the end of s3 ... aaaahhhhh damn you Urbina your sandbox is too great
AH I JUST NOW STARTED THIS SHOW Have just gotten up to Mini Episode 3/Variations on a Theme I love everyone I especially love the Eiffel/Hera feels because I just finished reading this book which has some AI shenanigans (and by shenanigans i mean i cryed evertiem) (which i recommend)
more liveflail? are you a liveflailer? bc we here on the USS Overly Enthusiastic Fandom love us some liveflailing
tragically i do not liveflail i get distracted and then before i know it i have 7 tabs of tumblr open and i've missed a full season but some quick stuff: ok so i love lovelace's voice, when it gets all muted because she's thinking about some good cold violence I love all AIs all the time every day, and I love how they did Hera's personality Hilbert [sic??] and Eiffel's weird angry hate-bromance is so good especially that bit way back when suddenly Minkowsky comes in and they're both naked because screwdriver Also what i love the plantmonster, it reminds me of, uh, Sarah Monette & Elizabeth Bear's Boojum series re: rando creepy living semi eldritch shit in space bonding with humans I think I started really loving Minkowsky when she went after the plant monster and it turned into what, like 5 days of Most Dangerous Game
so i'm poking around Gabriel Urbina's tumblr bc why not, and someone sent him a very polite ask about "hey what do you think about having a tag for W359 discussion that the creative team won't read? less awkward for everyone that way" (which i think is quite reasonable), and Gabriel said "yes good idea!" and then suggested "GO AWAY URBINA" in the tags on his post. i'm just dying giggling
oh oh oh another gem Kepler's chain of command on the Hephaestus: Kepler => Jacobi => Maxwell => Everyone else => A coffee cup => Hilbert
i'm also still stuck on DICKS OUT FOR SCREWDRIVER because seriously guys? this was the way to solve the problem?
@pixels RIGHT i'm p sure that's still one of my favourite episodes. like it's gotta be at least top ten.
bits of the no good very bad hera/maxwell AU i'm writing Spoiler Alana Maxwell thinks that maybe in another life she could have been a psychologist. Then again: probably not. She’s not so cliché as to dislike people, but she wouldn't want to fix them; entrust natural selection with the problem of consciousness, see what a mess it makes. And changing humans — it's drawn-out and messy. Hera’s messy, but not like this, not with the skeleton of her being laid out cleanly before Maxwell. It's beautiful. No psychologist was ever this neat. Single sharp keystroke, push to branch. Lights, camera, action. -- >running program hera_2_electric_boogaloo “I — where am I? No, that's a stupid question. Did I shut down again? I was trying so hard…” Hera flickers into unsteady visibility, and Maxwell can't help but think it's a shame to flatten her out into something like a human. She’s more than that, no matter how much Eiffel likes to pretend. “It's okay,” says Maxwell, holding out her hands, or at least their virtual projection. “You're okay. Try to calm down. And it's not a stupid question. You're, uh. On the Urania.” Hera stares. On the horizon behind her, clouds are rolling in all over again; around her head there's a faint halo, the suggestion of dark hair whipping in the wind. Why this beach? Why the storm? Maxwell doesn't know. Eighty percent of the simulation just piggybacks off of Hera’s processing power, and Hera is anything but easily explained. “I'm what,” Hera says, after a moment. “I'm where? Oh, god, is anyone keeping the Hephaestus from falling into the star?” “Yes.” Maxwell, suddenly faced with the necessity of explanation, draws a breath and can’t think of what to say. Idiot! She usually plans better than this, but the colonel pushed her into a rush, damn him. There’s a rumble in the distance that might be turbulence or thunder — sympathetic weather, the hottest new trend in guessing how your friends are feeling. It’s not exactly necessary. Hera’s expression promptly darkens with suspicion and she bites out: “Did you hurt them?” She’s the picture of cold, controlled anger, at least until her voice stutters and breaks on the last syllable; then her image bursts into static, and when she reforms it’s like the perspective’s been shifted on an optical illusion. The vase was two women all along, and the anger is barely suppressed panic. Maxwell knows she’s sitting in her chair, but she can feel her heartbeat in her throat as she steps towards Hera. She hopes Kepler was right to listen to her. She hopes Hera is willing to trust her. She hopes she can make this better. “I didn’t. You know I don’t want to hurt anyone I don’t have to.” “Fine. Did someone else hurt them?” That’s her Hera, searching for loopholes as always. “No!” Maxwell laughs. “Slow it way down. Nobody’s hurt. Stop jumping to conclusions with all the speed your truly impressive brain can muster, and listen to me.” “My truly impressive brain wants to know how else any of this makes sense,” Hera protests, although her outline wavers less. “Who’s flying the Hephaestus?” “It’s a little complicated…” “And I’ve got all this spare brainpower just lying around. Tell me what’s going on. Please.” “Well.” Maxwell tries to choose her words carefully, but it really is complicated. Better to jump right in. “.... you’re flying the Hephaestus. And you’re here.” -- (later, i don't like the intervening bits enough yet) “Don't you think this is a little much?” says Maxwell, peeling off the surgeon’s mask and shaking out her hair. She drops the scalpel in her hand, disgusted. “Subtlety really isn't me.” Hera sits up from the operating table and stretches; then she starts to cough, long and terrible, like a dying woman. The noise is dreadful. Maxwell flinches, and doesn't connect the dots until Hera braces herself on the metal and spits out blood. “Oh, please,” she says. “I’m not Doctor Hilbert.”
