for all the times someone shoved the faces of the Wrong Characters (tm) together or shoved the right ones together but did it so wrong also serves as a fake relationships bitching quarantine thread FIRST UP: godDAMN do i hate johnrose. its so. its so BORING and generic and i can very clearly picture a parallel universe where it ended up canon instead of the amazing f/f marriage we have now
Matt/Karen from Daredevil. Like Claire is right there, why would you pair up with Matt or Karen when you could pair up with Claire instead? Why? Disclaimer: Karen skeeves me out and I love Claire, I am 1000% biased.
besides my inexplicable hatred for rosemary (I'm so sorry guys), the pairing I'm most ticked off about rn is harry/murphy from the dresden files i shipped it at the beginning, I really did! but at this point there's been love interests that worked better in my opinion, the author's been dragging out the "will they or won't they" for too long, I genuinely cannot see them having a functional relationship, AND the shippers are ASSHOLES
I live in a state of exasperation at popular ships drowning out ones I care about. Especially if it is an f/f ship. This is only because I am sour at it being hard to find shit I want through pages of JOHNDAVEKAT. The only ship I actually really truly hate though is grimdorks. As in like it flings me into actual real deal rages complete with upset crying. I don't know why. I just deal with it via ignoring it. I do think it's funny that that fucking ship randomly does that to me though.
i was personally offended when jadedavekat essentially replaced jadekanrose as the Fandom Fave Jade Poly Ship YOU PUT THAT WOMAN BACK WITH HER GIRLFRIENDS GODDAMMIT
every time i try to go into any sort of detail about what flavors of nine/five from lorien legacies piss me off i keep launching into a ranty infodump summarizing half the series, so to boil it down: Spoiler: context, spoilers ho, long nine and five are both horrifically traumatized, flawed, fucked-up child soldiers with extreme violent tendencies that get worse as the series goes on. they are both sympathetic, in a pitiable-murderous-nightmare-trainwreck kind of way, but holy fuck both of them do and believe some fucked up shit that never gets addressed. five turns out to be a traitor, they both hate each other's guts and spend half the series trying to murder each other. five accidentally kills one of the main party while they are at it, Shit Goes Down. nine is also a vicious, violently abusive bully toward five from the moment they meet, before he has any reason to suspect five is a traitor, solely because he's short and chubby and a Target. this has little to no bearing on any of his trauma, he's just an abusive shitbag (who, hilariously, claims at one point to hate bullies). five stands up to him, with minimal violence; this is treated by the narrative as 'both of them causing problems and being assholes.' ~DAT APOLOGISM~ both the narrative and the other characters consistently, after the reveal, treat five as a Scary Repulsive Irredeemable ~Psycho.~ he is explicitly left to starve to death alone at the end of the series, when rescue would have been perfectly easy. they also consistently treat nine as a ~quirky jerk big brother with a heart of gold,~ his explicit genocidal tendencies as heroic, and his punching five in the face for saving his life and subtly offering a truce as a crowning moment of awesome. he gets, more or less, a happy ending. with all this for context, i lose my FUCKING MIND when i see nive where five is depicted as the abuser, the violent/unstable one, etc, while nine is at worst A Quirky Jerk Hero who is his ~poor victim.~ ESPECIALLY WHEN FIVE IS DEPICTED CREEPING ON/SEXUALLY ASSAULTING HIM OR SOMEONE ELSE. WHERE IS THIS IN HIS CHARACTERIZATION. DID ANY OF YOU READ THE GODDAMN BOOKS. FUCK THIS FANDOM (jk i know why they do it it's because he's fat and we all know villainous fat guys are all perverts and rapists. /bitter chipmunk laughter) it's even worse when it's canon-typical in that nine is still abusive toward five and the author is just too shitty to realize it. fffffFFFFFFFFFFFF
Ranma/akane has always made me really uncomfortable. Also i guess it says something about me that i had to think back to a fandom i havent been in for like 9 years...
I really freaking hate Lapidot. Spoiler like. Peridot spends an entire episode doing a jig over lapis' boundaries, offering shitty backhanded fauxpologies and throwing the worst experience of lapis' life in her face as a comeback, never apologies or shows the least bit of remorse, and we're meant to view lapis as the big meanie for not putting up with it? And it's never brought up again? Like you might as well have Cry for Help, then have ten episodes of Steven messing around in beach city, and the next time we see pearl and garnet together they're perfectly calm and yay what consequences. The worst is fanart that had lapis being comforted by peridot after alone at sea, like, peridot would be "why are you upset? Obviously you should be happy jasper wanted to fuse with you! Why wouldn't she, you're just so powerful!" Going by barn mates. I just. Hate. And it has ruined otherwise perfectly good episodes for me. I would rather see Jaspis become canon, at least then it'd be much more likely to deal with the actual issues of that relationship and wouldn't be able to pretend that things could immediately go to fluffville, especially after one person blatantly and callously hurts the other in one of the worse ways available in a conversation. Also I once saw fic of sombra and symmetra that was far too fluffy like you have a perfectly good spadeship right there and you sand off all the personality and ideological conflicts?? WHY.
Why is Dratchet so popular? I get it, people like when older grounded dude rescues young overdramatic damaged hotty from himself. Everyone and their cat ships it at this point. I'd like to get behind it, there so much fan content, but I just can't. It would be perfectly fine if it wasn't such a ubiquitous thing, couldn't at least some people ship Drift with someone else and let Ratchet be his grumpy dad? I can't exactly pinpoint what rubs me the wrong way about that ship. I think it's that both of them are too reasonable, so the ship doesn't have much natural drama. Drift gets stuck being the wounded bird in many fics and I don't really see him that way. I'd rather he have to work out his problems with someone who is more on his level in terms of temperament and experience then have him be taken care of by someone more reasonable and wise.
I hate vrisrezi. Partly this is due to the fans, who have been crowing about the ship because it's kinda sorta canon f/f, and if you hate it you're homophobic and ableist because Vriska obviously has whatever condition they're currently saying she has. And... no. No. Vriska broke down Terezi as much as Gamzee ever did and then ran straight off to take out LE in a blaze of unnecessary glory. Terezi was uncharacteristically hesitant and unsure pretty much all the time after the retcon while Vriska talked over her all the time and then in the new world she just drops all her friend to run after her again. It's not a healthy relationship. It's not even an interestingly unhealthy relationship. I'm ok with (Vriska)/Terezi and pre-sgrub scourge sisters because it's a very different dynamic. Post game/act 6 the ship is just too toxic for me.
i am so sad that kencyrath fandom is tiny because i can't be like why yes sinful children it is loads of gantshen time I CANNOT. WHAT AM I TO DO WITHOUT THE GANTSHEN.
Other things to mourn: no torishen. Wtf. Thats just so sad. Fuck greshan and rawneth could team up to deatroy him in an au. please my son he needs to suffer
another lorien legacies ship that grinds my gears: stohn. STOHN. painfully generic 'slap two belligerent conventionally attractive hot white guy main characters into a ~bromance~ together and make them kiss' ship, which comes with the added bonus of drowning out every single other one of the myriad quality slash/femslash ships that were popular for awhile with painfully generic White Guy Bromance content. it also features the two worst cases of narratively-approved toxic masculinity and Heroic War Atrocities in the whole series, with allll the shittiness from their book portrayal transferred wholesale to their fanfic portrayals. the worst part is it's a tiny fandom and we're all on fairly close, friendly terms, so it's not like i can really express my irritation to anyone who knows what i'm talking about and actually do much good, but tl;dr i have never seen stohn fanfic/fanart/other content that was not somehow infuriating bullshit/too small in scale to include anything infuriating but made by someone who regularly produces Infuriating Stohn Bullshit. it's an unholy lightning rod for canon and fanon fuckwittery alike, is what i'm saying, and i also hate it for plenty more petty reasons than that.
And here I am in a fandom where nobody ships anything outside two canon pairs. People make noises about how awesome other ships would be and then don't actually do anything with them!
u know generally i can ignore disinteresting f/m ships but fuckin MEENFIOH their ENTIRE FRIENDSHIP IS BUILT OFF OF HOW THEY DONT WANNA SUCK EACH OTHERS' FACES TF ARE YOU DOING
