"Silly" and "strange" triggers

Instant rage trigger: touching my lower back in any context.
Instant "I am ending this friendship, don't ever talk to me again": when someone KEEPS DOING IT even after I've done my best to ~politely explain~ that I don't like it and to please stop doing it, because they think it's Funny that it makes me flinch and tear up. Like, I will bite your hand off, get the fuck away.

 

charcoal statues and wall fans

 

.....okay, here's one I really, really feel bad about having, but: older lesbians interacting with me. like, lesbians who are.....five plus years older than me, if I am aware of that fact, I will become distinctly uncomfortable speaking to them or being alone with them, at all, ever. it makes me feel shitty as all hell, but.....it's a trauma thing, and....idk. I know it's not fair to them but. I can't deal with it.

 

Head pats. :(((((

Patting in general. I haaaaaate soft, deliberate touches. The repetition of the bad sensation makes me physically cringe. I'd much rather people went in the other direction and patted too hard. I'd rather be smacked than patted. Smacking doesn't make my nerves feel like a big electric storm with random small fires breaking out in my brain.

Sometimes I have to smack myself where the patting occurred to reset the horrible jangling alarms.

 

If it helps at all I too am set incredibly on edge by large groups of people in ways that make me feel shit about myself. Because it's just not fair my brain says while also causing anxiety. Good brain. You never fuck up or do anything unreasonable to us ever. Now please remind me what we do with pennies.

 

Another sensory one: the sound of fabric rubbing against skin or other fabric. I can't stand when people use markers to draw on cloth. It makes me wish the world didn't exist if that's what it takes to make it stop.

 

I hate when people don't believe me that that makes a sound.

 

it is nice to know I am not the only one, I just....wish there was something I could do about it, you know? especially because it bars me from certain events--like, I can't go to Pride for fear of that kind of thing happening and it's dumb and I hate it and just....bad brain. bad. go sit in the time-out corner and think about what you've done.
.....oh man okay that actually brings up another huge trigger of mine: time-out corners. I....cannot deal with thinking of those. I jokingly talk about them sometimes, but....no. they're Bad. also, people looking in my bags, be it purse, backpack, or anything else, is a huge panic trigger for me. because of Past Shit.
I also hate people sticking stuff in my face and telling me to smell it. no. stop. get away from me, get it out of my face, GET OUT OF MY PERSONAL SPACE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU.
....I also hate being touched when sick, but that's less a trigger and more a "being touched when sick is literally painful so don't".

?? who doesn't believe that? it absolutely makes a sound. it doesn't bother me too much, but. there is. definitely. a sound.

 

THE SOUND OF MY HAIR MOVING AGAINST MY PILLOWCASE. Ugh. Sometimes I have to sleep with earbuds in bc it's so grating it literally keeps me awake. I tried to explain it to someone once and they were like "wat".

 

.....okay but
hair pressed against skin
instant itch
instant anger

 

Spoiler

also guilty of being terrified of women, makes me feel like a sexist pig for just mentioning it bc it's like im tooting my own horn?

seconding one-word messages as well, jesus. anxiety spiral when

 

oh hey Markiplier it would've been nice if you'd forewarned in the opening that your video was going to contain a bunch of random penises because hey those are a trigger for me!! yay!

 

also I'm like, scared of pretty much all men, but not trans men, ONLY cis men (trans women don't fall in the category of 'afraid' at all. it's just cis men. only cis men.) trans men make me....kind anxious? but nowhere near what cis men give me. and people who are nonbinary and sometimes male or partially male in gender don't really ping as Anxiety, Dangerous at all.
so I have the best of both worlds: I'm lesbophobic AND transphobic because clearly I don't view trans men as real men AND I'm sexist for being terrified of men AND I don't view non-binary people as the gender they say they are despite being non-binary myself! I suck :D

 

-hugs-

It's really neither of those things. Though I suppose it might feel that way.

 

Weed
And Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes doing weed, for some reason.

 

some random song that i don't even know the name of

 

I once nearly passed out in class because there was an academic discussion on the anatomy of the spine. My vision went black and I had to put my head down on my desk. I'm still really unsure what went wrong there. I'm pretty sure it was the interaction of the tone with the topic. As far as I know I'm not otherwise bothered by academic discussions or by spines.

So as far as I can tell, I'm specifically terrified of academic discussions of the anatomy of the spine. I think that qualifies as strange.

 

oh, I can't handle discussion, portrayal of, or actual dealing with any disease that is not a cold.

 

Trauma triggers: Equius/Aradia, anything with the context of someone forcing someone to love you (hence the first one), bad written-out Canadian accents ("aboot" especially ugh I shuddered just typing that). All because of my stalker. Also, people hating on Christians, even though I'm not one myself anymore, because my abuser did that a lot back when I still identified as such. And people refusing to be wrong about anything ever, because again, abuser. People being completely dismissive of my opinions--same reason. Being told "we need to talk" or "hey, can we talk about this?" in any capacity, even though usually it never leads to anything bad nowadays, because it has led to Bad Things in my past.

Anxiety triggers: People hating on large swaths of people, even if it's just as venting, even if it's a group I don't belong to. It makes me feel like I'm bad for either A. being part of that group or B. not hating that group/having friends in that group.

Sensory triggers: Rough scratchy fabric. The sound of cardboard boxes (the thick ones) opening or closing--my parents actually warn me if they're gonna open or close one in my vicinity so I can cover my ears or leave, because they know it makes me want to vomit. The sound of styrofoam against styrofoam. The feel of neoprene and tulle and certain other fabrics. Chiffon used to bother me a LOT but now it only bugs me if it's really rough?

 

is there anything that helps your "we need to talk" trigger? just wondering, in case there is ever a thing I need to talk to you about, so I have better phrasing or something