sorry i don't make the rules: ridiculous/lighthearted headcanons

Rose never really learned to cook, due to her mom mostly either A. hiring cooks or B. going out for dinner. Kanaya helped teach her, as did John (hey, growing up with Dad for, well, a dad would definitely teach you some things in regards to food prep).

Related headcanon: Roxy is an absolutely atrocious cook. This extends to Mom as well, hence the hiring-cooks thing. :P

 

This fox's name means something completely different in the Juska language and every time he meets someone new he makes a point of telling them so.

 

This is mine as well. Though I also add that Rose often lives off cups of noodles or packets of stove top ramen. Sometimes the ramen is uncooked. Must run from Mom with the treats in hand. Gotta be quick.

 

Due to my general frustration with certain choices made by Ace Attorney: Spirit of Justice's writers, I have Decided that the trial audience in Khura'in consists entirely of people the Justice Minister is paying to boo the defense because he hates Nick personally.

 

i may have put this one in here already, but Terezi's cooking smells and is absolutely delicious, but looks at best like particularly unfortunate slop (because why would she care?)

Vriska never really learned to cook, and the troll pizza guys stopped responding to her calls after she fed too many of them to spidermom, so now she lives off microwave food. but like, the expensive kind, because she can afford it.

 

Aranea does not know how to properly eat and sleep like a normal person. What is food. No time. Must read. Must write. MUST PLOT TO BECOME A GODDESS AND SAVE THE WORLD. oh no i am dizzy

 

Half of her relationship with Porrim was Porrim ensuring she managed to do these things. porrim feeds on the pale quadrant.

 

porrim apparently also feeds the pale quadrant

 

All my Porrim ships end up at least slightly pale regardless of quadrant honestly. On a less happy note I like to pretend that plays into relationship troubles with her at times.

 

karkat is a really good cook purely out of necessity, but dave won't eat it even when karkat's being ~culturally sensitive~ and cooking human food, because dave grew up on fast/cheap food and has yet to develop a taste for karkat's...liberal use of spices

 

John has grown to dislike sweet things due to overexposure to cake, but he still likes baking for his friends.

 

Relatedly: John has become the master of baking non-sweet things like cornbread because then he can have some too! He also never uses box mix and baking is one of the few things he'll settle down and focus on getting Just Right.

Grandpa!John also made his distaste for box mix known and insisted on baking everything from scratch. Crockerpop continued this tradition (baking a Betty Crocker cake for your kid is kind of :/ on effort when your family owns it) and only baked on special occasions. Jane has a massive sweet tooth and adores cake. For a while she wanted to be a professional cake decorator.

 

Cornbread is usually sweet though. I could still totally see it. He could also be really good at other baked iems that arent bread related.

 

My running joke/headcanon every time I play an Ace Attorney game:

There is a curse on the AA-verse, and it goes like this:

1. Every felony eventually involves a murder. If it does not appear to involve a murder, a body will eventually turn up.
2. If an innocent person is arrested for murder, a Magic Defense Attorney will always show up to defend them. They may not get them off the hook (Gregworth v. von Karma) or they may not get them off the hook how they like (Hammond) or they may show up after the person has been convicted to appeal it, but they always show up.
3. Autopsy reports are always vague enough in details like time of death, murder weapon, and time it took for the victim to die not to contradict coverups by involved parties. If they are not, they will be updated to comply with this standard, as there was clearly a mistake by the coroner.
4. How excessively complicated any given murder is goes up in direct proportion to how many and how deeply members of law enforcement and the legal profession are involved in it.

 

I don't really consider it sweet? Like, sweetish? But not cake sweet of course. Probably palatable to "oh gog not another cake I sat on a cupcake on the couch earlier" John. But that might just be the way my grandma makes it. Nobody else in the house has my sweet tooth :(

More cake headcanons: Rose also has an aversion to cake. Because for her birthdays her mom tended to buy absurd multi-tier monstrosities where most of it inevitably went bad because a household of two cannot eat that much cake. She eventually warms up to John's gift cakes, because they're simple one-flavor sheet cakes with buttercream icing instead of chocolate-vanilla-raspberry swirl and a solid half-inch of fondant covered in ceramic wizards and sparklers made to look like wands.

 

Cornbread is definitely sweet. Granted I have issues wit sweetness as a flavor because things are often too sweet.

 

Also, home-made bread is generally a lot better than store-brought bread, especially when still warm from the oven. You can also put stuff like garlic or pumpkin in it-my mother made pumpkin bread once, it was amazing.

 

huh, I think of pumpkin bread as, like... well, have you ever had pumpkin muffins? pumpkin muffin batter cooked in a loaf pan, pretty much, kinda like banana bread. I guess your mom just added pureed pumpkin to regular bread dough or something, though?

edit: ALSO cornbread is not that sweet, the hell are y'all talking about? a little sweet, maybe, but confectionary sweet? hell nah. anybody had Jiffy corn muffin mix? that's what I think of when I think "cornbread," and if you think that's sweet, I think our tongues function in fundamentally different ways.

 

Pearl enjoys unsweetened herbal iced tea, but doesn't drink it much because she has to shut off the part of her brain that reminds her that some Gems (like Amethyst) straight-up EAT these plants instead of just extracting their juices into a chilled liquid suspension like civilized Gems

 

Amethyst: *shovels teabags into her mouth without ever breaking eye contact with Pearl*