shitposting rave 4: (almost) anything goes

Perhaps you don't understand. I'm Garfield, the Deals Warlock!

 

WHAT
!_!
>_<
[He squawks and slaps at the water, then looks around the culprit. WHO COULD HAVE DONE THIS.]

 

'Deals Warlock'? Sure. Fine. Here's a deal for you: don't sell souls anymore and I won't find a pit of carbonite to toss you into!

 

"Oneira's one of the coffee trolls. They're my fosterlings. And no, my household does not do cold-sparked murder of innocent bystanders. We're not assholes and we have enough people trying to kill us!"

"If you say so, but most people here do have PTSD, so. We understand, we're just trying to help you co-exist, because people keeping pets is not going to stop being a thing."

"Oh good, you got there on your own!" Valiska gives TNFL a thumbs up. "Did somebody say that to you? I swear, there's a lot more terrible parenting in the world than I'm able to handle some days."

"We understand that just fine. We're suggesting rather strongly that some sorts of deals ought not to be made. @Wilhelm, can you help? You seem to have made this leap, how can I get this person to do it?"

 

whats a parent i erupted from the earth fully grown and covered in whipped cream

 

No.

 

"Your species is pretty unique," Valiska says, though she knows perfectly well when she's being trolled. "Sounds like a good way to attract predators to the vulnerable young, though most carnivores can't actually taste much sugar."

 

He snickers loudly as he watches, not even attempting to hide it was him.

"Make him a deal to get outta here?" He shrugs. "He seems pretty set on his lifestyle, Valiska- you can take a man out of the business but you can't take the business out of a man!"

"Hey, bud, how much would it cost for you to scram for a bit? I'm SURE there's better business opportunities elsewhere!"

 

thats why we burst out fully grown and usually with our fists pointed up

fuckin suckerpunched a jaguar my first day out shit was wild

 

As long as the animals stay away, I'm FINE. I just don't want anything to do with their murderous nonsense.
>_<
@_@

!_!
`_´
[He attempts to splash Wilhelm from all the way up in his pool. It's... less effective.]

 

Sorry, management put me here!

 

Keep up the good work!

 

He's splashed a bit nonetheless, cackling. He didn't mind, he was already sitting in the pool as it were.

"Fair enough!"

 

You glitched-out sparkless pistonlicking spawn of a rusty siphonist you don't even fragging-- [Eclipse breaks off into binary screeching, and then near-silence; he seems to be muttering to himself, though it likely isn't audible without being right next to him.]

Spoiler: for any listening telepaths and/or those with exceptional hearing

not your problem not your problem not your problem back off back off someone else is handling it...

 

Do you want to buy some energon snacks?

 

[His voice momentarily rises back to audible levels.] I don't buy anything from slavers.

[Back to muttering. Look, ma @Cloudcrusher of Kalis, no hands unhealthy massive temper-spawned explosion!]

 

"Very impressive!" Valiska thinks for a moment. "You mean the animal, or the car? I've heard that a jaguar can be either. If it's the animal, I hope he or she is okay!"

"Ah, okay, so there is management. Please direct me to the management so I can put in a formal complaint."

 

uhhh

both

 

Look, we don't need to call management, okay? We can make a deal.

 

"Okay, here's my deal, you don't buy or sell souls or people here, and we don't complain to the management." Valiska smiles broadly. "You sell snacks and dresses and all the other things you would normally sell and make profits, no slavery or damnation happens here--and we don't have any more trouble."