@wixbloom hmm... that's... kinda surprising, actually. for some reason, i've never really incorporated that stuff into my self-image. but it fits - in quite a few ways, really. first off, well, my autism and all the rules, routines and such that simply being autistic compels me to have. you know, diagonistic criteria and all. stuff like the order i check my tracked tags on tumblr in, how i get unsettled when something changes in my routine, my difficulty with things changing... you know, typical autism stuff. secondly, i was in a confusing emotional situation recently, which basically was a repeat of another confusing emotional situation from my past (involving the same person) - except this time i got a bit more info, leading me to understand both of those situations better. and yet... it still doesn't feel like enough, even though i'm pretty sure it's all the info i can ever get about this clusterfuck if i don't go and do something morally shitty. (not planning on that but... when i get sad about, i'm like, "what if i did?") thirdly, tumblr... oh, tumblr. tumblr just loves making ridiculous rules about sjw stuff and fandom that make no sense and expecting people to follow them and trying to punish those who don't. and that's fucked up but... i still end up changing my behaviour in order to avoid its wrath 'cause my anxiety makes that shit go straight to the heart, even though i don't actually believe in it. it feels fucking wrong, doing that, but my anxiety gets in the way of doing anything else, fuck it! and yeah, i'm just inclined to be extra skeptical of and frustrated by tumblr now as a result of this stuff, even as i avoid rocking the boat there. also, i'm really glad things'll work out eventually and get structure, direction, categorized and whatnot, and i'll take charge. 'cause i'm sure as hell not in control now! so yeah, thanks! this was really helpful. i'd never really looked at it this precise way before. :D
My deck doesn't seem to like being used for other people so I'm going to stop that and use it as a personal deck. Which means I'm going to need a different one at some point.
I'll probably come by and ask for a reading at some point. Going to have to condense my feelings and concerns into actual sentences first.
Ah, I actually forgot about it until lately, but I had a request that got buried near the beginning: and I'm okay with anyone answering (I wonder if it would help the thread to have a spreadsheet of offers and requests, all fancy-like and orderly) (but I don't know how to make one, so)
I could totally set up a spreadsheet, or even a form submission system ... but then i like stuff like that so maybe i'm just weird
Also readers meaning "tarot reader volunteers" not "forum readers", jfc. XD And a spreadsheet is cool. Maybe set one up and then we can add our wishes and then people who read can be like "hey do you want me to do yours"? Or something like that.
to the folks doing the readings, how do you 'tell' your deck not to read for you, but for someone else? when i did tarot readings, i learned that i needed to have the person the reading is for shuffle the cards, because otherwise the reading would be for myself.
Mostly I just try to keep the person I'm reading for in mind and, because my brain is more sort of word-orientated than image or concept orientated with shit like this, I repeat the question they have over and over in my head while shuffling, repeating their name or the name I know them by and talking always in third person. It may or may not work. xP