Customer Service Thread

this wasn't a bad customer, just a hilarious thing i overheard at work today-

had a young-ish couple returning something but she didn't have her card to put it back on, so i said i could do it by having her type in her social, and then her fiance was kinda standing to the side and just started wondering out loud- "hey, when we get married? are they going to change your social security number?" and then she was like "... uh, what? no? why would they do that?" and then he was like "well... i don't know if you count as a whole new person or whatever, like your name changes" and then his poor fiancee turned to me and was like "are you hearing this? are you dead right now?"

and anyway, it was a laff

 

shoutout to the two separate people that wanted "happy 2 month birthday" written on cakes and the one guy that ordered a big ass torte cake with "happy 6 month birthday" on it today. honorable mention to the guy that didn't know what "lbs" stood for.

 

//squirrels this phrasing away to use later

irritable bowel syndrome

(I misread the lowercase l as an uppercase I, found my immediate thought humorous enough to share)

 

I don't even believe in Hell, but if it exists I'm sure there's a special place in it for people who hold up the line for ten minutes to lecture their cashier on how they need to become a Child Of Christ or else be damned for eternity :||||||

 

"I told you you'd end up here."
"But why are you here?"
"....I told you you'd end up here."

 

One of Trump's white house photographers was in my store today going on at length about how great and nice he is and what a sweetheart Conway is and how much he loves Pence. Fortunately not my customer, but we have inventory tomorrow so I had to work on stuff on the floor and somehow manage not to tear out my hair.

 

ugh, witnessed.

 

Hey. Customers. You know those little dividers we have for the checkout lanes? They exist for a reason. USE THEM. I can't tell whose groceries are whose just because you leave a few inches of space between them. Especially not when we're busy and I have a lot to pay attention to. It costs zero dollars and zero cents to lay a little plastic stick on the conveyor belt!

 

tfw you turn on your perkiest perky voice in hopes that the customer won't ask for a discount... and of course he does anyway.

 

Fuckin'-a man, people asking for discounts when they can't have one are the worst. I had a woman at the tourism job who didn't have enough money for something (except I saw the fucking wad of twenties in her wallet) and needed a discount, wasn't there anything I could give her? she wanted this so much for her sick little girl. (I'm barely exaggerating here.)

Well, do you have a coupon?
No
Military ID?
No
Any other service ID? Firefighter/police/state park ranger/anything?
No
Do you now or have you ever worked for Rock City or any of its related attractions?
No
Are you over the age of 65?
No
Is it noticeably broken?
No
Then there's nothing I can fucking do.

 

this girl with the strangest eyebrows i've ever seen (they were each shaved into three parts and dyed bright red to match her hair?) came up and asked me to write "happy birthday adrian" on a cake, so i asked how to spell the name, just in case, and she gave me this "are you fucking kidding me" look and just repeats "adrian." bruh. i can think of like four different ways to spell that off the top of my head. just spell it so we can both get on with our lives.

 

OH, that reminds me. this one time a guy came up and wanted a cake for his son's birthday, and he's one of those people that instead of telling you the name wants to write it down and give it to you, okay, whatever. so he writes down "johnny". i put "johnny" on the cake. i bring it out to him and he gets, like, way angrier than anyone ever needed to get over a cake, and goes "that's not right, there's no h". so i say, well that's how you wrote it down, and hes like "i think i KNOW how to spell my own son's NAME, thank you very much" so i just. wordlessly pass the paper back over the counter and he goes. oh. so i go in the back and scrape the name off and redo it while my coworker is like shaking with laughter on the other side of the department. a good day.

 

@Sethrial MacCoill You worked at Rock City? I went there with my grandparents when I was little :o

Also, not me but happened to a friend...
So I work at a fabric/craft store. We have a sewing machine store/department within the store that another group like, leases space inside the building from us? So they're a separate entity within us (we get calls for them all the time and have to give the people their phone number so they can call them, but whatever, not relevant). Anyways, they're paid on a commission. So my friend sold this machine to a guy and apparently spent like, 13+ hours working with him over time trying to help him learn how to use it to do what he wanted etc. Well, he returned it during the very last pay period. So now she's pissed because he totally fucked up her paycheck doing that and I guess now she owes money on her paycheck instead of getting it? (what is this bullshit?) And the guy kept wanting to do things with this machine that it's just not built to do. Uhg, people.

 

Ugh that fucking sucks, I'm on a commission based system right now and it's the worst.

 

@lobo I really appreciate that you're trying not to name a place specifically in your story, but every single person who has ever been a joanns knows you're talking about joanns

 

Ok, going to bed in a sec here, but just for the record:

THURSDAYS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE QUIET DAYS, DAMMIT! >_<*

But no, back to back calls all day, mostly people that I can't actually help because they haven't been customers in like a year and are probably going to take it out on my customer service surveys, since one of the metrics is "Did the rep resolve your issue?" and sometimes that is not within my power

and tomorrow is Friday, which means payday, and is probably going to be even busier. /grump/

I just wanna take the appointment calls that are my actual job and not be running triage for the overrun tier one specialists because with all of the fuckery in the White House, we're not hiring anyone else on the Department of Education contract until we know what's going on. /slightly more job insecure grump/

 

I just ran across the reject plaque from this one, which for some reason we still have. Not a bad customer, but an amusing interaction.

One time one of the boss's friends ordered a plaque. he's Indian, with a pretty heavy accent. Called her on the phone, asked for a plaque with a pink Hummer on it. OK, we can do that. He then e-mailed and yes, there it was in writing: a pink hummer. Spelled exactly like that. This will come into play in a moment.

So anyway, I found a good stock photo of a Hummer and gave it a Photoshop paint job and it was the prettiest pink Hummer you ever did see and I did the plaque up with that artwork. This is the one I just found while looking for something else.

And the guy comes to pick up and says "oh no! I wanted a pink hummer! Like, a real hummer!"

Boss hems and haws a bit and goes "well ok I guess we can paint a matchbox hummer and mount it on there--"

"No, no--like a hummer and nails!"

Boss just kind of looked at him.

"You mean a HAMMER?" she finally asked.

"Well, you know I have an accent!" he said.

"Do you TYPE with an accent too!?" Boss shot back, and I had to leave the room at that point because I was legit about to die.

So Boss acquired a lightweight hammer and I painted it pink and we put it on a plaque and all was well.

(that is not a thing she would normally say to a customer but this guy was a good friend and they gently roasted each other like this all the time)

 

Me: *tells every customer "we will give you a call when your order is ready"*

Customers: *inevitably come in a couple days before due date* oh...I'm just here to see if my order is ready.

Me: did you get a call from us?

Customer: no, but--

Me:

 

People who put their fragile items at the front of their order are a special kind of evil

 

Dude, they put them on top of everything else in the cart so that they're not crushed by heavier things and then have to take then out first because they're delicately resting atop 20 pounds of spaghetti. You can't move the spaghetti first. What's your solution.