shitposting rave 4: (almost) anything goes

see, i dont feel like being the side man, yknow? need to know youre focusing on yours truly.

 

* taps shoulder, proffers a small bag *

 

Once you've been released, you will be one with the Dark Mother, and free of all concerns...

She thinks.

Did you think that I was offering to have sex with you? I do not know what the woman you believe me to be does for a living, but I am not a prostitute; I am an assassin.

 

in my defense, 'being one with the dark mother and free of all concerns' sounds VERY double-entendre.

 

fucking zzick

 

>:33c

 

If I were you I would not rely on potential double-entendres as statements of intent, because if you did not believe me to be the woman who is called Valiska, whose husband is apparently old, you would already be dead, having freely consented.

 

To be fair I'm pretty sure that'd be a net win for all of reality.

 

but if i was dead i wouldnt CARE about being dead, now would i?

 

That is very true, and were I truly a believer...

She bites her lip.

Were I truly a believer, I would probably not have corrected him, and in this point at least I must apologise for my failure again.

That is indeed the point.

 

why are you so obsessed with me?

 

[He raises an optic ridge]
Can't all be great at our jobs. Have you tried becoming a gardener instead?

 

Your personality is just so great that I fell in love instantly.

 

I love flowers! How did you know? I had the loveliest roses in Oregon. Of course, I am dead now...

 

It happens to the best of us.
Y'know I was trying to be an afthead because plants are pretty much useless to us, given the whole giant robot thing, but if you like plants that'd be an actual argument towards the gardening thing. I don't know I heard real people should try for doing a job they love or something.

 

i mean, that was obvious, but jeez.

 

You don't have much else going for you. My kink is total wastes of time.

 

remember that old saying about sticks and stones.

 

What, that they get stuck in seams and itch a little?

 

(that saying is a lie because curses are VERY powerful and i use them a lot. to great success.)