shitposting rave 4: (almost) anything goes

What's a kitling? Do you have a twin? Can you eat rust?

 

Ford breathes out, glad that everything's settled. It was a bit alarming to discover that he would probably have defended Lissa himself, if need be. She's not Valiska. But he can see Valiska in her. Why didn't his counterpart make sure she got a proper education? And why did he bring her back to the Falls? Did he have to? At least in the Falls people would probably treat her all right, given that they're used to weirdness, but...even with whatever papers Stan surely scammed up for her, could he really take her anywhere else?

"Sorry, Norm, I was a bit worried there. It really is hilarious."

 

"A kitling's a child, I can't eat rust but thank you for offering, and I did have a twin, but that didn't end well." Lissa sighs. "Also there's another woman named 'Valiska' who comes around here that everyone says I'm like. I basically only eat meat. And sometimes other things because they smell good, but they're not always good for me. I like mushrooms. Even the ones that don't do anything but be food."

 

[Fifteen years late with starbucks]
I feel personally called out right now, Venture.

 

Huh. Alright! I mean, again, ship, between sec keeping all their optics out and eighty percent of us having kids in the same age range it's not like they can get in a whole lot of trouble. [He shrugs.] Hm... Developmental stages might be easier? They're still figuring out grammar and expanding vocabularies but they know what they want to say? They can move around alright on their own even if they're slower 'cos their legs are tiny but they're nowhere near done growing yet.

 

Bro you know you're rude as frag don't even lie

 

Okay true. But if you call me out while I'm not even there I can't even waggle my aft enticingly and call you a spike for it, and that's kind of unfair. Why'd you rob me of that kinda fun?

 

Lissa nods. "They're kitlings when they don't run back to you as soon as something hurts or scares them a little," she says. "When they want to explore further away than you or any of your sisters can see, and further away than they can see you, or even the house. When you have to let them out of the house looking ridiculous because they won't let you help them get dressed, and too bad for you and everyone else if they only want to wear the same shirt for a week."

 

It's okay, I forgive you.

... but what were you worried about?

 

Oh, I wasn't sure if we'd met because I have trouble telling you small squishy people apart. Uh. Not that you don't look interesting but I'm not sure what you can change about your looks.

 

Ford shrugs. "Her," he says, glancing at Lissa. "She looks so much like Lise, but she's not Lise. Something about her seems really a lot more fragile, somehow, even though I know she's a trained assassin, and good enough that they let her out on her own to be Tempted by me-not-me."

 

Because Ratio pissed me off :P

Gotcha! So yeah definitely kitlings. Which works out pretty well since we call 'em jetlings now we know for sure they're gonna grow wings!

 

Yeah. More fragile and more pointy.

 

"That's okay! A lot of people have confused me with 'Valiska'. We can change the colours of our hair and ears, and put lenses in to make our eyes look different--I sometimes wear lenses to make my pupils look rounder when I have to go to Portland, and a hat that's not as solid as it looks so people don't freak out when my ears move but I can still hear--but that's about it. And sometimes you can change the shape of your body based on what you eat and how much exercise you get but you have to be careful because trying to push it too far either way is dangerous." Lissa smiles.

 

Oh, that's interesting! We can change our paint jobs, and also our entire frames but that's EXPENSIVE.

 

"You'd be feeling a little rough too if you'd been stuck in a portal nexus and thought you were dead for a couple of months." Ford smiles at them. "Really, I do take care of her, but her goddamn twin sister tried to kill her and Will decided to help because he's always hated her for being the person I actually fell in love with and also a predator."

 

And I'm not faulting her for it. She's just... different, you know...

 

"And she is fragile. And you have no idea how terrible I feel for believing that the body I found in the workroom was hers, but..." Ford swallows. "There wasn't a lot of it left to examine."

 

Ford blanches, and firmly resists the impulse to hug the other man. "Oh, G-d, no wonder you sound so depressed. I'll tell my kismesis when she comes back that you've had a rough time lately."

 

"Changing your hair and fur colour can be expensive, if you pay someone else to do it, but the dye itself doesn't cost that much." Lissa shrugs. "I'm purple right now. Because that's my favourite colour. Sometimes I'm dark red or dark blue. Bleach stings so I don't do light colours." Her nose wrinkles up. "And it smells really bad."