shitposting rave 4: (almost) anything goes

"I can," Lissa says, grinning as she conjures up some blackened catfish Carla made once and offers some to Nilima.

 

That's DIFFERENT, you don't have wings, you're not mechanoid!

 

"Sorry, but I have twelve PhDs and I can't follow that."

 

LET'S NOT PRETEND YOU KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT ME TO DETERMINE WHAT IS AND ISN'T CHARACTERISTIC, KANKRI. YOU'RE ABOUT AS WELL-INFORMED WITH REGARDS TO MY PSYCHE AS A WET NOODLE. THAT IS TO SAY, YOU'RE NOT!

THIS ~VERBAL VIOLENCE~ IS JUST HOW I TALK, DIPSTICK. ISN'T IT ABLEIST OR SOMETHING TO MAKE FUN OF HOW I TALK? FOR SHAME.

AND I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT FOR ONCE, MY QUADRANTS ARE ACTUALLY SORTED OUT. AND UNLIKE YOU, I'M NOT TRAPPED IN A PERPETUAL HORMONAL GHOST LIMBO--I AGE! I'M NINE, SO YOU CAN STOP WITH THE LOOKING-DOWN-YOUR-SNIFFNODE THING. IT'S NOT A GOOD LOOK ON YOU

 

It sounded to me like he was saying that he and Karkat aren't brothers 'cause all trolls come from the same genetic material in the mothergrub, they are from two different universes, and they were not raised by the same person.

 

HolY fuck MY GuY
Does this pseudo-progressive mumbo-jumbo not extend to the dude in the Yellow helmet?
You can't just fucking call The Dude out on not being considerate of Stitches here then just turn around and take jabs at Tuna Hawk for having pan problems, You motherfucking hypocrite.
That shit's fucked, Dude.

 

His counterpart may not be rude enough to snicker at this, but Ford is. This is just what happens when they try to use metaphors like everyone else does.

 

Wait alternate universes?
How the fuck is Short 'n ShoutY still alive while You are dead?
You're prettY fucking obviouslY not Alternian, which means You're the Beforan one, but You're both candY motherfucking red?
One of You shouldn't have been able to survive for this long, the subjugglators have been on high alert for Your blood tYpe since That One GuY got put down.
You know, the one whose sYmbol Short 'n ShoutY has plastered on his shirt.

 

I'm surprised that the other you couldn't follow that. It seemed simple enough to me.

 

IT WASN'T EASY BUT IT'S NOT IMPOSSIBLE, DUMBDUMB. AND I DO ACTUALLY HAVE A NAME, SO YOU COULD...GASP...CALL ME KARKAT INSTEAD OF THAT? FEWER SYLLABLES, EASIER ON YOUR PAN, I DON'T HAVE AN ANEURISM, IT'S WIN-WIN

 

I was an organic! Now I'm mostly mechanical, but outside of Japan the distinction comes with a lot of baggage. A lot of humans stop considering people to be real people once they get a full conversion. Other places don't even offer dragon 'borg conversions! We're not human enough. -obviously derisive snort- Fuck'em though, dragons are awesome! Not even glitterboys can stomp oni like we can! -they fly lazy circles around Lacuna-

 

Mechanoid. I think you'd probably still be classified technically as organic if that's what your brain is right now, but it's a blurry line with you! But that's really dumb that other humans don't consider you a person. That's soooo organicentric, mechanoids and organics are just different types of life, it's not like organics are less alive or the other way around!

 

Unless y9u are physically incapa6le 9f n9t spewing half-f9rmed insults f9r even a sec9nd, I d9n't feel asking y9u p9litely t9 t9ne it d9wn is in any way a6leist. If y9u are, in fact, physically incapa6le 9f acting like an adult, I will gladly take y9ur disa6ility int9 acc9unt. Are y9u physically incapa6le 9f the maturity required f9r adulth99d and civil c9nversati9n, Karkat?

The SGRU6 sessi9n in my universe did n9t p9ssess the t99ls necessary t9 c9mplete the game, and my team lacked the s9cial skills. As a result, we were f9rced t9 trigger an 96scure game c9nstruct which w9uld essentially re699t 9ur universe int9 9ne capa6le 9f "6irthing" a successful sessi9n. Karkat Vantas, my f9rmer dev9ted pupil wh9 has apparently ch9sen the life 9f a nuisance instead, was m9st likely my ancest9r in my universe. However, when the "scratch" 9ccurred, I 6ecame his ancest9r instead and used many p99r tactics t9 initiate a rev9luti9n 9n 6ef9rus, n9w kn9wn as "Alternia" in this new universe.

 

ARE YOU PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE OF ENGAGING WITH ME AS AN EQUAL FOR MORE THAN THIRTY SECONDS, BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE AN EFFORT TO MEET SOME ARBITRARY STANDARD OF ADULTHOOD JUST SO YOU'LL STOP YOUR "LOOK HOW MUCH BETTER I AM THAN KARKAT" SONG AND DANCE. KEEP PRANCING, FUCKER. I'M NOT INTERESTED.

 

It's fine where I live, at least. We're treated like heroes because the conversion process is pretty scary and we do it to keep people safe. There's even an anime about Tsunami like me! The Empire's kind of scared of us, but they're scared of most tech after the Rifts came. We just don't go in their territory unless we have to, and when we do they're pretty grateful even if we are big and scary.

 

Were you scared?

 

"That's not what was going on." Ford sighs, then glances at his counterpart. "Remember: djinn are daemonic. They're even more literal than we are."

 

... daemonic?

 

-they slow down their glide and tap a claw to their face thoughtfully- A little. I didn't like going under for the process, and I'd heard stories of people who woke up in the middle of it.

And... the brass try to make the numbers look smaller but a lot of dragon 'borgs end up with mental health issues after a while in service. For us Tsunami it's usually from being on the front lines. When we're out we're always up to our armpits in blood. Imperial and Flame Cloud models also have the more dramatic changes to deal with- our brains aren't built for serious changes to our body shape like it sounds like yours are. I got off lucky, my arms and legs are still where they feel like they should be, I just had to deal with suddenly having a tail and wings. But Imperials and Flame Clouds are completely different, more serpentine traditional dragons, and it messes with their head. Then you put them on the front lines fighting oni...

 

I ap9l9gize if my manner came 9ff as at all c9ndescending 9r demeaning. As a culling victim, I understand h9w frustrating it can 6e t9 n9t 6e taken seri9usly and t9 6e treated as an eternal child, and w9uld n9t wish t9 pass 9n that experience t9 a new fl9ck. I h9pe that we can m9ve past this, and f9ster new levels 9f understanding and mutual g99d will.