shitposting rave 4: (almost) anything goes

here lies karkat vantas, suffocated by the immense existential burden of his ancestor's sad, scraggly lip hair
truly the worst excuse for a 'stache that ever crawled out of an unwashed adolescent flap of skin

someone get this man a razor and some shaving cream. control the damage before we lose more. please. my children are starving

 

Suddenly Strider

Complete With The Beginnings Of A Strider Monologue

Only The Beginnings Though

 

I d9n't appreciate 6eing passive-aggressively accused 9f 6eing s9me kind 9f cult leader. I d9n't want t9 6e w9rshipped, I wanted t9 6e a6le to live 9n a n9rmal fucking w9rld that w9uldn't slaughter me f9r daring t9 exist.

Failed at that misera6ly, 6ut whatever. The p9int still stands.

It l99ks g99d.

 

YES. THE WEIGHT IS UNBEARABLE, I'M BEING CRUSHED BY THE HORRIFIC MASS OF THIS FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE

REMEMBER ME WELL, FRIENDS, ENEMIES, AND WEIRD ROBOTS

ONLY A MONOLOGUE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS DESERVES TO BE MY EULOGY, KANAYA. NOTHING SHORT AND SACCHARINE WOULD BE FITTING, AND I'M NOT LETTING YOU CLIPPED TOENAILS DISGRACE MY MEMORY. CLEARLY SOMEONE NEEDS TO SHOUT THIS OVER MY CORPSE ONCE I FINALLY LEAVE THIS EARTH

DIDN'T SAY YOU WANTED IT. SAID THEY WERE WORSHIPING YOU, AND BY PROXY ME. DO YOU THINK I *WANTED* TO INHERIT THE LEGACY OF YOUR ACTIONS DISTILLED AND AMPLIFIED THROUGH AGES OF FANATICAL EMBELLISHMENTS? YOU'RE NOT A CULT LEADER, BUT YOUR IMAGE INSPIRED ONE

IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME SHIT OF NOT BEING SEEN AS A PERSON WITH A PRETTY NEW BOW

 

yeah thats why zzapzz macgee yells at every1 who worships u. a tru bro.

 

what does the word "good" mean to you because what im looking at seems like the antithesis of good by every measure i can conceive
is good a euphemism for terrible in alternian
please, educate me about your culture

 

IT'S ALWAYS OPPOSITE DAY ON ALTERNIA

YOU LOOK GREAT, DAVE

 

It makes me l99k 9lder.

*He tries to huffily pull his shitty grey hood over his face, but forgets that it has holes for his horns and just ends up ripping it more.*

 

HA

 

awww

no it doesnt, sweaty

 

i get the sense if i was capable of growing facial hair it would look exactly like that and that isnt a compliment

 

I d9n't kn9w exactly what y9u think y9u've w9n here, 6ut c9ngratulati9ns, I guess?

It adds depth and angling t9 my face.

 

OH, NO, THAT WASN'T A LAUGH OF TRIUMPH

I WAS SO AMUSED BY THE THOUGHT THAT *THAT* COULD MAKE YOU LOOK ANYTHING OTHER THAN PUBESCENT AND A LITTLE DOUCHEY THAT MY NOISEBOX HAD AN INVOLUNTARY REACTION. IT KIND OF HURT, ACTUALLY. MY FACE WASN'T BUILT FOR SHIT THIS HILARIOUS

 

come here and ill teach u how to contour with makeup,

 

Why w9uld I put even m9re dirt 9n my face?

 

i mean uve got some on ur lip

 

golly, thanks karkles
you're looking stellar yourself
almost like you didnt just wake up to the sweet smell of a hot wet fart of a burrito-guzzling centaur
am i speaking human or alternian

 

AM I SWOONING OR GAGGING? PERHAPS BOTH? PERHAPS...NEITHER?! PERHAPS SOME ARCANE RITUAL TRIGGERED BY IMAGINING THAT SMELL, AND OH GOD, THE ACCOMPANYING SOUND. LIKE A THOUSAND UNHOLY BUTT-TRUMPETS SERENADING THE HEAVENS WITH THEIR ACCURSED MUSIC

 

*ominous honking*