shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

I MEAN, SORT OF? MORE LIKE A LUMP OF NASTY GROWS OUT OF YOUR HAND AND THEN SPREADS TO WHATEVER BITS YOU REQUIRE TO CONTINUE LIVING

OH, IT'S GONE TOO! AND YES, OF COURSE I PLAYED A PART IN THAT. I REGRET MANY THINGS!

 

How'd the first one get wrecked?

 

GEE, THESE HARD-HITRING QUESTIONS SURE DON'T STOP! KEEP 'EM COMING, LET'S ALL RELISH MY FAILURES WITH A TASTY GARNISH OF CIRCUMSTANTIAL FUCKERY. MM'MM GOOD

CANCER SPREADS.

 

...yeah, but, you're from a different, uh, 'frog', right?

 

THAT DEFINITELY DID NOT STOP ZAPPY MCTENTACLE WOOFDEMON FROM GETTING IN OURS AND WRECKING SHOP, SO WHO KNOWS!!

 

...well, two down, one to go?

-She makes a silly face to convey this is a dumb joke.-

 

ONE DAY I WILL LOOK BACK, AND BEHIND ME WILL BE A TRAIL OF WRECKAGE

"THERE IT IS," I'LL WHISPER, A GLEAMING TEAR WELLING UP. "THAT USED TO BE THE ENTIRE MULTIVERSE"

I SAY THIS TO NO ONE IN PARTICULAR, OF COURSE, BECAUSE NO ONE IS LEFT, BEFORE SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTING THROUGH THE SHEER FORCE OF MY OWN IDIOCY.

 

It'll be an accomplishment, at least.

 

I AM SIMPLY THE BEST AT BEING GARBAGE

 

You're an inspiration to garbage everywhere. -bows-

 

VILE TRASH HEAPS SHUDDER AND OOZE FECULENT SLIME IN AWE WHEN THEY HEAR MY NAME.

"O M G KARKAT!! HE'S SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT" THEY SAY, STARRY EYED. AND YES THEY DO INDEED HAVE GANDER BULBS--A THOUSAND MISMATCHED AND IMPROBABLY PLACED PEEPERS! THE RADIOACTIVE WASTE DOES THAT.

 

Damn, I didn't get any extra eyes. I guess my garbage pile just wasn't good enough.

 

OH, NO, THE PILE GETS THE EYES.

WHAT DO YOU GET? NOTHING AND ZILCH. THE CRUEL MISTRESS PARADOX SPACE GAZES DOWN UPON US ALL AND SAYS "EAT SHIT AND DIE, LOSERS" BEFORE DOING A SICK KICKFLIP INTO THE HORIZON

 

She gets eyes too? -throws up arms- I'm registering a complaint with the multiverse.

 

I WILL DESTROY ALL THE EYES!!!

 

"Don't get me wrong--I'm not offering--but have you never considered that people who get laid a lot don't want to destroy the universe?" Lissa looks up at Burt, her expression slightly sour. "I do have some really good weed, though, if you don't mind a bit of nip in it?"

 

NO! DESTROYING THE UNIVERSE IS OBVIOUSLY SUPERIOR TO WEED AND GETTING LAID!

 

@Pollux Why was I supposed to come here again?

 

'Cos you're pretty and I like my weird-ass dimension hoppin' shenanigans t'have pretty things in 'em. -grins-

 

Flatterer. [He lifts his wings flirtily briefly, before resettling them against his back.]
Anyway what am I looking at, and why do I just know you've been offending a couple of wilting flowers with your overflowing charm and attractiveness?