social anxiety?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Missfortunate, Mar 1, 2015.

  1. Missfortunate

    Missfortunate Emotional one

    Okay so the last couple days i havnt been able to post here(well anything significant) and Like I hate it...I really enjoy talking with the people here but I just get stuck and think I have nothing to offer or that anything I say is extremely dumb and feel sort of scared of rebuttal I guess? I dont know very well how to deal with this feeling and even putting this down is difficult and time consuming and I feel kind of sick and probably am going to scream into my pillo or puke-.- anyone got any secrets to beat it? Gagh :( my buddy told me to just put something out there so here it is Im sorry if this is dumb
     
    • Like x 3
  2. vegacoyote

    vegacoyote dog metaphores and pedanticism

    No advice, just reassuring noises. I been there enough it's prolly more accurate to say I live there.
     
    • Like x 1
  3. albedo

    albedo metasperg

    It's not dumb, I am completely doing the same thing. I have a bad habit of running away from social stuff because it's scary and I feel like I'm doing it wrong and annoying everybody.

    I think your buddy's right that putting something out there is a good thing to do, no worries. Acknowledging the stress is the first step to beating it, because then we can tell you that it's okay, and it's not a shameful secret anymore. :)

    Just keep on keeping on, and don't be afraid to treat yourself well. It does get better.
     
    • Like x 1
  4. wes scripserat

    wes scripserat Hephaestus

    hola friend.
    you are cool.
    as a fellow seebsling/kinsugin/kinsugikin/whatever the hell we're calling ourselves, i say that
    well
    i'm convinced y'all will figure out that i'm not as cool as you seem to think.
    what's cool about this forum is we all seem to be slightly brainweird.
    which is nice, to know i'm not alone.
    :D
     
    • Like x 2
  5. Missfortunate

    Missfortunate Emotional one

    I agree, and dont worry @wes scripserat I am very lame and @vegacoyote your an adorable sweetheart <3 @albedo exactly! Wrong and annoying everybody but im glad im aparently not doing this thing wrong? Thank you guys so much! Im just gonna be my weird self amd cry for a few and drink gatorade then be back
     
    • Like x 1
  6. wes scripserat

    wes scripserat Hephaestus

    @Missfortunate
    for me cool involves working through your brain being against you and posting even something small.
    because brainweirds are
    weird.
    ^
    did i really just say that???
     
    • Like x 1
  7. albedo

    albedo metasperg

    Nope, all good! :)

    Is there anything we can do to help? I'm always most nervous that people are secretly annoyed by me and won't tell me, because I'm spergy and not very good with social cues. So I would like to be told explicitly if I'm being irritating or weird, so that in the absence of 'hey, stop that' I can stop worrying. I'm not sure if that would also be helpful for you, or if there's something else that would help?
     
    • Like x 1
  8. Missfortunate

    Missfortunate Emotional one

    @wes scripserat you did just say that and I THINK i understood it, honeatly though im gonna try to remwmber that, even small things are progress >. <
     
    • Like x 1
  9. wes scripserat

    wes scripserat Hephaestus

    to quote dory, who manages to make what would usually be irritating amusing "just keep swimming
    "[​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2015
    • Like x 1
  10. liminal

    liminal I'm gonna make it through this year if it kills me

    some of the coping strategies I've come up with over the years:

    1.) remember how shitty your anxiety's track record is, and how 99.999999% of the time things never turned out as badly as you thought they would.

    2.) remember that your friends think you are awesome, and your friends like awesome things. So if someone says you are awesome and you disagree with them and think they are lying then you are calling them a liar and also saying they have bad taste. (which I know sounds harsh but that's pretty much the only way I've learned to begrudgingly start to tolerate or even sorta like myself)

    3.) do something soothing that doesn't require much brain power until the physical feelings go away. Read a webcomic. Play some of those facebook games (or register for neopets and play games so you can earn neopoints to feed your cute little jubjub or something) get some newsprint and some charcoal and draw squiggly geometric shapes to your fav music and clean up the mess later. The sky is the limit! The idea though is it's something you don't have to put a lot of thought into and you find grounding.

    4.) relax any muscles that are tense. Keep doing it every time you notice it. It's a pretty gradual effect and it takes awhile but I've found it takes the edge off of panic attacks. They still suck, but every little bit helps.
     
    • Like x 3
  11. wes scripserat

    wes scripserat Hephaestus

     
  12. Missfortunate

    Missfortunate Emotional one

    what is spergy? Im sorry if thats dum of me to ask! Also im not so sure Im good at social cues either cos my S O sometimes gets...annoyed? Aggrevated? One of those at me if i cant tell something that should be obvious? but I think shes mad and i get scared aand curl up or laugh cos im nervous ans that juat snowballs it and blagh it ends with her trying to understand that I didnt understand and then try to explain in a way I understand? And agh im rambling
     
  13. Missfortunate

    Missfortunate Emotional one

    I say that alot!
     
    • Like x 1
  14. Missfortunate

    Missfortunate Emotional one

    oh my goodness nunber one and nunber two! Very truee ive been working on two cosspecialy in regards to comments in my appearance
     
  15. Missfortunate

    Missfortunate Emotional one

    Also @albedo That could help, but mostly just reassurance I think that Im mot fucking everything up helps me
     
  16. emythos

    emythos Lipstick Hoarding Dragon

    @Missfortunate You are awesome, remember that.
    Seriously, the "oh gods everyone secretly hates me and thinks I'm so sosososo annoying" is pretty much a massive thing with me, too. It helps to have someone you can just text or something and be like am I universally hated? no? great!
    Note: you have my phone number, I volunteer.
     
    • Like x 1
  17. Missfortunate

    Missfortunate Emotional one

    Thank you @emythos I will keep that in mind should the (highly likely) event that I need it arise
     
    • Like x 1
  18. albedo

    albedo metasperg

    Oops, sorry about that! I got lazy and forgot that it was a weird term. "spergy" is a flippant/silly shorthand for "Asperger's syndrome-ish". In this case, I just mean that I'm bad at reading social cues like body language or tone. Sperging is also talked about in other parts of the forum, by which folks mean "something I'm really interested in and like to talk about".

    Asperger's syndrome is a slightly obsolete term for "high functioning" autism - the kind of autism where you can mostly pass for "normal", but not quite. There's more about it in the Sperglord Central subforum - "sperglord" being another silly shorthand for "Asperger's syndrome-having person".

    Seebs has a list of observed autistic traits here, which might be helpful: http://the-real-seebs.tumblr.com/post/99585500938/hey-seebs-im-meeting-with-a-psychiatrist-today . And some folks have been going through the list with personal experiences, including me, over on the Sperglord Central subforum. (I should note that I'm going to attempt an official diagnosis, but I don't have one right now; I just strongly suspect that I'm autistic.)

    And yeah, jeez, that's the story of my life! That's why I'm full of anxiety today too. If the list sounds like you, you might want to consider writing up a ramble and posting it; it can be helpful to have an explanation for "bad at social" besides "not trying hard enough somehow I guess". Might just be anxiety too, though; anxiety sucks.

    I'm always happy to give reassurances, anyway. :) You didn't bug me, by the way, I just needed to go take a shower so I was afk for a few minutes.
     
    • Like x 1
  19. Missfortunate

    Missfortunate Emotional one

    @albedo im definettly gonna check that out, I had no Idea aspergers was the same as high functioning autism, but my theeapist and I were working on diagnosis stuff before I stoped going and also Im glad I didnt bug you hehe, I went for a shower myself
     
  20. albedo

    albedo metasperg

    Yep! Basically, Asperger's was defined as "autism without difficulty talking/using language". That's kind of misleading because a lot of Asperger's-y folks actually do have trouble talking/using language under stress, and a lot of "lower-functioning" autistics can type or otherwise communicate. So recently - within the last couple years - the big psychology books have retired the "Asperger's" diagnosis, and just lumped everything into autism.

    Good luck on the therapy front; I've been in and out a couple times too. It's so damn hard to keep going.
     
    • Like x 1
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