Bad, Hilarious, Or Just Absurd Baby Names

I know there's Japanese dogs named Lettuce? I remember seeing a blog for a little poodle named Lettuce, but that's a different kettle of fish than small baby Cake.

 

My friend is acquainted with a family who named their kid Ronin. Apparently he's a little shit.

When I worked for doc imaging, I saw some wild'n'crazy names come through on forms, but they are lost to time on an old phone whose files failed to transfer so I could look up the convos I had with my Starbucks friend shrieking about "THIS IS REAL LIFE." Alas.

 

http://www.babycenter.com/2_5-baby-naming-pitfalls_10415850.bc

I didn't even consider the email handle thing and now I'm giggling.

 

Belated, but, being named after an extremely common romantic flower, I've never had to spell my first name.

 

I was looking things up for a thing and was reminded that Nicholas If-Jesus-Christ-Had-Not-Died-For-Thee-Thou-Hadst-Been-Damned Barbon was a real person who really existed. At least it was his middle name.
His dad was Praise-God Barebone, spelling being a bit optional back then.

 

this is not a baby name, exactly, but I would like to take this opportunity to shame myself for replacing a fifteen-letter deadname (first name four, last name eleven, five syllables) with a twenty-letter chosen name (first name nine, whole shebang is seven syllables). great job, Past Me, you thought you had problems fitting your name on things before... (my nickname (Alex) is still four letters, but I like Alexander way better, I'm kinda just going for plausible gender deniability at this point. passing??)

 

...how many porn stars seem like they have porn pseudonyms, but actually they just have terrible names, do you think?

 

The vast majority are using a porn pseudonym, though often that's just the last name. Some have original names that would have worked as porn star names, though.

 

I just found out that one of my friend's names is tysin

 

Arvard.
Like "Harvard", but said by a pirate.

(I'm sure it's actually a perfectly normal name in a Scandinavian country or something, but I like my pirate joke…)

 

wait, is it "are-verd" or... "are-vard"???

 

As far as I can tell, the second one. Arrrrvarrrrd, matey.

 

Aardvark.

 

There is someone in my art class called Annalise. Except it's spelled Iannalyse.

 

no

 

That literally does not register as a Word to me. My brain rejects it like it does some fantasy words.

 

I see "lyse" on the end and it's pinging as some name-brand cell lysing product for me.

 

Okay, apparently it's actually pronounced "yanna-lease." She goes by Ianna ("yanna")

 

Marginally more acceptable. I shall allow it.