shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

-wiggles-

-sprays spores-

 

IF THAT'S GELATIN, I'M A SEADWELLER

 

Oh, wow, it's very excited gelatin! I wonder if Jame's seen anything like it. She probably has. She'll probably show up followed by an army of wriggling gelatins that spew whatever this is.

-gazes in wonderment. god damn life is just so interesting sometimes-

You're really grey. Are you ill? Or is it some sort of deformity?

-you can't just ask people why they're grey lyra. but we have all the tact of a small child-

 

-wobbles-

 

-wobbles back at the moldsmall curiously. we are bonding-

 

HA HA, OH *MAN*

LET ME JUST SAVOR THIS FOR A MINUTE. FINALLY AT LONG LAST, GETTING PEGGED AS A DEFORMED PIECE OF SHIT FOR THE WRONG REASON! I AM SO ALIVE.

THE GREY SKIN, TEETH, EYES (WELL THE YELLOW PART AT LEAST), AND HORNS ARE ALL COMPLETELY NORMAL FOR MY SPECIES. HOWEVER!! YOU ARE NOT ENTIRELY WRONG--I AM VERY MUCH DEFORMED. I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU THE TROLL HISTORY RUNDOWN, BECAUSE FRANKLY NOT EVEN I AM THAT MUCH OF A MASOCHISTIC WINDBAG, BUT I CAN'T VERY WELL HIDE SOMETHING MY EYES ARE CONSTANTLY PUTTING ON DISPLAY.

TROLLS COME IN EVERY COLOR EXCEPT THIS ONE! THIS SHADE OF RED ISN'T NORMAL FOR US

BEHOLD MY RARE ~GENETIC ANOMALY~ AND DEATH SENTENCE.

 

... No verbal communication, then?

-lies down next to Moldsmall because this seems like a logical next step-

 

-wobbledance!-

*moldsmall is sparing you*
*You got 0 XP and 10 gold!*

 

*slime noises*

 

MOLDSMAL! WHERE IS MY BROTHER SANS?

 

I don't know why I expected anything to happen.

 

Oh! Those are horns? I thought they were part of some sort of hat, you know. Like a kind of headpiece. So you are deformed but it's not the grey skin and that's just sort of normal for you "trolls"? Trolls sound kind of like a monster. Like darklings or changers or wyrms. You don't look like a monster though, so I guess trolls aren't monsters then and haven't Fallen.

Can trolls Fall?

-she thinks hard on this subject, which she sadly has never learned very much about. hrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-

I guess not. Maybe.

-GAZES IN WONDERMENT AT THE COINS. we've had lots of things but never really pocket money because i mean why would a lady need that? she needs masks and to stay quiet and out of kallystine's way-

 

HE'S ALIVE AND MOVING SO HE OBVIOUSLY HASN'T FALLEN DOWN YET!

 

No, no, no! That's not what Falling is, don't you know anything. Falling is when you're entirely lost to the Darkling and become a monster. One of the enemies of the Kencyrath!

Well, no, you are a skeleton and I've never talked with a skeleton before. Shouldn't you be on a pyre?

 

YOU'RE WELCOME TO COME YANK ON THEM AND MAKE SURE THEY'RE REAL, IF YOU WANT ME TO SHOVE MY FOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOU'LL BE TASTING MY SHOES A WEEK LATER.

YES I AM DEFORMED, I THOUGHT I HAD ESTABLISHED THIS BY PARADING AROUND MY MUTATION LIKE A BADGE OF HONOR BUT I GUESS NOT! WONDERS WILL NEVER CEASE. TROLLS ARE NOT MONSTERS, WE'RE A HIGHLY ADVANCED RACE CAPABLE OF MUCH MORE THAN STANDARD HUMANS.

AS EVIDENCED BY THE FACT THAT EVEN I, AN EXAMPLE OF WHEN BIOLOGY MAKES EVERY MISTAKE IT CAN, AM CLEARLY SAPIENT AND TALKING TO YOU RIGHT NOW, AT LENGTH, ABOUT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF MY INBORN SHORTCOMINGS!

AND I CAN MAKE SICK FLIPS OFF THE HANDLE AND LAND PAINFULLY ON MY ASS, JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER RACE WITH WALKSTRUTS, BUT I GET A SNEAKING INKLING THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU MEAN.

 

-Ancestor's tits, the facepalm is strong-

 

NO!!! THE GREAT PAPYRUS UCHIHA SHOULD NEVER BE ON A PYRE! THE ONLY FLAMES I LIKE ARE THE ONES I SELL IN MY IMAGINARY FLAME SHOP!

AND WHERE IS MY BROTHER SANS?

 

-giggles at that girlishly-

Jame falls down things a lot. You might like her, because you two could relate on the falling bit. Also she's just the most interesting person and all the most interesting things happen when she's around. Like, like Karkinaroth was eaten by Perimal Darkling, and she left to go and find her Kendar that the guards had captured, and then she had the Ivory Knife! The very real one! My consort died that day because he touched it, but he also became a changer before that so I don't know if that was bad or not. It was sad though.

...are the flames imaginary or is it just the shop?

Also who is Sans? Is he a skeleton too?

 

Jame stumbles in, looking as if she hasn't slept for a week. Probably true. And has worn the same clothes the entire time.

"Coffee," she croaks, and manifests a big mug of it. And a chair. She falls into the latter and starts pouring coffee down her throat as if she would die otherwise.

 

-she screeches as only a fangirl can screech-

JAME. JAME LOOK. Look at all these interesting people I am meeting like the skeleton and a troll and a gelatin that gave me coins! And you weren't even around or setting anything on fire!