[nsfw] Iyaan, Karkat-kun: Let's Homestuck some Hentai

Let's just...give Aradia some room and go back to the school. Nepeta is slowly walking into the cafeteria, so how about some meowrails?



Nepeta, I must 1ook to make sure you are healthy and happy. But I do not like the 100d music playing right now. I insist you tell me about se% right now.





E%cuse me, but I don't have "porn" books, I have beautiful and sophisticated books full of the most e%quisite musclebeast erotica.

Aradia's out on the street again. Let's see if she's feeling any better.



She's smiling but not in a happy way. W-Would you like to engage in a time honored poetry slam to vent those feelings?



As you wish. Please stop smiling like that.

Let's check the statue again.



.... what. Tavros, WHAT. WHAT WHAT WHAT

Quick, to the single sex stats!



Oh my god, Equius. And Eridan says you've gone too far! EQUIUS, WHAT DID YOU DO!?

And of course Eridan is at home today so we can't approach him. Wow. WOW.

While my head is spinning, let's check in on the status of the lesbian drama still unfolding.



Aradia wants a go at Roxy to show her how a REAL woman humps her in the street, but...ah. Looks like Roxy's harem is growing. This lesbian drama has turned bisexual. And Terezi is pretending she doesn't care.

This is all very overwhelming. Let's go back to creeping.



They'll never find me.

But then Feferi asked everyone to come eat with her, and we cannot deny someone of such perfect b100d.



WHO IS STEALING YOUR FRIES, MY QUEEN, I WILL DESTROY THEM



She says as Equius breaks the table in half.

After awhile of just hanging around, I heard the porn music again.



What is it with Terezi and this street? I demand you two stop this incredibly erotic display at once!



You can glare at me all you want, this is very improper and I'm running out of towels!



Yep, looks like they're together too. This dodecahedron of love is getting downright Escher-esque.

Aradia! Please tell me you're done being so creepy.



Looks like it. Let's play it safe with some small talk.



*gestures pointedly to EVERYONE*

 

I love Sundays. Sundays are the best days.

 

I am so happy with this romantic absurdity. EVERYONE MUST DATE EVERYONE

 

Jesus dicks the rainbow card makes people run really goddamn fast holy shit. How does anyone keep up with Jane enough to hang out with her?

 

Oh man, Aradia is so in character, it's amazing!

(she just wants to see what happens when this whole school breaks apart!)

 

Karkat's been hanging around a lot and, well, perhaps Equius can be nice. A little. Let's give the little mutant a massage with our STRONG hands.



Don't be absurd, Vantas, I am well sch001ed in deep tissue butt massage and you will be silent and still!



OH NO. The massage! It's power was TOO STRONG! Now Karkat's got some serious love points for Equius! I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO MAKE RELATIONSHIPS HAPPEN.

QUICK, INSULT HIM



I'm sending you mixed messages. *blows kiss, shakes fist threateningly, runs away back to the magic statue*



Looks like Jane and Jade got together.



I command you to tell me about your se% life!



Yeah, I love clavicle sex.

Hey, it's been awhile since we've checked the leaderboards.



Oh! Equius is at the top of the wisdom score now. Nice.



And strength! We're doing our blue blood proud.



Ah, but 15th in popularity. Guess standing in a corner and breathing heavily doesn't make you many friends. Let's do some club work.



You're darn right.

SUDDENLY FIGHT MUSIC



It's Seer vs Seer as Karkat runs away!

Oh, he got Hussie.



Who broke up the fight like an actual teacher! Incredible.

...and then Terezi invited us all to karaoke.





Mostly because Terezi hogged the mic and sang CeeLo Green's "Fuck You" 10 times in a row and neither Equius or Hussie wanted to get in her way.

 

Thanks!

 

So Terezi/Dave/Roxy is a thing? Like an everyone is banging everyone kind of way? C: Terezi doesn't seem that into it, but hell, I'll take what I can get.

 

*joins cant*

 

0 to Oedipal in like 1 week.

i dunno what i expected

 

Nepeta then invited everyone to eat SOME MORE and I just can't deny her anything, so...



No, Roxy, I'm not getting you a "margarita milkshake, hold the milkshake lol."



Nepeta, you will not gossip about your elders. You will also stop eating my food.



That's not latte art, Gamzee, that's just you hallucinating again.



Well...perhaps it wasn't too bad to spend some time with people.

And as soon as we exit the restaurant, Dave insists I come karaoke with him and Dirk.



I will be singing the theme song to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It is a very touching show about the power of friendship and horses, though I regret they do not draw the horses with more musculature.



He said that, but then...



You know how I said there was a song for every voice actor? I might have been mistaken, because Dave launched into a very high-pitched loli voice to sing the perkiest song ever and I'm going to tell myself both he and Dirk spent the entire time singing along to the shittiest anime songs ever. They danced too.

Dave put his hair in pigtails.

Equius unironically thought it was delightful.



Outside, Aradia is being coy and flirtatious and Equius canter believe it. Not after that earlier display.

Perhaps a massage would ease some of her tension? He'll stay away from the butt this time!

 

And then it was the end of the day! Tomorrow: let's play as another guy. Who do you guys want next?

 

Apparently Tavros is living an interesting life of wanton sexual encounters with dangerous and personally unpleasant individuals offscreen, so fuck it, let's go be the guy who's gleefully sticking his genitals into shark/spider infested waters. I vote the goal is to be "hole brothers/rod sisters" with everyone.

 

I am so confused as to who's been fucking whom and I LOVE IT

 

Where did you even find all those towel gifs? Did you make them especially for Equius? Did you go spelunking for them in preparation?