shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

"Yes!" Lissa says, and leaves purple trails in her wake as she moves. "It's fun!"

 

[A Challenger Appears!]

[Or maybe not a challenger per se. But a new face. One that's pale with silver hair and blue eyes, wearing a flowy black dress with armguards.]

[She's also humming, though not anything in particular.]

 

-suspicious staring from safe vantage point-

 

-a cat suddenly appears in the rave. her arms are held up in the air triumphantly. she has a vaguely maddened look on her face and is covered in dirt. there are twigs and leaves clinging to her-

CRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMES!!!

 

-spinning neon thumbs up-

 

[She is oblivious to being watched. So far, that is.]

[Well, she's jumping a bit and shielding her ears.]

Crimes?

 

Yeah. Crimes. Just. Crimes.

Also you're. Uh. Not Gregg? Huh.

Wow. It's like a party. But as a thumbs up. So much neon. So much spinning.

 

Gregg???

-looks around for gregg-

GREGG?

 

:D -spinning neon thumbs up from the OTHER thumb!-

 

No, I'm not Gregg.

[Astute observation and confirmation of such.]

 

I am growing, like, increasingly sure I'm dead. Again.

Gregg's not here. There's sparkly lights. Where's Sharkle though? Nooooo, my one true friend.

So. I guess I can't just call you Not-Gregg. Maybe. I dunno.

What's your name? I'm Mae. Mae Borowski, and I think I'm dead again.

 

WATCH IN AWE, FRIENDS! SOON WE WILL SEE EVEN MORE CHARACTERISTICS OF RABIES, A DISEASE THAT BYSTANDERS CAN BEHOLD WITH WONDERMENT AND FASCINATION! PERSONALLY, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THE FOAMING.

 

Well, you could call me Not-Gregg. I've certainly been called worse.

[She's finally relaxing. If you can call doing a curtsy relaxed.]

Celine is fine and close enough to count, and I'm currently still alive. I presume, anyways. But Daddy would have me brought back if I wasn't.

 

I'll have you know I got my rabies shots. I can personally battle all the town raccoons bare-handed if I want. Which I totally will.

Celine it is then.

Wow. I wish my dad was some sort of necromancer. Or cleric. Or witch maybe. He just works at the local Ham Panther and make dad jokes. It's pretty great, but not if, like, you're dead. You know.

 

Oh, he's not any of those things. But he knows people, like Asa and Zak, and that's assuming Grampa Laru didn't do it first anyways.

[She's fluttering her eyes a bit as she wrings her hands.]

I'm sure there's jokes to be made about that if you do get back to your side, though.

 

I have no idea what any of that means. But ok.

 

:O hopy shit ur such a cute badass lil kitty
here kity kitty
where u from kitty kitty

 

Asa's Asa and Zak is Zak. Anything more than that is where it gets really confusing.

Unless you meant the jokes. Which I mean, nine lives, curiosity killed the cat, those seem like de facto Bad Jokes.

 

PSH, TRASHBEASTS ARE NOTHING. YOU SHOULD TRY IMPS!

TOO BAD ABOUT THE RABIES, THOUGH. I'M SURE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN GRIMLY HILARIOUS. OH WELL, I'LL JUST GO BACK TO COMEDICALLY SHITTING MY PANTS FOR ENTERTAINMENT AROUND HERE

I AM A COLUMN OF "EPIC FAILS COMPILATIONS" AND RAGE QUITS, WAIT FIVE MINUTES AND I'M SURE I'LL DISCOVER A NEW AND EXCITING WAY TO MAKE A HEMORRHOIDAL ASS OUT OF MYSELF IN FRONT OF AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE! WHAT WILL IT BE THIS TIME, AN EXCITED WIGGLER WONDERS, AS SHE PURCHASES A TICKET TO THE SHOW. THE SHOW, OF COURSE, BEING "BEHOLD! THIS TROLL CAN TAKE *ANY* SOCIAL SITUATION AND BUNGLE IT!"

 

I ain't little! I'm just, um. Compact. I guess?

Anyway, I'm from Possum Springs? Which is this little town in the middle of, well, nowhere honestly. We got a Ham Panther and Snack Falcon now though? Which is pretty great. The Pastabilities is closed now though so you have to order pizza from out of town. Or trust the Clik Clak.

Which you shouldn't.

OHHHH. Oh wow I'm dumb. About the jokes. Not the other thing, which I still don't get. I kind of want to be all "No way it'd be really confusing! I get all the things! Always!!!" But I'm going to guess it's actually really confusing this time.

That is...honestly the most relatable thing anyone has ever said ever? Ever. Though my thing is more getting drunk off two cups of watered down beer and threatening my ex? Which sounds a lot worse than it was when you say it like that.