shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

"I don't think I have ever seen someone like you before," says Lissa. "I'm a Talassani. We're felines." She stares at the food. "Is that good to eat, all by itself like that? We use berries and nuts as flavourings, and many plants have medicinal purposes...but berries and nuts by themselves?"

 

"Oh, Lissa didn't stay inside all the time. And an unborn child gets its nutrients from its mother. After it's born, she nurses it until it can eat solid food."

 

That sounds dangerous! They come out before they can eat solids? Why? Organic reproduction sounds very scary.

 

LAAAAME. You're the grossest.

[Maintains grip with his horrible chameleon toes as he leans over to just scoop up some nuts with his tongue.]

You have shit taste in food! Stick some fucking bugs in it.

 

Lissa laughs. "Nursing kits is nice though. I mean not always, nothing is always nice 100% of the time, but most of the time it's nice." She waves to the big bug bot. "Sometimes they get you with their tiny little claws when they knead, or bite when their teeth come in, and that hurts, but they purr and you purr and..." She shrugs. "Most of the time I liked it. Human babies are different from kits. They're born with their eyes open! But they have to wear diapers because wiping them down after they nurse doesn't do anything, so when they're old enough to sit on the pot you have to train them to."

 

What did I miss.

 

The Makers who take care of newsparks seem to like it, so I suppose it makes sense you would like taking care of your newsparks, even if it´s harder and more dangerous. What if they get hurt!
It´s not my job, I´m an engineer. But they are sweet when they learn how to use their legs and how to groom!

 

[She takes a lot of selfies, and most of them seem to devoid of clothes. Things like her contacts and some other files are starting to quickly self-delete.]

[Her sound files are tipping her off that something's up, and she's reaching into her dress to grab it out from her bra.]

Kaaaalden! What are y--

[Something's telling her that's not Kalden's doing.]

 

[Throughout the baby discussion Thunder just. Hunkers down. Be small. Don't think about what probably happened to all the eggs when the swarm got wiped out.]
...they are. And when they're learning how to eat different textures, too.

 

-groom the upset friend!- They make funny faces!

 

[Groomgroom. Tiny friendly chirring. Shhhh everything is fine.] They do! Especially with sticky things.

 

Mmm.

 

-gigglechirp, snuggles up to- Sticky stuff is mean! Hard to get off!

 

"Kits get sticky food everywhere," Lissa says, laughing, "everywhere but in their mouths! They're cute when they learn to hunt bugs too, but you have to watch them to make sure they don't eat bugs that sting."

 

Uh duh, what else would be food????
I'm a tfae and I have no fuckin idea what I am. Avian? Maybe? Something like that.

YOU have the shittest taste in food who fuckin' eats bugs, only gross weirdoes do.
[He cackles again.]

Meeeeee~

[More cackling]

[GASP A ROBOT. WHICH MEANS A FRIEND. HE PINGS ROBOT FRIEND. FRAND????]

 

*Squints, pings back*

I can talk you know.

 

[Ping ping ping ping ping!!!!!]

 

-She drapes over Scanner, using his head to prop up her own head.-

 

"Uh...bugs? Meat? Fish?" Lissa smiles. "Are you really a sapient herbivore?" Her eyes are huge. "Or...do you just not like bugs?"

 

If you don't stop you'll regret it, little thing. Mostly I'll be upset and you won't like that.