shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

-theres is text, neocybex glyphs converted into 3d shapes for insect eyes- It´s easier to see and sketch like this. -dismisses the picture, sketches a rough shape of an egg with his claws in the air.-

 

[He inclines his head like the suave cool cat that he is.]
Ain't that the truth.

If ya mention Big M on the same vent, ya can't actually expect'em ta stay dead, dearest.

 

!!!!! [Excited chirping!!!]

 

-SNERK. Don't be rude, Circuit-

Fuck I hope not, how do you steal a sun? One of the Nine Heresies claims it might be a star. Or a planet that vanished. Or another planet that's under cultural quarantine enforced by a net of giant fuck-off guns. Nobody knows what it really is, which makes finding it a lot harder.

 

Didn't they get nailed by the DJD? I mean, trust Megatron to weasel his way out of that somehow because he's Megatron and the DJD were his dogs, but you can't tell me he'd lift a single servo to help others, especially not bots. And especially not bots who are his jailers and are on their way to bring him to whatever justice the Knights of Cybertron dole out.

Sun, star, same thing. Similarly difficult to steal as a planet, I guess. What even are the logistics of stealing a planet? We barely managed to steal a titan...

 

!! How did you hear that!! When is that from?

 

3041, there was a huge broadcast with several of the crewmembers basically giving their last will and testament.

Oh, and, does this work better?
(Apostasia projects a hardlight map of Scelus. Wow, that place is an architectural and logistical nightmare.)

 

Weird slag happens. Last I heard he's wearin' red now, so.

 

!!! We haven't heard that yet, maybe you're in a different part of 3041? Or a different 3041 completely...

[He chirps, curious and entertained, while he pokes through the map.] So many little hiding spots! No good hivespots though. Are there open spaces outside all this?

Yes? That's why he's a target?

 

-happy chirp!- I could give it to you but you´ll lose it when you come back. We should find a way to share it with all the swarms.

 

Yes!!!!!!

 

As if that's any better.

Different part of 3041 sounds about right, or maybe the broadcast just didn't reach you yet. Space does weird slag to messages sometimes. On the other hand so much slag happened this cycle that it might've just plain not made a blip. I mean, buncha bots giving their last words, happened a ton over the past four million cycles...

Immediately outside there's the rust wastes to the east and north and the fields towards the south and west. Those are all a kind of neutral zone we brokered with Hills-and-Sky. That's the planet, by the way, she's sentient.
(Apostasia widens the map to include the wastes and the fields.)
The rust wastes have bad weather.

 

No, we-- normally know who the bosses are chasing so we don't overlap their hunt? They don't like swarming for some reason. Anyway--

Well yes planets are sentient, planets are Ground!! Have to ask before building hives, find a place that won't block sparks or bother the Ground. Rust is tasty but not good for building. Linings for <nurserycave> maybe? [Thoughtful chitterclicking. He is absently grooming his own face, one claw tracing over palps and optic band.]

 

Hell if I know. I hope the Forge is being kept in someone's storage locker or something. Make things much easier. But according to legend the One stole it, but since it has a will of its own it told him to get fucked.

If you listen to the Chronicles, it's: Approximately anything but what the Nine Heresies claim it might be.

According to the Nine Heresies, it's: One of nine things, but definitely not any of the other eight, and the Chronicles are full of shit.

So our job of "find just what the fuck the fucking Forge IS, then find it" is fun.

My favorite theories are "we thought it was a planet but then it shook the dust off, sent pleasantries to the ships that discovered it followed by calculations no-one could figure out, vaporised everyone who couldn't answer said calculations, and vanished while blipping two empires out of existence when they decided to go to war over it" and "tiny wish-granting cube of accidental doom"

 

Huh, then I got nothing. Maybe it hasn't happened for you yet, or the course of events plays out differently.

Also, you guys and Hills-and-Sky might just get along fine.

 

(Apostasia continues laughing. She likes this... guy? gal? Squishy. They're a bit like that Qhori librarian who was neither.)
Probably just a halfway-decent 3D-printer, knowing how legends go. Maybe with connected computer.

But wouldn't it be funny if the thing is in some museum archive or antiques shop as unidentified cult object. Can't even say what era it belongs to so they can't really display it either, so it's just sitting there, merrily dusting away.

 

Nonono, they newsparks will eat the walls! You gotta line it with stuff that doesn´t taste good. -amused fussy chirring-

-gives him a little datastick- Here!

 

[Nods.] Can't build a hive alone, but-- finding places is good. Kind of a habit? Both those things.

None of the Transformers in the city are still at war, right? No badges?

 

[The stick goes into the same mysterious subspace pocket as the other two dataslates. Hoard Bug.] Yes eat the walls, teach them walls are for eating sometimes! <Fixers> put rust and sodium near almost-done eggs to convince them to hatch! We brought it back special!

 

"Help, I ran out of quarks and my universe is only half-printed!" -they're giggle-cackling-

I told the captain that if we find it in some Kelesh collector's tech pile I'm serving her her boots.