shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

"Yes, she does. She told me that some Talassani had claws like me ... but many don't."

Jame extends her inch-long razors from the slots in her gloves to show them.

 

"Really? There must be a lot of intermarriage in your dimension. We weren't sure if Jezebel would have them, but she did." Lissa beckons Jame over. "Come here. Do you want some tsanyara? It makes you relax and you get to see sounds and hear colours a little. Ford and I drank it almost every night for a tenday on Cereus."

 

"Kencyr are hard to poison, and I apparently lack any sensible degree of caution, so absolutely! Though it may not do much."

She walks over to look at it.

 

Lissa produces another glass of softly glowing clear deep teal liquid and pats the couch. "Come sit with us. Tell me about the other me. She seems so sheltered and so very, very royal, but you say that isn't so."

 

NOTHING GOOD WILL COME OUT OF LEARNING ABOUT OTHER YOUS, BELIEVE YOU ME.

 

-he enters. meowping and grunting as is his custom. he is also drooling. as is custom. And Then He Catches The Scent Of A Jame. HE LEAPS INTO THE AIR. MAJESTICALLY. AND SOARS OVER TO JAME. ALL SIX LEGS SPLAYED. CHIRRUPING WITH EXCITED GLEE-

 

Jame sits a bit awkwardly and takes the glass for a sip, rolling it around in her mouth. She swallows and feels it tingle on its way down.

"She can be the Queen when it's needed," she says, "but she didn't so much seek it, as have it happen to her. It was a small household, and then a demon broke the dimensions and a bunch of us helped fight him. We ended up all living there and suddenly it was busy!" She laughs, remembering the chaos of those first few days.

 

"Hello there, strange creature!" Jame says, holding out a hand.

 

OH, COME THE *FUCK* ON! YOU ARE A SADISTIC DEMONBEAST, YOU KNOW THAT? OF COURSE YOU DON'T, BECAUSE YOU PRESUMABLY DON'T COMMUNICATE IN LANGUAGE, BUT I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO DOUBTS THAT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR PASTIMES INVOLVES TORMENTING PEOPLE WHO CAN SMELL YOU WHILE YOU ACT AS ~CUTE~ AND OH-SO-INNOCENT AS POSSIBLE.

 

Ford is horrified. The --whatever it is-- has a smell. He knew that--he's encountered it before. But not on tsanyara.

The smell has a shape. The shape of the smell is indescribable and roiling and foul, shades of brown and green and rot and --it's all he can do not to throw up.

Lissa is making a face. She can smell it, even though women aren't supposed to be able to--but her gender gives her some slight advantage; he knows this because she's not holding her belly as if she can physically hold herself in.

 

-collides with jame and clings to her with his GREAT MIGHTY CLAWS. he continues to chatter and purr excitedly. drool is getting on you probably. he nuzzles jame with his big stupid strill face-

-you are unimportant to jorin as you do not give pets like jame-

 

"Get it away from me!" Ford groans. "Oh, God, Jame, can't you smell it? They say women can't, but Lissa can!"

 

"I...Jame? Apparently most women can't smell that creature, but I can, and all the males here can." Lissa swallows.

 

Jame awkwardly pets the strange creature. "Do you know me from somewhere?" she asks. "and can you sit quietly somewhere? I'll come and pet you later."

 

mrrrp?

-what no. what do you mean later? Pets are now. he lets go and drops to the floor and begins the insistent bumping against her legs with his face. PETS PEEEEEETS-

 

"I'm trying …" she says and pouts to an empty couch a distance away. "How about you lie down here?" She says to the creature, tapping it on the shoulder.

 

"You are as clingy as Jorin," she says. "Are you another me's Jorin?"

 

-he protests this mournfully and boops and looks up. like some sort of horrible puppycat.-

BARK

-he perks up at the sound of his name. YES. YES GOOD. the name often precedes the pets-

 

Ford sprays his pocket square although he really does not want to block out the pleasant smells in the room, and covers his face with it.

 

Jame leads him over to the distant couch. "Stay here and you get more pets," she tells him, scritching the itchy spots on his neck.