shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

IF IT IS YOUR JOB TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE IS "HAPPY" AND "SAFE" YOU'RE A PROSTITUTE, BUT BY ALL MEANS, KEEP FAILING TO UNDERSTAND THE ROMANTIC SYSTEM I JUST CONCISELY EXPLAINED FOR YOU. I REALLY LOVE GETTING HIT ON BY GIANT METAL PEOPLE, I AM JUST OH SO JEALOUS THAT I'M NOT INVITED TO THE PARTY WHERE PEOPLE PRETEND TO BE MY FUCKING LUSUS AND COO OVER ME. I'M NOT THAT KINKY, DUDE.

 

YOU'RE A FUCKING DEMON. GIVE ME A GLASS.

 

*the world around the shed glitches as it explodes*

*red strings reach up from the void*

*voices echo*

*there is a scream and the scream is megalovania*

 

[She offers him a mug of coffee wordlessly. It's very frothy and sweet and seems like it would calm people down very well.]

 

[He gets an elegant glass flute of devilwater]

 

.... Thats Metal As Fuck.

 

BUT MY SHED WAS MADE OF WOOD!

 

Thats Wood As Fuck Sounds Like Something Dipper Would Blush Over And Mabel Would Cackle At.

 

You're darling, but please don't touch my face right now.

His job was to keep his swarm fed and strong and had nothing to do with emotional regulation, but please do keep assuming the language barrier is nonexistent just because someone's set up a jerryrigged area translator. If I wanted to mentor someone it certainly wouldn't be my conjunxes!

 

BUT IT WAS WOOD AS FUCK! AND WHO ARE DIPPER AND MABEL? DO THEY KNOW WHERE MY BROTHER SANS IS?

 

Probably. Especially Dipper. Bother Him. Hes Like Yeah Tall And Wears Stupid Clothes. Human Kid, Brown Hair. SOmetimes He Wears A Dumb Hat, But Less Often Now.

 

[Tiny distress chirps! But he does keep his claws out of Afterglow's face, and instead just kind of pets at his arms. Despite Glow's protests, it sure looks like he's getting papped.] He didn't mean it, stuff happens, we don't have to fight him, he's small and I messed up first...

 

HE'S HUMAN! THAT MEANS I CAN USE HIS SOUL TO BREAK THE BARRIER! WOWIE!

 

[a deeply exasperated look]

IF YOU HIT ON ME IS THAT BLASPHEMY OR THE ULTIMATE FORM OF YOUR WEIRD RELIGION, GIVEN ZEALOT KNOCKOFF NEPETA'S WHOLE..THING.

UH, EW? AS I HAVE ALREADY ESTABLISHED, HE'S NOT MY LUSUS AND THAT ONLY MAKES THE UNDERTONES EVEN WEIRDER, GIVEN THAT THEY WERE APPARENTLY INTENTIONAL!

STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP TALKING ABOUT HOW PITIABLE I AM!!!! ESPECIALLY WHILE YOU'RE ALREADY ENGAGING IN FRANKLY SICKENING DISPLAYS OF PALE PDA.

 

[She grins brightly]
BOTH! SO DRINK UP.

 

You did not. You might have overstepped a little but that's no reason for him to be calling you a prostitute.

Do you have nothing better to do than shame aliens for having different social structures?

 

I don't pity you!!!! And I can hug him as much as I want!!!!!!

That's not an insult!! Confusion happens, I'm okay!

 

[he takes the mug and regards it suspiciously for a moment before taking a drink]

ONLY AS LONG AS YOU KNOW THAT THIS MEANS *NOTHING* AND THAT I WOULD BE AN ABSOLUTE SHIT PARTNER IN ANY QUADRANT YOU ANGLE FOR.

NOT WHEN YOU GET THEM ALL OVER ME I DON'T!

 

The word itself is not. The overall tone of "you disgust me" is.

He acted appropriately for the culture he is used to, and when the offense was pointed out he offered not to do it again. What in all the smelting pits of that deserves "oh, you're a prostitute, ew" as a response?

 

OH NO, SWEETS, I'M LIKE TOTALLY AWARE OF THAT. I'M A PROFESSIONAL.
[Bright customer service smile]