shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

HeY now there ain't nothing wrong with a little wicked elixir, Fam

 

Spoiler: gif

 

I Can Contribute More Explosions If It Helps

 

I mean someone 'splainin what the fresh pit is going on would help more but I can backread if I gotta

 

I SAID THAT EVERYTHING MADE SENSE, ASSFUCK. BECAUSE, SURPRISE SURPRISE, IT'S LESS WEIRD THAT SOMEONE'S HITTING ON YOU IF IT'S THEIR JOB TO HIT ON YOU. THE DIPPING SAUCE OF DISGUST COATING EVERYTHING LIKE A TASTY MARINADE IS MY LINGERING REVULSION AT *BEING* HIT ON, STUPID. I HAVEN'T BEEN FLIRTED WITH THIS MUCH BY THIS MANY PEOPLE I'M NOT INTERESTED IN FOR SWEEPS, FORGIVE ME IF I'M A LITTLE UNUSED TO THE ATTENTION. I AM BEING A GODDAMN SAINT BY MY STANDARDS

THEN STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW SMALL AND FRAGILE I AM AND STOP...UGH, YOU PROBABLY DON'T HAVE A WORD FOR IT. IT'S NOT THE HUGGING. I GIVE UP! I GIVE UP. MY LIFE WILL FOREVERMORE BE ACCENTED WITH A BACKDROP OF HAWT, GIANT PAPS.

[raises his eyebrows warily]

YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF HOW FREAKY YOU ARE, SINCE I'M SURE IT'S INTENTIONAL.

SURE, IT DOESN'T CAUSE ANY PROBLEMS IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PAN TO RUIN IN THE FIRST PLACE. GO AWAY.

 

...hoo boy. That works.

Thunders, scale it back, don't look like he's gonna be stabbing anytime soon. Shouty here's annoyed at the PDA, not you bein' with us at all.
Glow, what the actual frag has you so het up? He's an alien, he's gonna get freaked out by stuff, miscommunication goes both ways.
Kiddo, which of 'em hit on ya and what are you calling "hit on"?

 

AnY kind of drug can mess You up something fierce if You have too much of it.


EverYthing in moderation, MY Dude

 

[She giggles. It sounds like depths and despair and imminent death. But like in a cute way.]

 

OH MY GOD NO I'VE ESCAPED PALE HELL AND FALLEN ASS-FIRST INTO ASHEN. FDJFKJDFLSDJFLDJFJKDASDLSLFDKLD

FINE I WILL PLAY ALONG FOR NOW FOR THE SAKE OF NOT WANTING TO RIP MY GANDERBULBS OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS WITH MY BARE HANDS EVERY TIME I END UP HERE. FIRST POINT: DO NOT CALL ME KIDDO. I AM AN ADULT. I HAVE BEEN AN ADULT FOR A WHILE NOW. JUST BECAUSE LOWLY SHITBLOODS LIKE MYSELF DON'T MAKE IT TO A THOUSAND SWEEPS DOESN'T MEAN I'M A WIGGLER.

SECOND POINT: HIS NAME IS APPARENTLY THUNDERSOMETHING? I AM USING CONTEXT CLUES SO I MIGHT BE WRONG! NOT THE PINK GUY. HE WAS ALL CONCERNED FOR ~THE STATE OF MY WELLBEING~ AND MADE SOME NOISES THAT WERE FRANKLY PRETTY EXPLICIT! AND THEN HE *WAS ALL WORRIED ABOUT HOW MUCH SLEEP I'M GETTING*

 

Erk. Problem solving is also romantic for you? I don't even wanna know how your culture works. Sorry for calling you a kid, though, I have no idea how big your species gets and I'm kinda guessing at everything here.

Aaand I'm guessing if problem solving is flirting then being worried is also flirting? Thunders-- Thunderwing, big blue-black shiny fragger-- totally does the "worry about everyone" dance, I can see where that might come off as creepy. Want an apology or should we just get outta your space?

 

??????

[He does let go of Afterglow and back away a little, completely without subvocalization for once.] Sorry.

 

[yikes.jpg, but if it were an expression]

MY CULTURE IS AN EXCELLENT AND SHINING EXAMPLE OF WHAT A HIGHLY EVOLVED RACE IS CAPABLE OF. OR IT WAS. NOW IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF DUMBSHITS FUCKING AROUND ON OUR PART OF THE PLANET.

PROBLEM SOLVING IS NOT ROMANTIC IN ITSELF! GOD, CAN YOU EVEN *IMAGINE?* IT'S THE CONTEXT OF THE THING. YOU ARE HOPPING IN TO A ROMANTIC CLUSTERFUCK AND GOING "SHIT, LET ME FIX THAT" SPECIFICALLY WITH REGARDS TO SAID ROMANTIC CLUSTERFUCK. THAT'S ASHEN, OR AT LEAST CLOSE ENOUGH THAT IT'S CREEPING ME OUT A LITTLE BIT. MOSTLY I WOULD LIKE EVERYONE TO STOP FURIOUSLY GNAWING ON MY ASS FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS SO I CAN CALM DOWN BEFORE I HAVE AN ANEURYSM AND/OR A PRIMO SHITFIT. I DON'T WANT A PERMA-BAN ON ROBOTS TALKING TO ME, THAT'S DUMB AS HELL AND EXCEPT FOR THE FLIRTY NOISES THE BUG DUDES ARE KIND OF COOL.

 

I don't know if what I am feeling right now is indescribable terror or indescribable attraction.

WhY are fuchsias so scarY

 

OH I'M NOT LIKE REALLY FUCHSIA? I'M A BIT MORE PURPLE THAN THE HEIRRESSES ARE! BUT THANKS! YOU'RE CUTE TOO!

 

Yeah I feel You, even though I'm a clown, I run prettY blue for a purple and oh MY Messiahs She's calling me cute fuck fuck

 

Okaaaay. I ain't gonna try and explain why I'm stepping in when you just said you want some space, but sure, we can give you breathing time, no prob.

Spoiler: encrypted comms to Thunderwing, Afterglow:

Get over here and stop crowding the poor guy for solomussakes, both of you.

 

...THANKS?

[he waits for them to walk away before somehow lighting the devilwater @aurumIlluminatrix gave him on fire, and tosses it somewhere far away from anyone to watch it blow up. ~*catharsis*~]

 

[She winks and then goes off to continue doing the coffeeshop thing. Coffee. For everyone. It is good for the soul.]

 

Feels Fucking Awesome Doesnt It?
[She is the smuggest proudest destructive bug ever.]

 

-hardcore blushing-