shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

ALTSELVES ARE JUST A LAUGH AND A HALF, HUH? NOW, HERE'S THE FUN PART! WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THE ALPHA YOU AND WHICH ONE OF YOU IS DISPOSABLE?

 

"It sounds like it's a bit busier than yours, of late. Not so much before, perhaps? They went from the two of them, and sometimes Valiska's sister and her spouse and children, to a whole crowd. It's a good thing they built a big house." She grins. "Nice place, too. It's mostly underground on an ocean cliffside. Much bigger than it looks."

 

A gurlanin, a clawdite, a shi'ido, or any other number of changelings. There's quite a few such species in the Galaxy. I've had the misfortune of having rather...unpleasant run-ins with shapeshifters while on business. So, yes. I do meet many that could. Or perhaps not many, but it's not an insignificant amount.

-it is very weird actually having to look at her face to figure out how she's feeling. this is weird. stop being weird. he calming down somewhat in some ways though because at least everyone else seems to be corroborating her story and this nice yelly grey man couldn't lie. could he? well neither could jame. oh no-

 

...I'm afraid I don't understand? Why would any of us be disposable?

 

"Unless the timelines collapse, none of us is disposable." Ford glances at him sidewise. "We live in different universes."

"I'd have built like that if it had all been up to me, but Stan doesn't like the idea of having the whole place underground."

"She's not a fucking shifter," Ford says. "I've taken tsanyara, if she were a shifter I'd be able to tell."

 

That matter has already been cleared up, yes.

 

TO BE ENTIRELY FAIR, I'M NOT SURE HOW IT WORKS WITH REGARDS TO...DIFFERENT UNIVERSES? UNIVERSII? ANYWAY! IT WOULD BE MORE LIKE IF THERE WAS SUDDENLY A DOUBLE OF YOU WITH THE EXACT SAME MEMORIES EXCEPT FOR ONE SEEMINGLY-UNIMPORTANT EVENT. LIKE, FUCK I DUNNO, THREW OUT THE BURNT GRUBLOAF YOU MADE FOR BREAKFAST INSTEAD OF EATING IT. AT WHICH POINT, ONE OF YOU MADE THE "RIGHT" CHOICE AND GETS TO LIVE, AND THE OTHER ONE GETS DROPKICKED INTO THE TRASH CAN THAT IS (NATURALLY) THE DUBIOUSLY-EXISTENT AFTERLIFE LIKE THE PLATE OF BURNT GRUBLOAF.

SO WHY DID YOU SAY ANYTHING, KARKAT?

IT'S A COMPULSION TO BE AS OBNOXIOUS AS POSSIBLE AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT. EVEN AS I REALIZE THE WORDS I REGURGITATE ARE LESS THAN USEFUL FOR THE SITUATION AT HAND, I KEEP FUCKING TALKING! "STOP DIGGING"? NAY, I SAY! I WILL DIG MYSELF A HOLE SO DEEP I POP OUT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET, COVERED IN DIRT AND WEARY FROM MY GRUELING SHAME JOURNEY.

AND THEN I DIG ANOTHER HOLE, IMMEDIATELY.

OH SHIT, BEATEN TO THE PUNCH BY PHYSICS DUDE. WHAT HE SAID, WITH ADDITION THAT I'M A BLABBERING IDIOT, YADDA YADDA, THIS IS NEWS TO NO ONE.

 

"It's all right, Karkat." Ford grins at the troll. "It sounds like you've been through a timeline collapse, or something quite like it. Those are harrowing at best."

 

No, no. It's confusing and more than a bit mortifying a notion, but it was an explanation. One that likely applies as much to myself as the Force does to you. Which isn't much given that you're as lacking in the signatures as everyone else I have met here. Still potentially useful to know, however.

 

"Stan didn't find out where his brother had gone until recently, for my Pines family. So nobody to veto a bunker, I imagine? There is one above ground floor, and then the flyer shed above." She grins. "I'm going to get someone to teach me to fly one of those. Before I have a wild moment and try without help …"

 

"Ah, that does make sense. I think the other me went wandering longer than I did. I wanted to go home because I didn't know what had happened to Tate and Delilah, and after I met Lissa, we had to go back."

 

I HAVEN'T, ACTUALLY. OTHER MES DID BUT I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT THAT, DESPITE ALL THE TOUCHY-FEELY BULLSHIT ABOUT HOW THE

[he bats his eyelashes and clasps his hands underneath his chin while grinning sarcastically. it probably looks a little creepy, actually]

MEMORIES HAVE BEEN INSIDE ME ALL ALONG, IF I JUST UNLOCK THEM SOMEHOW!

I'M ALPHA KARKAT, WHICH MEANS EVERY STUPID CHOICE I MADE ~HAD TO BE MADE~ UNLESS EVEN WORSE SHIT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. YAY!!!!! I AM SO DELIGHTED AT THE KNOWLEDGE THAT I'M BLAMELESS THAT I COULD JUST SHIT SPRINKLES AND KEEL OVER OUT OF SHEER ECSTASY.

IF YOU'RE REFERENCING MY INABILITY TO FORCE MY GAPING MAW SHUT BEFORE I CATCH FLIES, THAT DEFINITELY DOES NOT APPLY TO ME. BUT I GET THE SNEAKING SUSPICION THAT ISN'T WHAT YOU MEAN AT ALL.

 

-robotic jedi bow goes here-

I must apologize for my behavior. I have been far too presumptuous. Past experiences or no, fear needs to be reined in.

-laughs lightly at that-

No, that is not what I'm referencing at all. The Force is a sort of essence within all life, at least where I am from. It is a sort of life within life, that binds all living beings together and which guides us all. Some are particularly sensitive to it and able to manipulate it. Pushing or pulling on objects without one's hands, being able to heal with medicine, or to see without your eyes. There's many things that can be done with it.

 

SO IT'S HIPPIE PSIONICS?

 

...

You've lost me again.

 

I KNOW A DUDE WHO CAN SHOOT LASERS FROM HIS EYES AND MOVE SHIT WITH HIS BRAIN, BUT HE DOESN'T NEED TO CONNECT TO ANY LIFE FORCE TO DO IT. AND IF I EVER LET HIM TRY TO HEAL ME WITH HIS PAN RAYS, I WOULD HUMBLY REQUEST THAT I BE EUTHANIZED FOR BEING TOO STUPID TO LIVE.

 

...well we can't shoot lasers from our eyes. I'm...not really certain how that would work. Or how one could move things like that without the Force.

-new things are troubling. they are chaotic. like jame without proper training in the force. the anxiety is rising again so he pulls out his lightsaber and flicks the thing on. it makes a pleasant whoosh sound as the blade flares up. it is being held up carefully, so that it isn't a danger to anyone but also very easy to examine-

We do have lasers for swords though. Not as impressive as eye lasers, I'm afraid.

 

"I think he got into more trouble than you did. But Pennarion seems nicer than what I hear people say about your world, or what I briefly saw there."

She sips on her drink some more. It's not doing much, but it is giving her a light-headedness and slight lack of inhibition. And a very pleasant feeling.

 

"More trouble where?" Ford's mildly amused. "Also, you've never been to my world--you've been to the one he came from. I'm sure they are very different."

 

"All through the Multiverse, apparently. He is notorious in some places, and actually banned from others." She laughs, thinking of it. "And then settled down and changed the world. Good point, though. You're different enough from him. Would make sense if your world was at least as different from his, too."

She leans back in the comfortable chair and sighs happily. Comfortable moments are rare.