shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

[the ketchup is allowed to exist for precisely one second before he snops to both remove the ketchup and change into a suit befitting the occasion]

oh shit you hear that im finally part of a club
at long last the tender feeling of belonging can wash over me like the pungent odor of at least ten gallons of ketchup calling my bluff

 

Its Truly A Thing Of Beauty Isnt It.
[She summons another one of those overly fancy crystal champagne flutes, this time however flled with what looks like straight up hot sauce. It looks deadly levels of spicy.]
Cheers To Your New Found Community.
[She downs the whole thing in one go, staring him straight in the eye. Her mouth is on fire but she's going to intimidate the fucking human in round about bullshit ways and if its the last thing she does.]

 

[dave is impressed but not really intimidated; the poker face communicates absolutely nothing out of the ordinary, though]

cheers id get a glass of kool aid like a normal person but id be lying if i said that wasnt going to have weird connotations for the rest of my life

[he summons a glass of apple juice--or is it monster piss--in a similarly obnoxious flute and sips at it]

then again this has had weird connotations forever now and here i am still downing it like an addict who needs his fix so maybe theres still hope for kool aid yet somewhere within its death throes
terezis probably stopped dead in her tracks wherever she is though like gasp i feel a disturbance in the force almost as if theres suddenly a whole nother share of red jizz beverage for me to consume like the nasty freak i am
cant take that away from her

 

Clearly. Whod Ever Be Able To Do That. Itd Simply Be Rude.
[Who the fuck is Terezi and does she care? No, probbaly not.]

 

obviously and do i look rude to you fuck no
the answer is fuck no and if you say yes let me remind who you just dumped ketchup on and welcomed into the fold
im the politest dickhead youll ever meet

 

How Dare You Imply I Might Have Judgement That Terrible. I Am So Hurt, Priest Human Strider. So Very Hurt.

 

im sure youve established that im human now if the lack of horns and light hair wasnt already doing it for you yknow or do you just like not know my first name despite somehow knowing the last one
hi im dave strider no human in the title to be found master of comedy ill beats and knight of time im new to the class what is your name

or do you just do that with everyone hello priest troll lastname good afternoon priest robot buttmotor how do you do lovely kool aid we have tonight wouldnt you say

 

Im A Troll Of Vast And Peculiar Customs.
Thats What Happens When Youre Raised In Bug Fuck Troll Scandinavia.
I Get My Knowledge From Arcane Sources, And Your First Name Simply Cost Too Much For My Poor Lonely Hobo Idiot Self.
My Name Is None Of Your Business.

 

well that sure was a lot to take in and i feel like theres a lot of context im missing here so im definitely jumping into dangerous waters here but no ones ever said im not one to take risks
noneya bizniz could be a troll name who am i to judge your culture

 

[She snorts]
Okay Thats Just A Goddamn Stupid Name And Sounds Really Blue Too, Do I Look Like Im Some Sort Of Aristocrat? No. Fine Whatever, The Fuck Do I Even Have To Lose.
I Am The Achromat Nichrome.

 

do i look like someone to memorize what kind of six letter nonsense sounds are what color
my troll name is bigdik assgod

anyway thats a pretty baller title idk why you think id make you lose anything but like im not going to use that information for nefarious schemes jsyk
the only schemes ive got a mind for are rhyme schemes if you catch my drift and they are pretty heinous if i do say so myself (i say so) (good shit)

 

(Deep, guttural snickering)

(Note: Gobano Lumipyry Eluvei is a troll, but her skin, hair, and currently-not-visible-under-her-mop-of-hair broken horns are bleached white.)

 

Not a title, grub, a wiggler name
Although it's not a shame
To be still young, yet unperturbed
Others have been quite disturbed.

 

If You Say So, I Am Not Too Well Versed In The Ancient Alternian Art Of Slam Poetry
(...
Im Going To Shot Myself For That Pun.)

Learn To Count Demon Bitch, Achromat Nichrome Is 8 And 8 Letters, Because Im An Adult.
[Shes not an adult, she looks like she's 15 in human years at most]

 

welp

WELP

[summons a mic]

hey man no hate but i distinctly count eight
letters in pairs, sorry is your spelling impaired
even spiderbitch is only packin six and you know she be up to all KINDS of tricks to get her numeric fix
say what you may but at the end of the day i aint heard of no names beginning that way
word

ahahahaha no that was good i like that

[pause]

look at me now look at you now back to me this is what your adult could be like if she started using old spice

 

[She blinks]
Why The Fuck Would Using Old Spices make Me Look Like A Weird Pale Human? I Would Know Ive Had Plenty Of Stale Grubsauce.

 

gdi its human culture hour with karkat again except this time im not going to make up bullshit because what would even be the point its only funny when he buys it
old spice is a brand of cologne that has a commercial that starts off that way and since i am in nearly every aspect my blood my bones my dick a meme
i regurgitated it for this conversation

the point is i am yes a weird pale human but im also not a fucking teenybopper trying to sneak into the r rated movie

 

Youre Weird As Fuck. Thats Probably A Compliment.
Why Do Humans Name Their Smelly Bullshit Things Like Stale Condiments?

 

believe it bitch

its because i cant function without rubbing moldy anise all over my naked body every night its my personal self care ritual

 

There is room in this rave for only one time traveling poet, boy.