shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

let me paint you a word picture

no

 

You Are Clearly A Master Of personal Hygiene. I Am In Awe.

[She settles in with a cup of jelly to watch what will surely be brilliant entertainment]

 

You have earned the especial ire of the Handmaid of Scratch. Snakes will begin physically manifesting in your home.

 

oh shit the special ire
this isnt your every day run of the mill ire no siree this is limited edition ire with holographic foil only 500 were ever made

i dont know why youre so worried about me stealing your thunder lady we dont look alike we dont sound alike we dont even have the same fancy godtier jammies on
those three qualities you listed are quite literally the only three things we have in common and thats kind of a given since were the same aspect and all

 

You, sir, are fucked. There is a two thousand page document in the list detailing just how fucked you are. Paradox Space itself has shaped fate for the sole purpose of fucking you.

There is no hope. There is no change.

There is only TIME.

 

ooh la la pxs at least take me out somewhere nice first i will not be won so easily im not some common tramp i am a rare and once in a lifetime tramp

tell me something i dont know

 

See? This is why there can only be one. We're just going to piss in everyone's cereal with our fatalism. People will be chatting happily about whatever stupid bullshit these idiots think is meaningful only to be met with not just one, but two fatalistic time fuckers. Soon I will break into discussion of how even this last sentence was preordained by the cycles of reality. And if it isn't I'm sure to get needled into non-existence and then another will continue the path.

 

-FLOATS OMINOUSLY-

 

idk lady unless you whip out the fatalism and wave it around in my face like a delicious and irresistible steak im pretty content just to shit it up over here in my little corner of reality

i gotta rip holes in every adam sandler movie ever made i dont got TIME to be fatalistic

i mean i do but why waste it like that when i could explain why 50 first dates is a trash movie for garbage people fuck you karkat

 

Uuuugh, are we doing this?

 

Yes because I must assert dominance.

 

look lady ur both the dominate timepoet

 

Aaaaand this is why I never listen to Onxai when she gets all doom and gloom. What is it with Time and making people depressed? There are countless ways to change!

 

No one has died in an incredibly bloody fashion yet. Not sure we can make that call yet.

 

Somebooooody needs to have the talk.

But from someone else. I can't be assed right now beyond EVERYTHING SUCKS AND THEN YOU DIE (at a preordained point in time).

 

-Kumari squeezes a weird troll fruit, spattering herself in dull jade fluid.-

im dyin. u slayed me.

-Her face is extremely pokered.-

 

Or everything sucks but you live! Or nothing sucks but you die anyway! Or some things suck but you survive! Splinters on splinters on splinters, each one of them its own little universe! It's wonderful! Exhausting to keep up with, but wonderful.

 

or u die but u keep going.

 

That too, yes!

 

Whelp. That's solved that then. We have our obligatory dead thing. Now what.

The moment I snap and decide to break with the chose order of events again you are first on my list.