shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

[He gets a plume of smoke blown right at his face for his trouble and an otherworldly sounding cackle]
That's noooot my nameeeeee. You get two more guesses, "Master"~

 

I think he's referring to cheese. It's milk but less liquidy.

 

[Wiretap clamps his vents closed, wary by habit of getting particulate matter in his systems. He otherwise seems utterly unconcerned by being surrounded by an alien snake person. It's a filthy lie, he's all too aware how delicate he is compared to the average Cybertronian, but he didn't live through the whole war by flinching every time he gets cornered.] Grew it myself! Or had it welded on, for some parts, but it's fully integrated by now. You're a curious one, ain'cha?

...oh, huh, I forgot cheese is made outta milk. That makes a whole lot more sense, thanks dude.

 

I think that blue troll is contractually obliged to always mention milk and strength, even when it doesn't make much sense. *laughs* It's his gimmick.

 

-79 appears and ping ping pings the wireless around her.-

 

[waves the smoke out of his face, but otherwise doesn't react]

it seems we are at an impasse cause master aint my name either the fuck does this look like to you butler island
can i call you belle
can i call you stacey
can i call you her

cant call you jane cause that IS the name of someone i know
anyways whatre you gonna do to me now that ive used up my three guesses plus a couple extras cause like im a god theres not going to be a whole lot of getting murdered for failing to answer your riddles three
or i guess one and it wasnt really a riddle more a straightforward question
anyway

have you met this dude hes definitely referring to milk as in the product from his gross horse dads swollen udder
do trolls even have pasteurization i dont know but he sure didnt
RAW
UNADULTERATED
dad juice
hes got some weird lactose fetish cultivated in his beautiful and lavish kink garden among others that i dont want to go into detail about

 

Veeeeeeeery curious.
[They lazy coil in on themselves a little, draping their shoulder lazily over the bulk of their tail and blinking up at the strange metal being who maybe? probably??? summoned them????]
There's no wards and no circles here. You must be brave.

 

Wow. Okay.

Dad juice. Two words I never wanted to see next to each other, and I wanna erase from my brain now that I have. Dad juice.

Dad juice. Dad. Juice.

 

[Lindi blinks lazily down at the human and take a log drag from their pipe]
You have to know my name for negotiations. It's the ruuuuules.

 

Wow hey whoever's doing the pinging can you maybe not do that? Or how 'bout I just make the same damn noise vocally and slag everyone off, share my headache.

Mortilus's rusty spike I did not need that comparison in my head
wow
thanks dude

I have no idea what a ward is and I'll make the argument that I have circular parts, but thanks for the compliment anyhow. Do I wanna know why you're trying to negotiate with random strangers in a dreamspace?

 

79: Hey hey hey hey.

 

©©©©

stop plagiarizing me bro i charge for every use of my finely crafted euphemisms
thatll be $2000 cash only please

but yeah dude like horses and milk and rippling with grotesque veiny muscle is his thing
deploying my army of handmade earworms to haunt all those who dare listen to the dulcet tones of my voice is what i do
if dad juice is fucking you up youre in for a long goddamn haul this is going to be a verbal trek across the himalayas for you i hope youre ready cause here the fuck i am
i am your sherpa
this is our journey
get moving bitch

ahahahahaha
you too?
another mountain climber joins the trip

what if like
im not interested in your services
what then

 

Wiretap: At least that's words. Thanks.

Alien society is always a trip, I get my human exposure in carefully measured doses. And by 'carefully measured' I mean 'piled up like slag at the smelting pits every time we hit someone 'jacking Earth's wifi,' but, y'know, deep space.

 

This isn't home. So I was called. Which means negotiations. That's the rules. We rarely know our masters.
[They breath out another puff of smoke and smile]
I can do many things.

Then I will demand my price for being disrupted in my ssssslumber~

 

79: Where are you? I don't see another tfae in here. Don't you like pinging?

 

[His vents are still closed. No smoke in his systems, thankyouverymuch.] I'm nobody's master, 'cept sometimes one'a my junxes if he's feelin' that kinda play. Negotiate at somebody else.

Wiretap: Tfae are little green dudes right? I'm red and white and also way bigger, but I'm kinda wrapped up in snake alien right now.
Wiretap: Pinging sounds like throwing nails at glass to me, not exactly fun to hear over and over.

 

79: Hm hmm hmm, too bad for you, I was trying to ping for other tfae! You can only handle words? Can you do sights and smells and tastes and feelings?

 

D --> It is not

D --> I drizzle milk across the surface of the pizza before consuming it
D --> However, Nepeta has suggested that others do not share my taste for milk
D --> They f001ishly lack taste in what is beneficial for them
D --> But nevertheless
D --> As a result, I dunk my pizza in glasses of milk when I eat with company

D --> I do not always mention milk
D --> I speak of its nutritional value when it is of relevance

D --> Please do not refer to Aurthour's milk as dad juice
D --> Moreover, my appreciation for milk not a kink, Dave
D --> Milk is of e%treme nutritional value, and helps build STRONG bones
D --> It easily outclasses that apple juice I constantly find your selves drinking

 

do you think dad juice is like a human thing
its not its a bona fide dave strider original i promise if you talk to john you wont get nearly as many upsetting metaphorical tangents and if you talk to karkat you might get more
being human has nothing to do with it its about being a wordsmith and also shamelessly disgusting

hell naw i didnt wake you up im not paying if the delivery guy brings szechuan chicken i didnt order to my house especially if im not in the mood for chinese

stuff i said doesnt count

i dont drink it constantly you goddamn wall of meat
and if its liquid extracted from your lusus ie your dad
it is dad juice
sorry i dont make the rules i just play by them

 

"Can you not?" Lissa groans. "I would be perfectly pleased never to hear the word 'yiff' again in my entire fucking life."