shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

"I'm not trying to get you to do anything," Ford says with amusement. "Just being polite. I hope. Let me know if I used the wrong one."

 

You're right! You win the joke contest, humans defeat Cybertronians once more!

...ehhh. It's, like, most of my life? And about a third of recorded history, not that that's saying much with everything that got lost.

 

[They shrug]
As you wish, Dave~

[They abruptly absolutely lose it at that, cackling and coiling themselves into amused knots.]

 

Okay but for real what kind of apple is this, are all apples so sweet?? Like, okay, lots of carbon, I get that, Earth life is carbon-based, but?? Holy slag???

 

"It's what makes sense in my head, too, except for this: how did we ever find out about them in the first place?" Ford shrugs. "I've been told that the habit of binding them came from the need to prevent them from harming us, and that it was only later that we learned that we could use them. It doesn't matter now, of course. I don't bind anyone unless they force my hand. Unfortunately, there have been times when my hand has been forced."

 

Is there a wrong one? I was not aware. Human customs are strange and foreign to our kind. I take all of these words and none. Lindi is simply as Lindi is, if you call me he or she or it or they. They are inconsequential words compared to the power names hold.
[They relax back, idly nibbling on one of their apples.]

 

I don't know what you process as sweet. Humans process sucrose as sweet. Apples can be sweet or tart or in between. They can have different firmnesses and strengths of flavor. Some are good for baking or cooking, some are good for eating straight, and some aren't good for very much at all.

 

i know they have different tastes i just didnt realize the names dictated anything about that i thought they were like
a particularly pretentious way of determining where shit came from
i thought it was like yellow tastes like this red tastes like that and green tastes like this slightly different other thing
theres hells of unforseen nuance to these fruits im having an experience

damn ok yeah thats a pretty long time even from your perspective and i of all people know this time shit is relative
anyway i hope youre prepared for more sick dunks like that one not everyones egos can handle the experience of verbal combat with a strider

thanks westley

 

"I'm a he." Ford smiles. "As is the genie. The Talassani is my mistress, and is a she. Male, female, other, both...they're not limited to humans, but if none or all of these classifications apply to you, they would probably be the most polite choice. I don't call people 'it' unless they request that I do; that's normally used for inanimate objects without sapience."

 

Yeah variety names are stupid but they do mean things. People have apples like, copyrighted.

 

WHAT
give me a copyrighted apple i need to experience this particular facet of capitalism my life has been incomplete and unfulfilling without it

 

[They snicker]
Have you already forgotten the name you drove such a hard bargain for, Dave Strider?

[They shrug.]
I only know of one of ours who has opinions on this. He is odd. I love him dearly. He never eats his human and I don't know why.
[A quiet laugh and another puff of smoke from their mouth gold and silver swirls]
Well that's not true, I know why. But he's still breaking the rules.

 

"Like roses," says Lissa. She produces a branch of blooming rose. The blossoms appear to be dark purple, but the ones that are fully open shade down through a deep pink to a peach to a golden centre. "This is a Lissandra rose. I made it. Lissandra's not the name I was given, just one that I'm called--Stan put it on my paperwork, because people who know me are allowed to call me Lissa."

 

You just had one.

 

[They perk up and immediately lose interest. Bah. Masters and Mistresses and their false names.]

 

Ehh, different metals, not always ones that're actually good for a mech but it's whatever. Sucrose is... a sugar, right? Dunno what of that'd parse as sweet to me, but hey, dreamspace.

I can take a hit or two! Haven't lived this long without learning to suck it up some.

Oh, yeah, sure, but 'robot's fine. What's next, 'automat--'

....mmm. What kinda connotations does "robot" have in your language? The one you're really speaking, not dream-translator.

 

yeah but how am i supposed to grow it and sell it on the black market i cant regurgitate it im not davesprite
original apple do not steal

but can you take a veritable flurry of attacks from every angle while i do the spoken equivalent of flashstepping around your weak spots to provide the illest of beatdowns
thats whats happening btw if it wasnt clear
im the master of fly retorts once someone showed up to troll me and he blocked me instead
sucks too we were gonna get married it was true love and he left me at the fuckin altar in my quivering silken glory

 

D --> It is important that b100b1oods to maintain a STRONG constitution
D --> As members of the nobility, we have a higher standard to uphold

D --> You misunderstand me
D --> The "No" was an e%pression of horror
D -- > I physically recoiled as a result of your f001ish shenanigans

 

"Again, I didn't mean to offend you, and I did not call you 'it'." Ford shrugs. "Wiretap. In the world I came from, no-one like you exists. 'Robot' can mean multiple things in my native language, anything from a fictional character similar to you, who is a person, to a programmed automaton, to a non-sapient, non-sentient, non-mobile tool with only the simplest programming. I could give you a lecture on the history of the word, starting with Karel Capek, and I probably would have done that when I was younger, because I was tempted to just now; but I think what you really want to know is whether I think of you as a person or not, and I do. The Talassani; I mentioned my relationship with her because I do have one. The genie. The robot. I do not choose to give their names unless they choose themselves to give them."

 

parent beverage
(thats wine)