shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

OOF, OK, HI?? IS THIS YOUR PREFERRED MODE OF TRANSPORTATION OR ARE YOU SIZING UP MY EDIBILITY IN THE HOPES THAT EVENTUALLY I'LL LET DOWN MY GUARD AND YOU CAN GULP ME UP IN ONE FELL SWOOP? OOPS, THERE GOES KARKAT! NO SIR I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM PLEASE IGNORE THE TROLL SHAPED LUMP IN MY STOMACH. I ASSURE YOU, I WOULD NEVER UNHINGE MY FUCKING JAW SO THAT I COULD SLURP DOWN A TASTY-LOOKING BIPED LIKE A BOWL OF RAMEN.

FUCK, YOU'RE KIND OF HEAVY

 

[Snickering]
Is both an optionnnn??? I like getting carried. But Sometimes I eat people too.
[They shrug and slide off of him to the floor, looking like they are enjoying themselves enormously, still munching that cake dave made idly]

 

-Sprocket appears. He sees the cake and investigates it, but doesn´t eat in case it belongs to someone-

 

dont vore karkat hes too young to die kinky even if im sure he does taste like crab

what up were having a party in honor of my tragically absent best (est est est fuckin believe it we are tight like you put a goddamn torque wrench to that shit) friend and his birthday

 

[Lindi slither closer briefly and exaggeratedly sniffs Karkat]
Smells like power. And blood.
[slithers to Dave and does the same]
Smells like more power.

 

Hey there! That is technically up for grabs if you want it, it apparently just tastes like slag to humans.

 

A Party? That is for celebrating right? What is a Birthday.
-staaaares at the cake-

[!!!!!!] -slices some out with a claw and nibbles- It tastes good to me!

 

aw yeah confirmed im the most powerful
out of us two i mean jade and john could probably make me into a pancake in a douchecape in two seconds flat maybe less
does that make me the seme

hahahaha gross
[this is said in an admiring tone, as if 'gross' means 'awesome']
a birthdays the day you got made and you celebrate the anniversary of that every time your planet goes around its star

 

CHECK YOUR SNIFFNODE, WITH REGARDS TO THE ~POWER~ BS. THE ONLY POWER I SMELL LIKE IS THE LINGERING POTENCY OF ANY GAS MY MORE BADASS FRIENDS (ALL OF THEM) MAY HAVE PASSED IN MY VICINITY.
UH, DUH, WITH REGARDS TO THE BLOOD BS. I AM, SHOCKINGLY, FULL OF IT *AND* IT'S MY ASPECT! DOES DAVE SMELL OLD? I BET HE SMELLS LIKE AN OLD MAN. AN OLD MAN AND STALE CHEESE POWDER, WHICH IS CAKED INTO HIS VERY PORES

LET ME REITERATE: UH, DUH

 

I mean, if I understand your sensory wiring right there's not a lot that tastes bad to insecticons besides stuff that's actively dangerous? Or maybe that's just... slag, what's the word, <Scout?> specialization?

Birthday's a human thing that--
...what Dave said.

 

I do not know what this word means.
But suuuuuure, Dave Strider.
[Lindi snickers]

 

[More cackling. They flop around a bit until they look at Karkat upsde down, draped limply over their own tail]
Yes. Also you smell like consuming you would lend power. This does not mean you yourself can use the power.

 

fucking
confirmed
karkat karkat karkat did you hear the snerson are you ready to get fucking ravished
im here to rip off your clothes with my massive yaoi hands while you tremble beneath the power of my gargantuan palms

 

[The resident snerson fucking loses it, cackling like a witch]

 

[he looks vaguely horrified]
OH, COOL, GREAT! SO, ASSUMING YOU'RE TO BE BELIEVED, I HAVE SECRET POWERS THAT CAN ONLY BE UNLOCKED THROUGH THE ARCANE PROCESS OF DIGESTION--SPECIFICALLY, BEING DIGESTED. SOUNDS ABOUT GODDAMN RIGHT.

 

That sounds nice! What if you weren´t made on a planet? -nom cake-

Some things taste bad! Theres [Bitterpaint] the [Fixers] put on things the newsparks shouldn´t eat. It won´t hurt them but it tastes bad. -makes a face at remembered bitter-

 

Ship and station kids tend to use whatever the standard 'year' is for where they are, if the galaxy/multigalactic sector has something of the sort.

 

Oh don't worry. I don't eat people who do not make mistakes while negotiating with me.
[Lindi says this like it should both be self evident and an enormous relief]

 

<Bitterpaint?> [He absolutely mangles the pronunciation, and pulls a face at his own mistakes.] Ugh, sorry, that was wrong, uh-- [a second, mildly less mangled attempt?] Nope. Uh-- don't think I've heard that one before. I guess you'd know better than me, though!

 

-cleaning cake off his mouthbits and face with his hands- That sounds nice. I don´t know when exactly I was made, it´s in the swarm records somewhere.

[Bitterpaint]! It´s bitter but not harmful. I don´t know if they teach scouts about it? Or maybe Thunderwings swarm didn´t have it. Is very good for keeping newsparks from eating important things.