shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Sometimes the transaction's subtler. I'll steal a bottle of good black to share if it means good company.

 

[Yes that makes sense. They nod.]
Your kind is rare. I like people who are... no nonsense. But careful about it.
[They nod again, taking a pondering drag of the new cigarette that has been lit through mysterious means.]
It's reassuring.

 

aw man
rules totally fuckin suck dude but its not like its your fault you didnt hold a gun to my head like tell me your name or else
i just spouted that unprompted because im pretty much always going on about some shit or another and it seemed the time for some goddamn INTRODUCTIONS

[comes back over and sort of hesitantly pats at the coil of sad]

can we make a deal about not endangering karkat since i already said his name like seventeen times
like what would that take hypothetically cause rules are rules and all and im not gonna blame you for whatever bogus system you gotta operate under but the dude is mad kinds of stressed and id like to help that stop happening presentways

 

Don't be mindin' him. He's neurotic.

 

[Most dramatic little pitiful sniffle. And another drag off the cig.]
Yes. This should be possible. Do you know how to draft a contraaaaaact?

[They practically immediately drape flop over and inch closer to the man as a limp noodle on the floor.]
And you are cuuuuute. While we are sayng unture things.
[griiiiiiin]

 

That don't work on me at home, y'think it's gonna work here? -reaches out, holds the floppy snek away with a hand on the forehead-

 

[The saddest most theatrical pout as Lindi makes graspy hands at him]
Why must you be so mean to meeeeeeee~

 

who are you calling neurotic im assuming karkat because i dont think the snerson is a he but you never know
and why am i taking your advice as to who i do and dont mind
well i mean im not taking it i can make my own decisions tyvm
but yknow state your purpose maybe elaborate a lil before i whip out my sick burns and torch your ego
give me some kindling to start the roast yo

not even a little bit my mind is ready for the molding

 

'Cause you drive me nuts on purpose.

Nah I was talkin' about this guy. -indicates @Lindi- They're not so much a he but sometimes upbringin' gets th' better of me. I don't bother correctin' it 'cause they don't care. Dunno who the Karkat is.
An' you're welcome t'take my advice or not but they ain't so much a useless bastard as they appears.

 

[They gather the bulk of their length underneath themselves to approximate something like a sitting posture]
For the purposes of this you should specify the entirety of your request as precisely as you can.
...
[They throw a brief look to Billy, puffing out a plume of smoke.]
Because the scoooope~ determines the priiiiize~

 

[They make kissy lips at him]
If you tell that story you have to give me something good or I'll eat you and then master will be saaaaaaad~

 

I ain't gonna spill your damn story. 'Snot like there ain't a million other stories to be telled to show the point just's well.

 

karkat is my neurotic bro
i didnt think they were a useless bastard ive had too many experiences with mysterious sneople to assume that at this point
all sneople probably have vague and kind of terrifying powers its just how it is
plus uh dude assuming people are useless is kind of counterproductive who knows what hidden depths the kid who eats glues got
beneath his outward appearance of a glue eating weirdo maybe hes a really charming guy
or maybe he just likes glue and thats it

ok well i guess for starters i gotta know what you can actually DO to people once youve got their name
so i know what im asking for
but i assume that infos not free

 

[Snorts and offers the cigarette]
It's not myyyy fault you only juuuuuust got to this poiiiiiint...

 

-grins. He's a super unassuming young man, one of those long thin people who gangle, with the sort of innocent smiling country good looks you might find in a painting of countryside life by a Victorian artist who lived in a city. He looks Victorian too-
Nice t'see you know what's up.

-takes it and inhales, exhaling smoke through his nose- Go fuck y'rself.

 

[shrugs, a little uncomfortably, hiding behind their hair]
A name is access to the fundamental nature of a being. Soul, core, energy. The name is a string to pull on. It is why our kind can be called upon and tied down and made to do mortals' bidding. So with enough time and effort... there is nothing one of us could not do with a true name.
Not all of us have the foresight and finesse to do much beyond just. Consume those we have names of, however.
[The smoke seeping from their mouth is a moody dark blue.]

 

Show me hoooooow~
[they bat their eyelashes at him, though their smile looks a little forced as if they are hiding behind this banter]

 

We talked 'bout that already. -pet the snek- You ain't watchin'.

 

This isssssss the reason why you are the wooooooorsssssssst~
[They lean into the pets]
How is your adorable little bedwarmer?
[The grin they throw him is positively filthy]

 

im a wise old sage when it comes to knowing whats up dude my beard is like
a forest housing an army of lil updogs
[thumbs up]

[rubs at the back of his neck in thought]
hmm ok no more of that train of thought then
lets get out the word scalpel its time for some fuckin surgical precision i am dr dave and these sentences are fucking ILLoh god damn it

what would it take for your word that you wouldnt do any string pulling or consuming with regards to karkat in particular
just essentially acting like you dont know his name
no hurting him no making him do things like youre not right now and i super appreciate it but even though you said you wont do anything to me just cause were in a weird place
i would super double appreciate knowing you wont do any of those things to him at all and not JUST cause were in a weird place
how much does that cost