shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Eh, as rigid as anything to do with us gets. [Shrug.] A djinni's never going to turn into an ifrit, but ignoring that kinda thing...

 

Huh. I guess that makes sense. Humans sure do like to brag about it, that's true enough...

 

Huh. Really?

The humans I know that have done it haven't been like that about it.

 

cool cool thats pretty sick actually
is this like your thingy? like is this one unique to you cause you like apples right
and im pretty sure apples have flowers but im not an appleologist

oh jeez i dont wanna be anyones master cant we be like
equals
having a business transaction
and thats not so bad i guess i mean im not exactly a run of the mill mundane human eating me wouldnt be easy although im sure itd be entirely possible

i dunno that i did any saving dude i mostly just wanted to make sure there was no like
reason for him to flip a stack of shitcakes
and dont you think youre being a little presumptive there
hoppin over some hurdles to reach a conclusion

 

Where are you from? Come to think of it, you do look a little...

Anyway, I mean, I guess it's true not all magicians are prideful. Sure seems like it from most of the stories, though, and doesn't it take a certain amount of pride to try and bind and order someone around anyway?

 

Ehhh... Ideally, yeah. But most magicians are in it for the power or the fame or whatever, not just asking questions, and it'd have to be a pretty nice payment to be worth staying on Earth for however long you need to.

Being polite's a good start. [This last bit is said with a pointed stare at @Billy the Butcher's Boy ]

 

Who's orderin' you around? How low's your price if they try an' order you around?

 

[They settle in with their chin on their crossed forearms, draped over the coil of their tail again]
We do not have many kinds. Our form is the one that comes easiest to us for who and what we are. There were times Lindi had legs, before Lindi knew of snakes. Now that Lindi is the Eye Of Snakes, Lindi no longer has legs, they do not fit my image of myself. I could explain where I am, but it would likely not make much sense.
I am below Grimm the Birch Wolf, but I am above the Quick Springs and Salved Winds.
[They shrug]

[They grin and point at the flower crown on their head, pale white poppy blossoms]
It is my sigil, yes, as every one of us has one for personal use in contracts.

 

If you want to get real specific, contract law was based on pact magic so... -shrug-

Also no worries, I'm not competition, here. -wink- Except when I want to be, of course.

 

Price? [She blinks, tilting her head. Confuse dog.] What do you mean, price? I've been lucky, but a lot of the modern ones just zap any spirit who tries to question or disobey.

[At that, she does shiver a little.] Only one form? That sounds-- sorry, that sounds super constraining. Sticking to one because it's comfortable is one thing, but not being able to change? How do you ever handle being physical?

 

So, you didn't actually think there was danger? At all? Really?

... a little... what?

 

Eh... "weird" is probably rude. Different? Either you're really good at hiding your power or your true form is really plain. Which-- isn't a bad thing! [Whoops, don't accidentally offend the maybe-more-powerful magic dude, that could go badly.]

 

...-he pauses, closes his eyes briefly as he thinks, then shakes his head-
We gotta be workin' in different dimensions here. Any summoner who tries zappin' a demon who asks for their price is on a one-way trip t'belly town, where *I* come from.

 

... but this is my true form? And pretty much the only one I ever use. Like, yeah, sure, I could turn into a cat or a xylophone or whatever if I wanted to, but... it's not particularly appealing. I'm not a fairy godparent that has to hide what he is from most humans or lose his job, after all. I'm a genie.

 

[They puff a small smoke ring at her, grinning]

[That gets a scandalized noise from Lindi, their eyes glowing and flaring with anger]
They mistreat you in this way? How-... how?

Oh, no I can-
[They transform into a short, bipedal human in a simple pair of linen trousers with short reddish brown hair (combed back) and large round glasses for moments, before huffing and morphing back into their native form]
It takes energy. The- soulstuff? it wants to corporealize in a certain shape. Straying from it is exhausting and drains both me and the summoner.
[shrug]

 

You're a fuckin' arse, Lindi.

 

maybe a LITTLE as a distant fuckin possibility
but this is like a dreambubble dude nothing can follow us out when were not asleep
probably
idk how weird demon magic works
whys it matter though it doesnt have to be A Thing it was like five minutes of chatting and then a smooch i didnt do anything that important

man im not even a magician and i already got more power than i ever wanted yall can keep it
also have you heard of the southern gentleman trope because wink wink nudge nudge i am all texas

hell yeah
[he switches into the record shirt and points to the image on his chest]
if i were one of you guys thisd be mine probably
id say itd be a sweet bro face but dirk has already cornered the market on putting that particular ip on peoples skin

 

I mean, yeah. There's a reason most spirits'll eat any magician who slips up and lets them out! There's not a lot of polite summoners around, at least not this century. Different dimensions sounds about right, though, since-- you're from the same general place as the one wearing scales, right? And that sort of sounds really different from anything I've ever known.

Fairy godparent? Are we up to three dimensions now? [She laughs a little at her own unintentional pun.] Or do you just have one of the less hungry strain of sprite around?

No reason to be on Earth without getting summoned. If the circles are in place and correct, they have the power, and they're smart enough to hide their true names. Most of the time.

Huh. That sounds... pretty backwards. Staying in one shape for too long gets-- stiff, Earth's too stable. Changing pushes the timer back a little! [Just to prove the point, she shifts into a large black cat and stretches, tail arched up over her back.]

 

Gentleman yes, you'll have to be more specific about 'southern'. What's texas?

 

We jus' eat 'em 'cause they give us energy and it stops 'em gettin' uppity. And 'cause it's the rules. They offer us a bargain we don't like, they gets eaten or we up and go. They get too bossy and don't watch their wards, they gets eaten...
And yeah I got the misfortune to be sharin' with that idiot. -rubs his nose- We're kinda set up diff'rent, though.