shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

*Just fucking rolls to where his torso is on its back while the rest of him is coiled up still*

Yeah? It is, I agree. Black is pretty too, very pretty. Obsidian and Rubies, those are mine. I mean, I suppose others too, but I like those the best.

 

[Nod nod nods]
Poppies and Apples and Snakes for me. And blood, but who doesn't take blood.

 

-pops the cork on the wine and takes a swig straight from the bottle like the trash she is-

Nah man just fuckin lay claim to them. All the obsidian. All the rubies.

-she should PROBABLY not being saying this, considering one of the studs in her ear is an actual ruby. The other red ones aren't though-

 

Spoiler: only slightly twitchy gif

 

[Cackling]

 

-takes a goddamn hammer to the fourth wall and points at his user title. It's that for a reason-

 

[They slither over petting the poor man awkwardly and sloppily]
There thereeeeee
You will cease being tasteless and embarrassing eventuallyyyyy~
[They are still laughing]

 

Oh, apples? If I eat human foods I'm more of a lemon kind of demon. Lemons and rice. Chicken. All of that.

I like rocks better though.

*Turns his head, eyes wide and innocent looking*

Well, yes. It's what I am, my claws are ruby as is some of my hair! My horns are obsidian! I have control over much of the earth! It's what happens when an fire demon breeds with an earthen demon instead of with their own kind!

I answered a question, you have to give me something now.

 

You managed to mix fire and earth? How does that even work?

 

Mother was a succubi, whose elemental alignment was earth. Mostly gemstones? Life, you know, and the corruption thereof. Father was a Salamander! Fire, a bit of stone, mostly fire. All I know is that they banged and I was made, the adorable perfect little noodle that I am~!

 

-clearly not sure how to take being pet-

Next person to tell me "another century or two" will clear things up is getting charged double for all future services.

 

That was a suggestion, not a question. -offers the bottle anyway. The wine is black, a little viscous, and smells like blackberry wine and rum had a horrifying intoxicant baby-

 

*Sits up, takes the bottle, peers into it, sniffs it.*

It's alcoholic but it's not frozen? Why is it not frozen? Alcohol is supposed to come in big frozen drinks that taste like happiness and sugar. Not... this.

 

I was carrying it to a party, keeping things frozen while on the move is inconvenient. You could put it on ice? -shrugs- And it's sweeter than it smells. Way sweeter. Mostly sugar. -also may cause: tingling on contact, a very mild hallucinogenic effect similar to absinthe, and downing the whole bottle could tint your vision purple- I've got a pack of smokes if that's more your speed.

 

Ew, no. Guh.

*Sniffs again* I'll stick to my pina coladas.

 

-shrug, incinerates her cigarette butt and starts a new one- It's hard to steal a pina colada in bulk.

Then I didn't even show. On the upside I probably won't end up on booze duty for a while.

 

[stomps over to @Lindi , obviously significantly more pissed than usual. he is five and a halfish feet of whoopass. or at least, he thinks so]

HEY, ANGEL IN DENIZEN'S CLOTHING.

THE DEAL YOU MADE WITH DAVE? FUCKING UNMAKE IT, YESTERDAY. GET THE STAIN REMOVER AND DUNK HIS HAND IN IT UNTIL IT'S BACK TO BEING PRISTINE AND ***UNMARKED*** BY YOUR SUPERNATURAL WOO-WOO.

 

-popcorn-

 

*Holds wine back out to her*

Thanks but no thanks. I get it. Wine's just gross.

 

Fair 'nough. It was mostly a joke, though this isn't bad. 'Black wine' is a euphemism among certain circles for rendered blood. -she knocks back another swig. Stick to one vice at a time, could you? No. She can't-