shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

WHY though im so curious now
but i mean you dont GOTTA
ill be sad for like two minutes but ill live

[he does back off after a second, and goes a little ways away to fuck with his laptop, so he's still open for conversation without continuing to needle]

 

Trauma? All I did was point out he's had reason to bulk up. We all have, even if we haven't all had the resources to actually do that.

 

Oh! And a human. And a...

*Squints at Norm*

Fart? Are you a fart? Is that what you are? *Even the tip of his tail is curled into an almost question mark shape*

 

no im a fart how fucking dare you

 

[After a moment of consideration, Ignis summons a cube of energon and follows @Starscream, careful not to sneak up on the other Seeker. He stops a polite distance away and holds the cube out to him.] Sir?

 

You were talking about how his leader was physically abusing him! And for most people, that kind of shit is pretty traumatic!

No. I am not a fart. I am a genie.

Norm the Genie.

 

My oh my! I am mistaken then, good fart sir. I apologize!

Genie... The wishes kind? That's interesting! You don't seem bound so I applaud you king fart.

 

Is that what did it? Megatron beats pretty much everyone who says something he doesn't want to hear, though, that's just... how stuff goes at the top, I think. Probably why stuff like Aether Revolt happened, true, but...

 

youre forgiven this time but im watching you
all will know me as my correct title
his flatulence heir to the gastric throne

 

Yeah.

I used to be, but Weirdmaggedon happened and well... now I'm not!

And... king fart? Really?

Probably, yeah.

And though it might be normal behaviour for Megatron, it isn't actually normal... how sapient beings normally behave. Like, yeah, a lot of them do behave that way and it does have a way of seeming normal, but... I think it happens 'cause something in them is broken or missing or something. It's not what they are meant to be, and it's not what people are meant to live with.

 

Indeed! His emmergence, grand emperor's son so the Poot Palace.

That's good! I've heard bad things about how your people are often treated.

And yes, I enjoy fart jokes. Farts are hilarious.

 

I´m fine. -he is not fine. He curshed the cube of energon he was holding before, and it looks disturbingly as if his hand was dripping in blood-

You spoke after I did. I did not see who you were speaking to.

Yes, tell the whole fragging world about it why don´t you. Paint a target on my back while you´re at it.

Thank you. -he accepts it and sips-

And isn´t it just wonderful to have everyone know he didn´t value me as anything but a chewtoy?

 

[He tilts his head, considering.] ....I guess? It's not terribly effective on a large scale or in the long run, that much is true.

Thanks for explaining, anyway.

Oh, yes, somone in the entire fragging universe might not have heard about a war that's been going on longer than most of our population's been alive! How ever could I have given away this piece of utterly crucial intelligence? [Goodbye, half-ounce of self-preservation; we hardly knew ye.]

 

And those bad things are all true.

*sighs* I see what you mean.

 

Not what I was referring to you idiot. Perhaps the Captain should upgrade your processor while she´s at it. -he still has his back to Slipstream-

-slightly surprised- You do?

 

You know I would make a joke but I feel like it would be in bad taste, so instead I'll make sympathetic noises at you because it must have been awful.

 

dude yes clearly youre already familiar with the assblast kingdom and its gassy monarchy
surely youve heard of our assassin force
theyre silent but deadly

ohhhhh
i was talking to the squad of weird organics over there
[gestures with his thumb]
anyway hi im dave and i wasnt talking to you before but i am now so strap the fuck in for the time of your life
were going to go on a journey through the river of spittle supplying my face flaps with the fuel required to keep blabbing even in the darkest of nights
my dulcet tones will be the light that guides you

 

Primus on a fraggin' prism, 'Stream! [Why does Wiretap only show up to flip ashen on his husbands anymore. Why is this his life. Can he have new dreams please?] Stop harassing planetary rulers, you can troubleshoot without slaggin' off one'a the three big spacefaring civilizations!

[It's probably pointless to bow to Starscream when he's not looking, but, well, manners.]

 

Indeed! I am also aware of the largest enemy to the mighty assblast kingdom... Febreeze.

 

Oh, yeah, because video that's public domain is totally--

[That sure is an angry medic trying to drag him away. Slipstream squawks, stumbling a little and wings going absolutely everywhere as he tries to balance.] Hey, hey, Wires, c'mon, let go, I'm not-- if I promise to shut up will you let go, I can't walk right, your hands are lower than mine--