shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

-noofs- Someones gotta do it.

He´ll havta ask us fer yer hand first, yer ours ya know! -puts a possive paw on the mech she is sitting on already-

 

Unless this was all an elaborate ploy to kill us all, I have complete faith in Lord Starscream.
[something somehing love is blind. And maybe possibly stupid some people might claim.]

 

I'LL CHEW ON A WHOLE LOT MORE IF YOU CALL ME A DOMESTICATED BEAST AGAIN. I'LL BE SO KIND AS TO SHIT ON YOUR FLOOR, EVEN! RIGHT WHERE EVERYONE WALKS.

MAKE IT *REALLY* BELIEVABLE.

WAR, DIPLOMACY, HOSTILE TAKEOVER, SAME DIFFERENCE. IT ALL LEADS TO PRETTY MUCH THE SAME OUTCOME ANYWAY?

 

[A brilliant smile]
Yep. But consider: What if we adopt them.

 

....Eh. I guess. "Go big or go home" ain't much fun when "go home"s not an option, but they are dedicated, I'll give 'em that.

[He puts his hands up, palms out.] Hey, she's all yours, no conflict here.

 

I'm sure Jetski would be delighted to pamper you anyway.

 

There was a time whe I would have joined in a spark beat if I got the offer.
[There's a brief flickering of her form, a spikier, deadlier version overlayed over her just briefly]
Probably better I never got an offer.

 

Been an age since I heard that. Best option we have right now, I'll admit that much.

Eh, fair. Pretty sure Cybertron's trying out the not-guns-blazing approach this time, just for variety.

[Nervous laughter.] Somehow I don't think that's a good idea, captain.

 

[That sure is a smile, but it's not a happy one.] Definitely better.

 

Hmm -seems to consider this very carefully- They got a medic?

Just making it clear! Ye can borrow her ´course, we´re not unreasonable. -cat grin-

 

[She shrugs.]
The offer stands. I'm sure Scanner would be happy to spend more time with you. Somewhere deep, deep inside of his spark under fifteen layers of denial.

 

Pretty sure Wiretap here is their resident medic, yeah.

Ohhh how generous of you, my dear nurse.

 

You're lookin' at'im, doc. Wiretap of Altihex, formerly battlefield medic, currently babysitting an Intelligence squad.

 

I am the most generous and gracious. -purrs and snuggles-

 

All respect, I'd rather not sabotage our first attempt at hashing things out peacefully with another species in three million years. And our bosses showing up to ream us out for ditching would definitely put a damper on negotiations.

 

[he raises an eyebrow]

DO YOU GUYS TREAT ALL, UH, "ORGANICS" LIKE FUN PETS SLASH INTERACTIVE DRESS-UP DOLLS YOU GET TO PLAY AT BEING LUSUS WITH? BECAUSE I HAVE A CRAAAAAZY THEORY AS TO WHY THE CONGLOMERATE MIGHT NOT BE TOO THRILLED WITH YOU.

OF COURSE, THEN AGAIN, PERHAPS MY MANY AND VARIED CHARMS WOULD BE BETTER APPRECIATED IF I TOOK UP BARKING AND LICKING MY ASSHOLE INSTEAD OF MAKING CONVERSATION.

GOOD LUCK, I GUESS. JUST MEANS THAT THE SAME SHIT'S GOING TO TAKE TWICE AS LONG TO LAND IN THE LOAD GAPER, OR THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS GOING TO DIBS THE METAPHORICAL ABLUTION BLOCK FIRST.

 

Captain Nichrome likes to joke when she's off duty, but... Cybertronians don't have the best history when it comes to organic societies, no. My former boss included, unfortunately.

 

SHIT, THAT WAS A JOKE? AND HERE I WAS GETTING EXCITED FOR MY NEW LIFE IN A 24/7 PETPLAY SCENE. ALAS, WHATEVER WILL I DO WITH THIS FURSUIT NOW

AT ANY RATE, YAY FOR NOT BEING MANHANDLED IN FRONT OF A KIBBLE BOWL AND COOED AT, IF THIS IS STILL A THING Y'ALL ARE WORKING ON?? NOT THAT IT SHOULD BE A THING, BUT HEY! WE'VE ALL GOT STUPID GODDAMN WAYS TO RANK WHICH PEOPLE ARE THE BEST AT PEOPLEING.

PERSONALLY, I CHART EVERYONE'S SHORTCOMINGS WITH A SPREADSHEET AND STAR STICKERS, AND ACT ACCORDINGLY.

 

*dryly*
Yes, yes, we're all awful war criminals who can't treat people properly. Do get some new material, I've heard that one enough to last me another four million years.

 

POINT TO WHERE I SAID WAR CRIMINALS, YOU ENORMOUS HERNIATED BULGEPIMPLE. I WAS ***TRYING*** TO LIGHTEN THE TOPIC BY JOKING BACK SINCE IT SEEMED I WASN'T EXACTLY AT RISK FOR HAVING MY PERSON-STATUS DELETED, GIVEN THE WHOLE "STILL TALKING TO ME LIKE I AM ACTUALLY SAPIENT AND NOT JUST PARROTING NONSENSE"

COME, SIT DOWN! LET ME SERVE YOU UP A STEAMING PLATE OF DELICIOUS CONTEXT WHICH WE WILL ALL GORGE OURSELVES ON PRESENTLY: I AM A TROLL FROM ALTERNIA, A RACE WHICH CONQUERED COUNTLESS OTHER SPECIES AND WOULD CULL ANYONE WHO FAILED TO MEET RIGOROUS GENETIC STANDARDS OR ADEQUATELY SERVE THE EMPIRE. I'M NOT GOING TO BOOK YOU A TICKET FOR A REMORSE JOURNEY.