there are no rules in kintsugi

Well, there's a couple of issues.

One is, a lot of the complaints about lack of clarity are actually about cases where the problem isn't that things aren't clear, it's that I'm not using the paradigm people want. They want a clear simple yes/no "is X allowed", and there isn't one, and they are interpreting this as "lack of clarity", but no, it really is clear, it's just not what they want. Yes, we generally prefer to have triggery stuff spoilered, but sometimes it isn't, and that's not because of "ambiguity", but because context matters. And the "fixes" here aren't even necessarily fixes for actual problems that are occurring, as opposed to fixes for problems people could pretend to have in order to troll the mods. And I'm not super concerned about successfully-enough covering everything that people could pretend to be confused by in order to troll the mods.

I do think we need to be better about communicating the thing, but so far as I can tell, all this came about precisely because people did understand the thing, and disliked it. And that's not a problem fixed by better clarity.

 

This is pretty accurate. And the thing is, in this case, since the event was fake, we don't actually know that the thing pointed out was really a huge thing. Maybe we woulda been better off spending this time on something else. I'm pretty sure the hours of calming people down did not produce any improvement in the rules, though.

 

I'll answer to any of he/she/they, it's all fine by me.

 

the bitch said something mystical
so i stepped back on the kerb again

 

I'm not 100% sure, but as I understand it, the unspoilered thing was intentional, they knew perfectly well that would be frowned on, and they wanted to pick a fight to prove a point about how bad Kintsugi is. I'm not entirely sure on the details, perhaps unsurprisingly I'm not the person they talked to directly.

Yeah, that too. Like, I'm not gonna pretend I'm not pretty fucking pissed about this. I was pretty pissed about it about 30 minutes in when I said "wow, this user has an IP address that seems oddly familiar and also they've suddenly started being way more focused on the rules than on their suicidal feelings", but when it comes down to it, the assumption that they're "not really suicidal" sounds like the sort of assumption that can later be called a "fatal mistake", and I would rather take the risk of being trolled than take the risk of screwing someone over when they need help.

And... Like, all that aside, yes, I still think I screwed up in editing the post without letting Beldaran do the negotiation dance. I was aware of triggered people and fretting and sometimes I am impulsive.

 

It... sort of is! It's from Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking, which is Roger Waters, but that album in particular is Eric Clapton (it's post-Floyd Waters), and that song in particular has a rather bluesy feel.

 

I will say that with the whole familiar IP thing (and even without that, they'd been sounding like they were plenty familiar with the site), it gets me all questioning and doubtful about the sincerity of anyone who weighed in on their side in a friendly way. That doesn't mean everyone, stuff like Xitaqa's posts above don't have that same feeling, or there were some other people trying to clarify what f&g was trying to say who don't ping me like that. And I HATE that I'm feeling this at all, because I really do try to give credit to people's emotions and distress, and I hate hate hate when I start asking myself whether this person really meant a thing, or were they just in on the joke too? But it's still something that's happening.

Not to mention that f&g shouted at me over PM, and even though I have killer social anxiety and getting screamed at in a private message is... pretty much the worst possible scenario, I tried to be helpful, I offered to clear up any questions about unspoken rules they had, and I didn't even threaten to post the messages in public, the way I've done in the past. I'm not sure I even posted publicly that they'd messaged me.

They seemed to be aggressively missing the point on just about everything I said, but I just assumed that they were in a lot of distress and didn't mean it in any malicious way, and I went back over the points they were busy yelling at me over and tried to clear up what I was saying. Because I thought it would help them, and I thought the additional distress that meant for me was outweighed by how they needed help. I feel pretty fucking used right now, and I'm not sure what I ever did to deserve that.

 

I'm really sorry they did that to you too Spock, you've been wonderfully helpful and I appreciate you a lot.