there are no rules in kintsugi

Discussion in 'That's So Meta!' started by fake and gay, Apr 19, 2017.

  1. Exohedron

    Exohedron Doesn't like words

    Just want to say that despite the original intentions and despite the unhappiness along the way, I think some progress did come out of this thread. Regardless of whether the person was actually unclear on the rules or not, there is a level of ambiguity in the rules that I don't think is entirely intentional, and while this may not have been the best way to bring this ambiguity to light, I think we are at least slightly better off now in that respect.
     
    • Agree x 4
  2. Exohedron

    Exohedron Doesn't like words

    I am not sure we need people deliberately triggering people to prove that point, but I am a little worried about the speed at which adjustments to policy and guidelines occur in response to issues brought up in the absence of such drama. The ambiguity has been a known issue for a while. The partial fixes that have been arrived at in this thread have also been known for a while. And yet the ambiguity has remained a problem. I don't want to conclude that what was needed to convince the mods to implement the partial fixes was an Event rather than simple discussion.
     
    • Agree x 4
    • Like x 1
  3. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Well, there's a couple of issues.

    One is, a lot of the complaints about lack of clarity are actually about cases where the problem isn't that things aren't clear, it's that I'm not using the paradigm people want. They want a clear simple yes/no "is X allowed", and there isn't one, and they are interpreting this as "lack of clarity", but no, it really is clear, it's just not what they want. Yes, we generally prefer to have triggery stuff spoilered, but sometimes it isn't, and that's not because of "ambiguity", but because context matters. And the "fixes" here aren't even necessarily fixes for actual problems that are occurring, as opposed to fixes for problems people could pretend to have in order to troll the mods. And I'm not super concerned about successfully-enough covering everything that people could pretend to be confused by in order to troll the mods.

    I do think we need to be better about communicating the thing, but so far as I can tell, all this came about precisely because people did understand the thing, and disliked it. And that's not a problem fixed by better clarity.
     
    • Like x 2
    • Agree x 1
  4. Alaspooralice

    Alaspooralice An actual trash fire

    I've been under the impression that the mods don't necessarily know what is gonna be a huge thing until an event happens. I also think Seebs in particular likes to have opinions from many sides and people while making decisions since he can't understand things from outside his own perspective perfectly. I could be wrong, so feel free to correct me. Not trying to jump on you or anything just wanted to share my view of things.
     
    • Informative x 2
  5. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    This is pretty accurate. And the thing is, in this case, since the event was fake, we don't actually know that the thing pointed out was really a huge thing. Maybe we woulda been better off spending this time on something else. I'm pretty sure the hours of calming people down did not produce any improvement in the rules, though.
     
    • Informative x 2
    • Like x 1
  6. Lissa Lysik'an

    Lissa Lysik'an Dragon-loving Faerie

    Seebs is generally a she, but sometimes a they. Used to be a he, at some point in its past, but being the mystical being she is, it could have changed her past to be a he now and a she then.
     
    • Informative x 3
  7. Lissa Lysik'an

    Lissa Lysik'an Dragon-loving Faerie

    Oh yeah - and is also a we - a mystical being of multitudes of personalities :)
     
    • Winner x 2
  8. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    I'll answer to any of he/she/they, it's all fine by me.
     
    • Like x 2
    • Informative x 2
  9. Lissa Lysik'an

    Lissa Lysik'an Dragon-loving Faerie

    You take all the fun out of being mystical.
     
    • Like x 2
  10. Alaspooralice

    Alaspooralice An actual trash fire

    Quick Seebs say something silly to get your cred back.
     
    • Agree x 2
  11. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    the bitch said something mystical
    so i stepped back on the kerb again
     
    • Winner x 2
    • Like x 1
  12. Lissa Lysik'an

    Lissa Lysik'an Dragon-loving Faerie

    I know that is a musical reference but my brain refuses to find it.
    Is probly not blues.
     
    • Like x 1
  13. Xitaqa

    Xitaqa Secretly awesome

    To clarify: f&g was genuinely feeling suicidal and posted about it, and got mad about response? Or was already mad and decided feeling shitty was a good opportunity to troll?

    Like, if they were feeling suicidal and getting mad at you guys gave them a reason to stay alive, that would be one thing. Even if their response to that anger was trolling by exaggerating or misrepresenting the issue in order to have a fight with you, if that's what it took to get them through their crisis, that would have some value despite the harm that was done along the way.

    Not intending to discount that harm, just saying that if this is what it took to keep someone alive and with us, then some good would be accomplished amidst all the bad. It would be a crappy way for someone to interact with the support network here, but it would still be a case where kintsugi is doing some of the good it wants to do (and hopefully the people who were harmed in the process are also receiving good support and will be well).

    I'm a little miffed that f&g made me feel kinda stupid for not understanding them when their position really was kinda bullshit, but that's the smallest potatoes in this whole thing.
     
    • Like x 1
  14. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    I'm not 100% sure, but as I understand it, the unspoilered thing was intentional, they knew perfectly well that would be frowned on, and they wanted to pick a fight to prove a point about how bad Kintsugi is. I'm not entirely sure on the details, perhaps unsurprisingly I'm not the person they talked to directly.

    Yeah, that too. Like, I'm not gonna pretend I'm not pretty fucking pissed about this. I was pretty pissed about it about 30 minutes in when I said "wow, this user has an IP address that seems oddly familiar and also they've suddenly started being way more focused on the rules than on their suicidal feelings", but when it comes down to it, the assumption that they're "not really suicidal" sounds like the sort of assumption that can later be called a "fatal mistake", and I would rather take the risk of being trolled than take the risk of screwing someone over when they need help.

    And... Like, all that aside, yes, I still think I screwed up in editing the post without letting Beldaran do the negotiation dance. I was aware of triggered people and fretting and sometimes I am impulsive.
     
    • Like x 2
  15. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    It... sort of is! It's from Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking, which is Roger Waters, but that album in particular is Eric Clapton (it's post-Floyd Waters), and that song in particular has a rather bluesy feel.
     
  16. prismaticvoid

    prismaticvoid Too Too Abstract

    Would "we need to request that you spoiler this, because it is a safety concern, but in the meantime what can we do to help?" be useful?
     
  17. Lissa Lysik'an

    Lissa Lysik'an Dragon-loving Faerie

    I finded it. Was not in my head - is not a tune I has in my library (well, has it now).
     
  18. spockandawe

    spockandawe soft and woolen and writhing with curiosity

    I will say that with the whole familiar IP thing (and even without that, they'd been sounding like they were plenty familiar with the site), it gets me all questioning and doubtful about the sincerity of anyone who weighed in on their side in a friendly way. That doesn't mean everyone, stuff like Xitaqa's posts above don't have that same feeling, or there were some other people trying to clarify what f&g was trying to say who don't ping me like that. And I HATE that I'm feeling this at all, because I really do try to give credit to people's emotions and distress, and I hate hate hate when I start asking myself whether this person really meant a thing, or were they just in on the joke too? But it's still something that's happening.

    Not to mention that f&g shouted at me over PM, and even though I have killer social anxiety and getting screamed at in a private message is... pretty much the worst possible scenario, I tried to be helpful, I offered to clear up any questions about unspoken rules they had, and I didn't even threaten to post the messages in public, the way I've done in the past. I'm not sure I even posted publicly that they'd messaged me.

    They seemed to be aggressively missing the point on just about everything I said, but I just assumed that they were in a lot of distress and didn't mean it in any malicious way, and I went back over the points they were busy yelling at me over and tried to clear up what I was saying. Because I thought it would help them, and I thought the additional distress that meant for me was outweighed by how they needed help. I feel pretty fucking used right now, and I'm not sure what I ever did to deserve that.
     
    • Witnessed x 22
  19. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    I'm really sorry they did that to you too Spock, you've been wonderfully helpful and I appreciate you a lot.
     
    • Agree x 4
    • Like x 1
  20. rigorist

    rigorist On the beach

    I have spoken with the person who made the f&g account and they have asked me to say that they did, in fact, feel hurt by the "unclear" rules. They have also asked me to say that while the idea that demands for an apology based on false harm is good, in this case the harm was real.
     
    • Informative x 4
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice