shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Well, you know what they say! Self-awareness is the furrst step to self-improvement, isn't that right? But mew really do seem better than befur, considering that you're now a lot more social! That's a great improvement, don't mew know?

Oooh, is that pink fleshy man? (Nepeta leans closer to Dave to have a better look, stretching out a claw and squishing the boy in the cheek.) Hello, Dave human! I've nefur seen you up close and personal, but man, do you look weird!

(She then shoots a smug look to Karkat, raising her eyebrows up and down not-quite-so-subtly.) Is there something that you haven't told me yet, Karkat? This is an iinteresting development!

This 'Master Knorth' seems to be somepawdy you respect furry much! Hee hee, you definitely seem like Empire material, actually. Trolls value complete deference to their superiors, you know. You'd be a purrfect threshcutioner, now that I think of it!

 

I respect him greatly. I wouldn't call it complete deference, though. Much to his continued dissatisfaction, there are times when one must go their own way. If I'm punished for that then so be it. I'll bear the responsibility for my actions.

And...threshcutioner?

 

OH, YES, BECAUSE RAISING THEM ALL TO HAVE UNQUESTIONING LOYALTY TO A CULT YOU ADMIT HAS JUDGEMENT ISSUES THEY SWEEP UNDER THE WOVEN FLOOR COVERING IS A GOOD ALTERNATIVE

[karkat snorts derisively and flips her off, but he isn't genuinely upset]

YEAH, MY OLD AGE HASN'T GRANTED ME INCREASED TOLERANCE FOR EVERYONE'S MORONIC TESTAMENTS PROVING EXACTLY WHY BOTH OF OUR RACES WENT EXTINCT--SPOILER: IT WASN'T THE METEORS! IT WAS THAT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US IS A GODDAMN TRAVESTY NEARLY INCAPABLE OF FUNCTIONING.

BUT! I AM NOW TOO TIRED TO ESCAPE THE SWIRLING VORTEX OF STUPID. ALAS.

[the tips of karkat's ears turn red.]

THE ONLY DEVELOPMENT YOU'RE SEEING IS DAVE'S LACK OF RESPECT FOR PERSONAL SPACE AND REFUSAL TO GET ME OFF.

GET OFF ME. THAT'S WHAT I MEANT, OH SWEET HORRORTERRORS TAKE ME INTO YOUR TENTACULAR EMBRACE AND KILL ME NOW.

 

god ok
from where im standing the jedi are from a classic series of movies so im having a little trouble taking all this seriously
give me a minute to tamp down the yoda flashbacks

but yeah all that makes sense i guess it just sounds boring
like on the level of reading instructions to an old lady at the dmv
no judging tho i just couldnt do it

[dave doesn't react to the poking, except to wiggle his fingers in greeting]

hi nepeta id say you look weird too but i have had many moons to get used to trolls grey visages so honestly the weirdest part is seeing you and knowing that at one point a version of you fused with a version of me

nice to meet you for realsies and not online i see you and roxy both enjoy cutting to the chase wrt the hard hitting questions
i wonder if thats a rogue thing
have you considered becoming a journalist

 

Oh! I guess that's one difference your order has with ours, then. Usually, when a member of the cohort goes against the orders of their superior, they get culled!

(Nepeta sounds much too cheerful while saying this.)

It's nice to see that you're still alive. I think that I like the way your Order operates just a liiittle bit better than I do ours. But then again, eevery empire has its faults.

And oop, I guess I meant threshecutioners! They're a special unit of the Empirical Army that uses sickles to fight-- Karkat used to be obsessed with them! But then again, they are pretty badass.

I think you should at least cut some of us some slack! I mean, things furrn't all that bad... (Nepeta takes a moment to put a paw to her chin and think for a little bit.)
....No, nefurmind, I think we did pretty bad as far as species go. But hey! That doesn't mean that there isn't another troll society out there in paradox space! Maybe they fared a bit better, hopefully.

 

Hee hee, I bet you have! And furrom what I've heard, I'd say that we worked purretty well as a sprite! But oh-- working with Furferi was very fun, too! And I just adored Roxy, I really did. At least, I think I did? Well, a fursion of me, anyway. Both of them are very sweet.

But mew know, it's always been a knack of mine for smelling quadrants in the air...hee hee, maybe it is a rogue thing! I sure wouldn't be surprised. But--! I believe that I shall be asking the questions here, Mister Strider! Is it or is it naut confirmed that there is a certain romantic tension in the air with a certain nubby-horned friend?

 

oh sweet jeebus im being interrogated
thank god roxys not here or else id be getting doubleteamed
fuck good cop bad cop its mom cop cat cop up in this bitch and i am in hell

im purrty sure i cant distract you with puns huh
i plead the fifth

 

It is preferable to unrestrained power. The Dark Side is dangerous. Enough so that you might almost kill someone important to you entirely by accident. As I said, I've duties to myself and others that I have to keep to.

...movies? Like holoflicks?

-laughs about that-

My world is just a holofilm. There's something disturbing about that, if darkly amusing.

Anyway, the Jedi life isn't for everyone, no. I'm free to leave if I please. I just don't wish to. Partly due to obligation, but I'm hardly being held here against my will.

...ah. I...see. That's a very big difference then. The most extreme form of punishment we have is to expel someone from the Order. Entirely. They don't even get a life in the Corps. As far as sickles go, that would take some getting used to. I could probably pick it up if trained. It's not as if I haven't been learning to fight since I was a child.

 

-was not in the rave, and now is. Her clothes are full of tears and covered in blood, and she looks halfway mummified; her upper arm is bandaged, so is a knee, a foot, and bandages show under her shirt. There are six bandaids scattered on her forearms, one of them peeling off, and maybe more under her gloves. The rest of her exposed skin is bruised and/or dirty. She has hiking bag with a rifle sticking out and an axe and first aid kit tied to the outside. It's hard to tell which has more blood on it. The axe has an unnerving colorless glow when seen out of the corner of the eye-

Huh. When I dream I usually forget how much like shit I look. -experimentally tests her wrapped foot- Doesn't hurt though. I'll take it.

 

WELL, YU SEEM LIKE YOU COULD USE A CUP OF COFFEE. LIKE, I DON'T WANNA PRESUME, OBVS, BUT~...
[She holds out a... gold mug that looks almost crusted with gemstone sin different shades of purple and pastel pink. Where did she even get such a tasteless and gaudy thing?]

 

God yes. Fuck. -makes grabby hands for the mug- I've been trying to spread out my actual coffee/tea, so it's all been shitty caffeine pills dry at two in the morning while running from zombies.

 

Shit. You too?

 

THAT SOUNDS LKE ABSOLUTELY DREADFUL MY DARLING.
[She hands her the mug, summoning plush couches in rich dark purples she flops onto, gesturing for Pre-Mortem to sit as well]

 

(Deirdre turns to Loreli.)
May I bother you for a cup as well?

 

OH MY GOSH, OF COURSE YOU MAY, DARLING.
[She summons another, equally gaudy mug and hands it to Deirdre with a flourish]

 

Thank you, dear.
(The true gaudyness of the mug is, alas, lost on the blind woman. Although she does inspect its shape.)
This is good coffee.

 

-much magnificent floppage. If the cushions weren't made of dream-stuff they'd probably need to be burned after this-

-she's too busy chugging coffee like she'll never taste it again, which to be fair is a definite possibility, but offers Deirdre a fistbump of solidarity. She hasn't really noticed the blind thing yet-

 

AWW THANK YOU SWEETS! IT'S THE WAY MY MOIRAIL MAKES AND LIKE SHE MAKES THE BEEEEESTEST COFFEE IN THE WORLD SO THIS IS PRETTY CLOSE TO GREAT, NATCH!

[There, there, patpatpat on her shoulder]
DON'T LIKE WORRY, THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM!

 

Theory confirmed: I am in fact dreaming. -the mug is empty-

 

OWWW MY BONES HURT A LOT OWW OOF MY BOOONES