things that are currently making you anxious

I messaged someone on Facebook and they didn't respond so obviously I am the freaking worst. :S

 

a whole lot of everything, which sucks :c grades, homework, event planning, every single responsibility ever, and the fact that i have a crush on one of my closest friends and he said before he doesnt reciprocate which is totally fine and good and we're still very good friends!! just. sometimes its hard to make the little ball of hurt in your stomach go away. @my brain, i would like it to go away right now please, it would be very nice

 

I got a message back and now I need to figure out what to send back in response. This is turning out to be a never ending saga isn't it?

 

Looking at posting for apartments.

This won't even be the first time I've rented a place why is this so anxiety-inducing?

 

Car still at the shop, they were super busy today and couldn't get to it, I still don't know how big a bite fixing it is going to take out of my savings account or how long I'm going to be without it, I just want my car to be OK

 

I feel like people are judging me at school for not really wanting to immediately go into my major field of study-- i just don't feel ready and a bit part of me wants to go back to my hometown where i have a lot of friends, and know and like the area. i haven't had near the social life i wanted throughout college and i just want to be back at a place where I know I can truly be myself but. at the same time i'm anxious that if I don't go straight for my field out of college I'll Never Get A Good Job and Die From No Health Insurance or somethin

 

Engaging in some late-night link hopping. Ended up on DeviantArt . I haven't logged on there in ages, so had a nice little trip down memory lane. A bit more link hopping brought me to the profile of a girl I knew in high school. I was looking through her deviations to confirm whether it actually was her, when I saw a drawing she had done that was titled with my name. It was a drawing of me. The caption referred to the person in the drawing being a character in a story she'd written, which she had in her gallery. So I went and read it. There was a lengthy description of this character, and it was so blatantly obvious from that and the rest of the story that this person was meant to be me. Not a character based on me, or inspired by me: actually me. The story itself is one of those very purple, very dramatic stories about the lives of a group of goth/emo kids at a nameless school.

I barely knew her at school. She had a reputation for being odd, but I'd never had any negative run-ins with her. I did, however, know that she got a bit obsessed with one of my best friends for a bit. My friend shrugged it off and so did I and that was that.

Experiencing a little bit of deja-vu over the whole situation, because a couple of years back I found another DeviantArt profile by someone else I knew at school. He also had a drawing of me in his gallery. This one was copied from a photograph, and I have no idea how he got hold of that photo.

Tiny bit creeped out. More than a little bit anxious. I have zero contact with these people now, so it's not anything that affects me immediately. The story itself is several years old, but there are many, many parts to it. And 'I' feature in almost all of them. Just... eesh.

 

I just have constant anxiety about everything in my whole life, so if it's not one thing it's going to be another right after it. Anxiety flavor of the day is that I might be developing mid-onset macular degeneration in my left eye. As of yesterday, my retina seems healthy, but I am experiencing symptons that suggest macular degeneration so it's something to keep an eye on according to my opthamologist. If I do end up with macular degeneration, it'll make it hard to see with anything but my periphial vision in the one eye.

 

Having low level anxiety about having to make a phone call today, also just about life in general. :(

 

Spoiler

I'm going to my first ever dnd session tonight and I was already super anxious because of how out of my comfort zone that is on its own, but now my mum has made it at least 100x worse by asking me if I "know these men very well" because I'm going to be "locked up in a shop with them after closing" and despite the fact that we had a three hour session last week where we did all the character planning and stuff, I'm now kind of just freaking out and can't get my brain to shut up even though rationally I know it's stupid and she's just anxious and. Aaaahhh. :(

 

I have to go Outside.

 

I wanted to read Signature Event Context again because for some inexplicable reason it fills me with utter delight. It took me *several entire minutes* to find my copy of Margins of Philosophy because I'd actually put it away on the shelf. Apparently this is a disaster. Even though I was physically holding a copy of Limited Inc, which also contains that essay. Now I have both books right here and I can't figure out which one to read. Holy shit this is a stupid problem.

 

~The future~ and specifically not knowing what it will look like.

 

distressed/anxious cause i need to/should write but i just doodle and daydream instead, and also i should get dressed and make food but i should write and this results in mental gridlock so i just sit here steeped in anxiety and getting hungry for. several hours

also i have dnd tonight which should not be causing anxiety but it is cause it will happen soon maybe and it's a Thing and i dont have much time to do other things before the Thing

maybe i'll just continue to sit here on my couch until i waste away

also this inability to do basic self-care or other basic tasks is basically hitting me in the face like "haha you were considering maybe going back to school/to community college in the fall semester? what a joke because you LITERALLY CANT DO ANYTHING YOU FUCK. cant even feed urself or write fanfic why would you think you can handle school"

hhhhhhhhh thanks anxiety

eta: literally the only reason i was able to get up & leave my room just now was bc of cat's incessant meowing

 

My sister said some dude walked into our house earlier and stood in the living room not acknowledging anything or anyone until she asked him to please leave and he did without looking at her or saying anything. No one knows who he was and dont recognise his description.

 

I just Moved Out Of Parents House For Good and am Very Very Frighten all of the sudden about Adulting.

 

i've been feeling anxious for a long while 'cause the head of fcc is planning on getting rid of net neutrality, and he might actually succeed at it and basically destroy the internet

 

EVERYTHING. And I have no idea why.

 

Spoiler

Trying to organise a birthday balloon flight for a friend, but that involves speaking to snooty salespeople on the phone and also asking said friend their weight and then making sure that the balloon company doesn't try to spring any surprise charges on us?? Ahhhhh my heart is pounding and it's horribleeee

 

i got so excited about temple from red vs blue that i actually decided to compliment a fansite tumblr for him and now i'm like... "fuck"... 'cause tumblr

there are so many ways this could go wrong omg