......wow, that is a LOT of words with connotations I don't want to be associating with a sensual scene. Including but not limited to 'nitroglycerine' and 'shards'. Also, strangely specific complaint. If a character is a decent person, seems like a sweet guy, does nothing wrong on the page. And eventually he turns out be an asshole. It's so CHEAP to suddenly write people remembering oh yeah, that one guy I used to be friends with, remember how he totally used to smell weird? That sure was a thing.
Honestly, I'd like it a lot more if it was. That would be way more interesting than "They had sex and then they angsted about it for no reason and then had sex again".
Honestly I really like sorta flowery language and extended metaphors in some fic, but it is really difficult to do without turning kinda narmy. Fun to write, but often less so to read.
Oh my god @this insane fic I feel like this person is a hyperverbal English grad student who only writes while high on hypnotics
Maybe Dragaera, too, though Vlad would be being snarky and facetious about it. I see that sort of thing a lot, where because the author knows someone is going to end up being a bad guy/huge jerk, they write all the characters as suspicious of them. I can see where the urge comes from, but yeah, it's really cheap.
i started reading this shit 'cause i knew it was bad so maybe i shouldn't complain but... why the fuck is sans papyrus' legal guardian if papyrus is 21? i mean, seriously?
(BTW, for those who don't go to Dragaera fandom: Vlad is the first-person protagonist of some of the books and probably the single snarkiest narrator I have ever encountered in a work of fiction, ever, and he is stubbornly, bitterly proud of his mustache because he's a human in a society of basically-elves and it's one thing he can have that they can't. Paarfi is the in-universe author of some of the others, and is a pretty spot-on stylistic pastiche of Alexander Dumas; he once spent multiple paragraphs recounting the history and production of a character's pen, and named a chapter "In Which The Plot, Behaving In Much The Same Manner As A Soup To Which Cornstarch Has Been Added, Begins To Thicken.")
Slightly more on topic, YOI Badfic Friend was complaining to me yesterday about how often fanfic writers romanticize codependency. Like, characters going into a depressive spiral because their SO is out of town. Moping is one thing, but being completely unable to function without your partner is not a sign of a healthy relationship, writers.
uh. well. technically, if Papyrus got himself declared incompetent to handle his own affairs (which in practice usually means "court-certified as disabled," but I thiiiiink it can also happen if they decide you're Irresponsible, like if you have some sort of "Antisocial" History or Trouble with Finances or something—tl;dr you're too immature), he could have a legal guardian as an adult. @Lissa Lysik'an has such a guardian, I believe, so she probably knows more about it than I do. (it's Ancient Guardian, right, Lissa?) buuuuuut somehow I don't think that writer had any of that in mind and just wanted to get across that Sans is Papyrus' Parental Figure despite being his brother, which, I mean, fair... [hides Strider found-family headcanons behind back] but they forgot the "former legal guardian" bit, I think. Jesus, now I'm having war flashbacks to my seventh-grade magnum opus I mentioned upthread. ick. all my of chapters were named like that on ff.net, because canonically the chapters were just, like, numbered, and I thought "1. One" titles (which is how ff.net would've formatted canonical-style titles) looked silly. no, smol me... no....... fake edit: CHAPTER TITLE HIGHLIGHTS: "In Which a Few Things Are Inclement" "In Which There Is an Obituary, of Sorts" "In Which There Is Plagiarism, Sort of" "In Which Alek Is Awesome, for Once" w h y actual edit: now that I'm looking at this trainwreck again (THANKS SEEBS)... is this the right place to gripe about comments on fic? because hoo boy does my fic have some comments.
Legal guardianship for adults varies a LOT by state and country. It is often limited to specific things (finances is the major one, to prevent people from conning susceptible people) but it is possible to get a guardianship like mine where I am effectively a minor in all things - Ancient Guardian takes responsibility not only for all legal and financial decisions but is also responsible for damage I might do, the same as a parent would be for a child. Getting that kind of guardianship is NOT an easy task, even with me saying "yup, I admit I'm a nutcase, please take responsibility out of my hands" and two doctors agreeing it would be best.
yeah, true. and papyrus definitely could be disabled, that is canonically plausible, but i don't think he would or should qualify as incompetent, and that papyrus-is-incompetent feels a lot like the typical flanderized cinnamon roll idiot papyrus characterization. and reading it, i don't think they forgot the "former" bit. the way the story read, it sounded like sans was supposed to be papyrus' guardian at the current moment, when he was 21. 'cause, like, in it, someone reminded sans that he was papyrus' legal guardian and had a responsibility to papyrus, and he basically replied "i don't give a fuck."
I can barely go pee without his permission (although I actually need him to tell me to since I is a nutcase and forgets that's a thing I need to do until oops).
I love reading about codependent relationships when the author and/or the characters know that it's unhealthy, but when everyone involved seems to think that it's totally normal, I get a little worried about the author irl o_o
