shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

I can enjoy you two looking happy without understanding a single word coming out of your beautiful faces :P

 

Obviously.
I'm very good at being small and pitiable. A right natural at it.

 

Nah, though you can train birds to talk. Dogs are social and respond to nonverbal emotional cues, at least. Affectionate, too. Rottie's a good listener. I'm used to being on my own a lot so it'll be a while before I start to nut up proper. At least I can come here sometimes. The radio went to static a while ago, if I surf frequencies I can hear bits and pieces from other survivors but... it's hit-and-miss, and I'm not inclined to go looking for a better signal.

I've seen cats do that a couple times- they've got cover in the woods and the farm attracts little critters for them to eat. The size of the colony is pretty huge though. Probably because I keep the zombie population to a minimum? Who knows.

I know a little. It's vague as fuck most of the time but pretty clear on some things- there are other Things out there and they don't like humanity. My critter- and it's kind? I don't actually know if it's one or many. Confusing as shit, I s2g- considers them enemies for some reason or another. Not inclined to explain the specifics, if I would even understand it. So it-or-they fuck with these Things by helping humanity. It-or-they used to do it a lot more, but doors have closed for both sides? So there are a lot less people getting screwed by the other Things, but it-or-they also help a lot less people.

I ended up experiencing something Weird, but I didn't think it was too weird so I kept poking it. I blacked out and woke up at the mouth of the cave with a Feeling in my head going "You stop that" and of course my first thought was "huh, wonder if I can find that spot from above ground" in complete defiance of weird mental pressures, and then there was another Feeling that was pretty much "You don't quit, do you? Fine, you're hired" and I blacked out again, woke up ten minutes later in my two-hours-away home with a bed full of reeds that don't grow on this continent. And then kept ending up ass-deep in weirder and weirder shit until zombocalypse happened.

 

Was judt givin you a chance ta save yerself. -very evil grin-

 

jesus
im sure youve thought of this before but maybe the shuffling legions are the other guys tryna get a bite out of the delicious free soldiers pie that is humanity
if your dude is recruiting you and they dont like that might be a way to delete the problem without getting their tentacles dirty with gross nasty humans

 

Why would I try to save myself when I'm angling for the reparations?

Spoiler: flirtbirb gif

 

Oh, me to! Well I'm a little self-taught but, I'm a medic and I worked with organics and organic-mechanic integration for the majority of the last three million years! What sort of organics are you focusing on?

[Updraft chuckles, wings angling forward a bit] Why thank you. I'll be a pleasure having you and your trine around, I'm sure of it, if they're all as pretty as you on top of being interested in organics, too. [He's exercising some slightly rusty flirt muscles there, excuse him but he's just weak for wings]

 

Well, um, I'm... it's complicated right now. Organic-mechanic integration?

 

[He gestures at his replacement plating and the little vanity additions he's made to his frame over the years] I was in a position to get suitable metal replacements, so I had to make do with organic ones and of course avoiding a rejection and making it integrate properly into my systems was a bit of a struggle.

 

That's amazing! You're a genius!

 

Yeah that is. Definitely a thing I've been trying not to thinking about. Especially since there are a lot of baddies on team 'fuck humanity' and, from what I gather, not a lot on our side.

Depressing as shit to think about, but we may have been doomed from the start.

 

[preen preen and wing flutter even as he tries to get some humility back into his posture. But he's happy, people are acknowledging his hard work!] I think it's more a case having a lot of time and no distractions than genius. But thank you so much! [He's now somehow holding a datapad with some of his research, clearly eager to show it someone]

 

Can... can I see?

 

Of course! [Happily holds the data pad out to her] This is just the pared down version for quick back references when I try to breed something new but it's probably a hood way to get started. I uh, have a lot of data by now. [wait. waaait] I could also show you some of the specimens?

 

yeah thats not a great feeling
you got my sympathies dude
all i can say is that maybe its not set in stone so you gotta keep goin just in case

 

Yeah I'm not gonna give up, despair ain't gonna be what gets me. I've just been getting a little morbid when I'm left to think. Maybe that's why I've gone unironic farmer.

Well, that I like not running the risk of mauled by a bear for some decent meat but y'know.

 

You have specimens? Yes please! Do you want to see some of the fungi from my planet?

 

were all guilty of going on fucked up brain trips when theres not much else to do
specially when the shit thats goin on is as raw a deal as zombpocalypse
farmings like two birds one stone
aw yeah i gots some fuckin
potatoes
and now im too tired to contemplate the yawning abyss
sweet

 

Of course, I do the breeding myself, I need specimens! [He uses the strange dreamspace summoning powers present here to appear a big glass and wire box containing what is the absolutely largest centipede anyone has ever lain eyes on. That thing could compete with a fully grown anaconda, it's plating is shiney and appears to be the same color as most of Updraft's plating, aside from some red markings along the side] And I would love to see those fungi! They're not very plentiful here, sadly!

 

Yep. Also potatoes turn into vodka.