shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Wow. They're beautiful! What was the base state before you domesticated them?

 

[Preens some more] Thank you! They were colored a lot more dully, more browns and red to disguise them in the local flora, they were also a lot more aggressive and would try to eat anything that got near. Uh, let me... [He summons an image of the wild variant. It's smaller, duller and sports a pair of pincers that might actually make it through the metal. They certainly look like they could] That's a standard wild specimen, but even just captured they grow a lot larger than in the wild.

 

Because of the regular feeding, I imagine?

 

Yep. Also the constant temperatures. They grow better under high heat and humidity because the carapace stays soft longer as they stretch. Tell me about your fungi though? [He's already holding another datapad to take like notes]

 

or waffle fries

 

-She summons up a glass terrarium about half-filled with soil, with delicate, colorful fruiting bodies reaching up in fronds from it.-

Well, there's a planet I like, and I stop by about, oh, every 50,000 years to see how the ol' evolution is getting along. I've been doing this for 1,050,000 years? So this is one of the fungi currently from it. It wouldn't be much good for bio-mechanical integration, though, heh!

-She leans in and whispers.-

The spores are corrosive.

 

One of my coworkers taught me how to make the best hashbrowns. Cooking them over an open fire just makes them better.

 

Ohhh that's intersting, too! I was stuck on the planet continuously, so I could watch the progression but that makes it harder to see the change in one go [He leans in looks at the visible parts of the fungus, softly oh-ing and ah-ing to himself] That is a shame about the spores, the coloration is lovely!

 

Did you get stranded or choose to live on an organic world?

 

i can sort of make hashbrowns if they come pre hashed and frozen
god im a disgrace to southern culture
which i guess is a blessing in some ways
mostly racist ways

...
anyway you should give me some hashbrowns
let me sample your wares

 

I got stranded. The ship I was on crashed and the communications equipment was damaged beyond anything I could repair even if I'd had the resources to do so. But the planet has more than enough energon to keep me going, so [He shrugs] I didn#t want to just... roll over and wait for the end, you know?
What about you, why did you pick this specific planet to study?

 

I just... I thought it was beautiful, I guess.

...also all the flora is much more fungoid than plant-like and that's really interesting.

 

Honestly that's a good reason to study something. Both of those reasons, really. [he smiles at her, all bright and honest]

 

Would you like some of my research as a gift?

 

[His wings snap up in surprise, vibrating with tension] you would... oh that's too kind of you, I have to... [he summons one of the plants he's been breeding for decorative purposes] Only if you allow me to give you this?

 

-She tips her tiny, tiny wings in a 'smile'.-

It's a deal.

 

[oh how has he not noticed the tiny wings before that's adorable! He holds the container with the plant out to her.] It's very easy to keep, just water it every three cycles and it actually thrives quite well on a small addition of energon when it starts flowering! [It still doesn't feel like quite enough in exchange for Iridium's research]

 

Oh, it processes energon? That's fascinating!

 

It does! It's fairly common on the planet I'm on there are a number of organisms that had adapted to tolerating or even using it!

 

-starts to fumble with her bag, remembers she's seen people make shit appear, makes a frying pan full of hashbrowns poof into existence. They're nice and crunchy, some of the edges sliiiightly blackened, with a light dusting of salt and pepper (mostly salt) and a very slight wood-smoke taste- The trick is to not be afraid of burning them. If you're too worried about that you're likely to stop cooking too soon and they won't be crunchy enough.

...Unless you wanted me to actually make them? I can do that too.